Is it really over?

Me and this guy were dating for little over 4 months. Everything was great, never had a fight. I have met his friends and family. He gave me the keys to his home. For the last four weeks I have been living with him bc of problems with the train and that I could not get home. The only way I could get home was taking the bus to the closest town and walk 10km, he told me I could stay at his place. He didn't like me walking on the road at night (live in Norway so it gets dark around 1600).

Anyways, I had the talk about us, and he told me he found it scary to go from dating to official relationship. I was so hurt, but told him I appreciate the honest and that we just weren't on the same page anymore. He called, texted and told me that we he just doesn't like to rush things and that he cares for me so much and does not want to lose me. Invites me to talk and figure things out, but when we met (at a coffeeshop) we didn't say much about it and went home more confused.. I've been feeling so sad and heartbroken and it really sucks. I just want it back to the way we used to talk. He told me he had bought a reindeer meet for us to eat and asked me to come to dinner today. I told him yes, but only as a friend. I need to get my things from him and also give back the key. He told me I could hold on to the key, but I said no.

I want a relationship but he is not ready for this!
What should I do? Stop talking to him? Give him space?

Guys i I would really love feedback from you and the best way to handle this.


Most Helpful Guy

  • It strikes me that *you* are the one ending it, not him. It appears he doesn't want a label on the r/ship, but you insist on having one.

    R/ships don't have to be put in a box. If you and he were happy with the way things were before you had the "it needs to be official" conversation, then go back to the way things were.

    I suggest focusing on the r/ship, not the label you apply to the r/ship, and not how you describe the r/ship to others.

    • You are right, but last guy i that to broke my heart and went back to his ex. I just don't know what to do...

    • If you want to be with him, be with him -- just don't make an issue of the r/ship status.

Most Helpful Girl

  • A lot of people start off as just "friends dating" which means they don't necessarily love them but they want to see where things go because they think they could live them. He might just be scared of being hurt but by the sounds of things he really cares about you. I think you acted a bit too quick and should of waited longer. Saying that you want your stuff and giving him the key back might make him think that you want it over. You should have a proper sit down with him again and just talk. Don't act to rashly. Good luck


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What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 3

  • Sounds like you may have gotten attached to quickly. And he may have led you on if he treated younas if you were in a relationship then out of the blue once he got what he wanted then just says "he isn't ready for a relationship". Did he not know this from the beginning when you and him starting talking that he did not want a relationship? He wasted your time. He shoukd you this from the beginning.

    • This is the thing. I told him u should have told me you did not want a relationship, and he said that it's not that he doesn't want one, but he is not ready right now. He even told me that it probably won't even be any different between what we have now and that I'd be a great girlfriend. I'm like "come on"! What is this?

  • Do you still care and like the guy? Obviously he cares about you too, but he is taking things slow, why can't you do that too? Eventually in time the both of you could have an offical relationship..

    Then again have you asked him is it possible that the two of you would be exclusive with each other in the future?

    • I'm afraid of giving him time and then he would leave me :( I have never had a bad gut feeling about him! I'm just so afraid of getting more hurt if I gave him more time and it wouldn't work out for some reason :(
      I haven't asked him that question, and since I told him I don't want to talk about this at dinner tonight I can't even ask :(

    • You guys are doing things that people in relationship do anyways. Do you want it to be official? Like having that title? Is that important to you? I can understand where you're coming from. You may feel more vulnerable after you put in more time and effort. I would ask him (when you can) about seeing a future together, and if it's possible

  • Give him space. And decide if you want to wait or not