Is it okay that I fancy a girl 3 years younger than me? And would it be acceptable to ask her out?

Sorry in advance as this is a bit of a rant but here goes:
I see her every weekend at this acting club we both go to and we also snapchat 10-20 times a day. We've been good friends (at least) for a while now and I really like her, I constantly think about her, it brightens my day when I talk to her, she makes me smile/laugh and I make her laugh a lot as well and I just want to be with her.
I think apart from my crippling anxiety the main problem is the age difference. At any other age I wouldn't be worried but there is a certain stigma around overs dating minors. I am currently at college and am 17, she is at a private school and is 14 (she'll be 15 in a couple months). My friends know I talk to her and they know how old she is and constantly make pedophile jokes which has really affected me. hypothetically if we were to go out I would let her decide how slow/fast we take things ( it would be my first relationship so I wouldn't have a problem taking it slow). I'm not really interested about sex or anything along those lines, I just adore her personality and think she's amazing. I couldn't possibly tell if she flirts with me but it's safe to say we talk as much as close friends would at the least, even past like 1am a fair amount (which is unusual for me but I don't know about other people…). So yeah, I want to ask her out but I don't know if it would be suitable. I could really use some advice and any you may have would be greatly appreciated.
Yours sincerely, Tom.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I think that it would be okay to date her :) Just Because you're 3 years apart doesn't mean much, and your not planning on taking advantage of her. She may like your or just see you as a good friend. You seem like a good guy, and you both take interest in the same thing. I wish you luck! :D


Most Helpful Guy

  • Where I live nobody would care. I've seen so many 18 year olds with 15 year olds, life goes on normally, they're happy and nobody really cares and neither actions are taken to stop it because... the damn difference is just 3 years and it's considered normal.

    But this is the culture where I live, unfortunately you live in a place where it's considered a big deal. Too bad you might lose an opportunity because of such a small age gap. Think if it's really worth it and have in mind that only sex is forbidden.

    • Yeah, to be fair a lot of people my age are dating people in there 20's which is at least a 3 year gap, but i think it's just the big deal about being "legal". Although looking back I do remember a fair few girls from my high school dating college guys and no one seemed to care… but that was from the minor point of view so I don't know…

    • Yeah, the legal thing is what makes it a big deal. It's very stupid though. I've even seen a 17 year old girl (she studied with me) starting a relationship with a 27 year old guy, 4 years have passed and they're still together. If people really love each other, nobody will take advantage of nobody. A peace of paper saying that something is illegal can be unfair sometimes.

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What Girls Said 1

  • Personally I would say no... I think age accounts for a lot when a person is under 16 - they just don't have the knowledge or social experience to handle a relationship with someone older than them. I don't see anything wrong with friends but I'd definitely wait before starting a relationship


What Guys Said 2

  • Dude she's 14. You're older and you have more experience in life so you would be taking advantage of her. Just let this one go, the age gap is too big.

    • How would it be taking advantage of her? (I'm genuinely curious to know)

    • Because she's still a kid and lacks the emotional maturity therefore she would be easy to manipulate in a relationship. If you aren't interested in sex or anything like that why don't you keep her only as a friend?

  • Dating a 14 year old girl is unacceptable.