Why can't a guy just be real?

I have been seeing this guy for a little over 3 months, we live about 2 hours away from each other so we talk every day. He calls me on his way to work and on his way home. I try to go and see him every other weekend or he comes to my house. Well this past weekend I was at his house and he was acting distant. I didn't say anything just though he was just having a bad day. Well, I just couldn't take it any more so when he went to take a shower I looked at his phone. Well I found out he had been texting and had gone on a date with another woman the weekend before. We are not exclusive, (well not official but I kinda though we were). So I asked him if we could talk. I asked him if he saw a future with me and if he felt a connection with me. He answered were yes to all the questions, and then he said why are you asking you don't feel a connection and I responded yes I did that why I'm asking. I also, told him that I was hurt before and that they guy I was seeing 2 years ago had been seeing another woman at the same time he was seeing me. I also told him that I wasn't going to open up my heart and be hurt again. I also, told him that I was staring to have feeling for him. So I left it at that. So last night he was telling me some things about his daughter that had him very upset I just let him talk and vent. So this morning when he called I told him that I was glad he open up to me and that I understood why he was so distant this weekend, I also told him that I thought it was because he was seeing someone else and didn't know how to tell me. He didn't answer me or tell me anything reassuring I gave him a chance to say something. So my question is do I just leave it alone and see where it goes or do I end it before I get hurt. Again we are not exclusive... please any advise would be helpful. I'm so tired or meeting guys and getting hurt...


Most Helpful Guy

  • Alright, Lucy first off I just wanna tell you, you're awesome and can do ANYTHING a man can, just wanna establish that really quick.

    So to get into your question, if you both know one another to not be exclusive and then suddenly peg him about the two of you seeing a future together, and THEN mention that you were insecure he was seeing another woman, it probably messed with the guy's head a little. I'll tell you what a man generally thinks when the rules have been pre-established:

    "Okay, we're not exclusive, so neither of us have a problem seeing other men/women, great, these are the current rules, we'll see how it goes."

    "Oh wait, now she's talking about feeling connections and past boyfriends out of nowhere? Shit, she feels insecure? Damn, I didn't see this coming at all, I dunno, I do feel things for you I guess, now I need to actually weigh my options and adjust to this."

    I mean three months is a decent amount of time to prepare for these sorts of eventualities, of course, but when you sprang some pretty heavy stuff on him and then spoke about how you don't wanna open up your heart again because you don't wanna get hurt, this is what he hears: "If you deviate from what I want AT ALL at this current time, I'm immediately leaving and you're gonna have to go through this process all over again."

    In other words, I'm essentially saying: Wait it out, see what he does. This isn't him not being real, this is him wrapping his head around what you said. You have to understand that even at 54, you could still probably get a guy easier than he could get a girl, if he's a similar age to you the poor bastard probably doesn't have it in him to go through this process again and again, so ruining a good thing by now having to tread on the eggshells you threw over the floor for him is what he probably wants to avoid.


Most Helpful Girl

  • seems like your getting played by these guys.
    send me a message i will def help u out with your problem girl


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What Guys Said 2

  • Maybe he also got hurt before you still dont know him maybe you always talk about your feeling ignoring hiis
    So he has right to have another woman for backing up. You should go futher
    to see withouting caring it.

    • Like I said we are not exclusive. He did seem to be interested when we talked on Sunday. I just don't want to play games. We are suppose to spend next weekend together so I guess I will see how it goes. I know it was wrong to check his phone and I will try not to check it. I have told him how I felt so if he still want to continue with me he knows it going have to be exclusive. I did tell him that I didn't want to see anyone but him. So I guess time will tell.

  • Women sometimes pull the same stuff -_-

    • I agree but, I'm not not one of them.. So do you have a thought should I just walk away or stay and see if this goes any where...

    • I don't know if it's just the way you wrote everything or what. You kind of make the guy sound like he's got a short temper which could mean he's just an ahole or has a bitter past that deals with women. Also you said you looked on his phone kind of invasion of privacy. Non the less if you really did see that he was hanging around some other I personally would just walk away. I don't play cat mouse with more than the person I'm chasing and myself in the room. Best thing to do is go with your gut. Little guy has never lied to me

What Girls Said 1

  • End it
    I just had it happen to me. I'm sorry

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