Girls, Is it irrational that I'm hesitant to approach other girls outside of my ethnic group?

I'm a black guy who finds himself quite hesitant to approach girls outside of my ethnic group (specifically white) and I'll try to give some context as to why that is so and what makes it difficult.

I'll try to sum this up, 2000 characters is not enough, I wrote more that better puts things into perspective but I can't use it.

My senior year in high school I was head over heals for an old friend who was white/Mexican. She liked me too, but the problem was that her mom (white) does not like black people so we couldn't date. Long story short... that killed a part of me later on. I felt reduced to a color, disliked because of a color. I was a decent guy, gentleman, on the nerdish side but still as "cool" as they come. Being denies a shot at a relationship because of my skin made me hate myself, hate being black. Can't seem to be myself without my "blackness" getting in the way and ruining it - eh, I'm starting to rant.

That never happened to me before, I experienced racism before but was never phased... that? nothing ever hurt me as bad before honestly - as silly as it might sound, it damaged my psyche so to speak. Ever since then, it's very difficult to see myself talking to most white girls because the thought of being disliked (or fetishized) due to black is something I can't afford to experience again and there lies the problem.

As a black non-religious person, I am a minority within a minority, my "dating pool" is significantly small in terms of girls in my ethnic group because apart from religious views, my political views and general outlooks differ from the majority. On OKCupid, there are far more non-religious white girls (who also have the overall higher matches) than... well... black/Indian/Hispanic/Middle Eastern put together within just a 250 mile radius. On Meetme, white girls there are generally 97% of girls near me. If I find someone attractive, I'm too afraid to approach because I'm black, is that irrational?

This probably makes no sense.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Hi metalinjected,
    I am so sorry you had to be confronted to such a prejudiced person. I totally understand how hurtful it is. I am of mixed race. I am half Asian, and half Caucasian (white), and that is all I seem to be to other people. I am always just 'half' something. It's hard because sometimes it has made me wonder if I am a 'whole' person. Dating is not easy for me either. I very often feel 'fetishized' as you mention and the number of mixed race people like me are few and far between where I live.
    I wish I had an answer for you, but all I can say is that I don't think you are irrational. Our experiences shape how we think and who we are. I just hope you'll be able to encounter more open-minded, and colorblind people.

    • Thanks for the thoughtful response lilpixie, I wish I could say the same to recent individual who decided to make a comment on my question.

      I guess it's just how the world is unfortunately. Before that, I grew up in a diverse environment and was never exposed to such views. The reason it hurt how it did was because I cared a lot about that person, she wasn't some stranger but someone I was very close to, you know?

      Yeah, being mixed seems to be a hot commodity now - people have become so obsessed with seeing people not as who they are as a person but what they appear to be from their own misguided perceptions which is sad in these times. Would you care to explain how as a mixed person you're fetishized from your POV?

      It's refreshing to see that I'm not alone in how I feel, though disheartening to see others experience it as well. I'm not sure of the likelihood of me encountering that many open-minded and colorblind people. It's discouraged to a great amount in America.

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What Girls Said 3

  • I feel like it makes sense because ever since that girls racist mother said that, it really hurt you and made you feel disliked for your color. You should never let someone make you feel like that , also not every white/other races mothers or family is gonna be racracisJust because thats girls mother was like that doesn't mean every one will be. Dont be afraid to talk to whoever you want of race. there's gonna be racist poeple around the world but fuck those poeple and dont let it get to you

    • I've gotten better in terms of the whole dislike thing. It's just now I rather not want to go through it again. Most of the time, these days I just want good people to talk to. A simple "How are you doing?" won't even cut it with some people. You're right, though. I know not everyone is like that, it seems hella difficult to find the ones that aren't like that, though - specifically those willing to have an actual genuine conversation but that's more in general. Thanks for your input, very nice of you.

      I have to ask, your name... are you a Lil' Wayne fan or something? just a guess.

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    • May I message you? this is getting rather lengthy lol

    • Yea sure lol

  • You are just more aware of the high risks of rejection due to your skin colour

  • Lol 😂😂😂