If the guy I'm dating seems defensive re: anything surrounding the topic of relationships, is he protecting his ego?

Since he's been hurt before, could I assume he's afraid to be hurt again?


What Guys Said 1

  • It depends on the guy. The fact that a woman has already explicitly said Yes that is what that means with absolutely no gray area to speak of concerns me.

    I am more akin to agree with his inability (for whatever reason) to communicate his thoughts. There are plenty of stereotypes for women and men regarding certain social situations with dating and relationships. We are so quick in society (men and women alike to accept or dismiss all of it which makes absolutely no sense at all.

    Your question can't be answered with a definitive yes or no because contrary to what the world claims men aren't as easy to read as you have been told.

    It's true that sex is always on the male's mind but not every male has it at the front of their mind ALL the time. Some of us do a much better job than others of communicating our feelings to another. Some women will interpret a mans eagerness to share his feelings as feminine or a mans unwillingness to do so as detached. There is no end all be all always the case answer. This site wouldn't exist if their were.

    You say "anything surrounding the topic of relationships" But you don't say how long you have been dating, how things have been going, whether you were friends first, whether you know the girl that hurt him, whether you know how he was hurt how recently it happened.

    All of this information could help narrow down the possible reason for his perceived avoidance yet none of it is provided. Mother's are now trying to raise their sons to be your sensitive and I definitely fall in that category but the stereotype that a guy who pays too much attention to what you say or is too emotional "must be gay or effeminate" still exists.

    Why does not wanting to talk about a sensitive subject for him that clearly is raw automatically translate to his ego? What if the other girl crushed his heart? What if he crushed hers? What if the relationship is on the way out and he doesn't know how to tell you? What if when you started dating you gave the impression you wanted a relationship and he gave the impression that he just wanted to be buddies that netflix and chill? Or vice versa?

    The worst thing you can do in this situation is to just automatically assume The reason he won't talk about A is because of B. If this relationship is really going to go anywhere he has to be able to talk about it and you have to be willing to give him the time to come to that on his own. If he doesn't then it isn't worth it.


What Girls Said 2

  • Yes, i've dated someone like that and you are wasting your time. You will spend so much of your time and energy trying to prove to him that you won't hurt him. While he may not do the same for you. Men who are defensive I find are usually judgmental and way to critical. You dont need to be around someone like that. It will drain you.

  • I'd be less concerned about his ego and more worried about his inability to communicate.