Right that all makes sense. Thanks for sharing your experiences!
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I agree with you. I don't personally believe in soulmates or having only ONE PERSON you're meant to be with. Might have been phrasing, but I meant the one you wanted to spend the rest of your life with, assuming you both were considering it before you came to the realization they weren't it.
Agreed. It's one thing to get excited about a potential love interest especially if they're attractive and share a lot of common interests but saying they're the one or perfect is unhealthy as it pedestalizes them and if you get too into them and they end up being a shitty person or it just doesn't work out then you get very disappointed and think each next person you date just won't live up to them. But you know what, no one should be expected to live up to anyone because everyone's different.
@jesshkahUsually in that situation, it has to do with lust and infatuation and a person who doesn't know what real love is. The person is very much infatuated with their ideals towards that person, they miss out subtle clues that lets you know that they aren't right for you. However, if they truly do love each other, then despite the differences, they will work towards making it better for the other. That is the whole purpose of relationships and marriage overall. I always say that what you want may not be what you need, and what you need is not always going to be what you want. Your either in or out.
For the most part I agree with you. But I think that's a little too black and white. Sometimes no matter how much you love someone there are certain factors that I don't think everyone can get over. It all depends on the value you place on those beliefs but I don't think you can say that someone didn't know what love was or didn't truly love someone because something else was also important to them.
@jesshkahThat's the whole point of love. You either have it or you don't. It is black and white. But the problem is with society and people. We make too make social normalcy rules that destroys how where supposed to think and being told how to actually love a person. It doesn't work that way. Over the years I have spoken with people of all ages, online on Yahoo Answers! and offline before I joined GaG. Its the same questions with the same old answers. Love also means doing so in obligation, honor and respect. When I say I love somebody. I mean it. Love is in fact an action, not just an emotion. Feelings are fleeting, just like modern day love. I hear too many of this 'Falling in love' just to 'fall out of it'. That is what I am saying. Its also self sacrifice. Which I notice a lot are very adamant about doing. Very sad way of living.
What do you mean by modern day love? Even though that wasn't directed at me.
@bloodmountain1990 Traditional standing on love: Vowing to never leave that person through all trails and tribulations. Sacrificing your own wants for the others needs.Modern day love: In love till they are bored and fall out of it. Or when one is no longer happy in the relationship/marriage. I'll do this if you give me that in return. I can make a whole list of it. And I remember of me actually making such a list on my old blog years ago.
Remember that this is through years of being on Yahoo Answers! and speaking with people in general. And speaking to both married and young couples. And young teens as young as 13 to adults as old as 55. Lots of studying and research as well. Books and other resources, besides personal and interpersonal experiences.
Way dating is tough nowadays especially with online dating and multi dating. It seems like faithfulness is a commodity now these days.
@bloodmountain1990 It shouldn't have to be. But sadly its bad enough life is hard, we tend to make it more complicated. Some people are worth your time. And nearly 90% of them are a waste of time. Stick to your goals, and find somebody who wants to share that vision with you, not tear you down to nothing.
I agree with what you said though sometimes you can't predict certain scenarios. And sometimes you meet someone that could be everything you wanted, not perfect but they happened to be your type, and then once you get to know them more, they end up being really shitty and thus tear you down to nothing like you mentioned.
@bloodmountain1990 That is why you must have wisdom and discernment. I can sense them right off the bat, and get a really strong gut feeling about people intuitively. But too many people are blinded to see it. That is why I always say to guard your heart and your mind, and to never get emotionally attached to people so quickly. Boundaries always needs to be set.
Yeah for the most part, I don't get attached easily but sometimes it's inevitable. I think how you act on it is more important than the feelings/attachment being there themselves.
This is great, thanks for dropping the comment! I agree with you, for me being in touch with someone is really important. Not just being in touch like being accessible and being able to call them or text them whenever, but asking how their day was, knowing what made them happy or sad, and in general just being aware of their overall emotional and physical state. Some people don't think it's that important to be in contact every day, but that would be really hard for me.
I tried to describe it to a friend: Have you ever had a really good friend that you haven't seen in a long time and talk during the catching up is intense. You want to know everything and you listen and process every word. That is how a great relationship can be all the time. That level of interest and focus does not have to fade. Both people should be hungry for the others time, attention and presence. Good Luck
That's a great description, thank you again :)
That makes sense. I guess the difficulty for some (and what might have been a part of yours also) is determining whether or not those flags are something you can work through together or actually signs of incompatibility.
Yea exactly, I would see the flags and brush themoff like they're no big deal and don't really matter since we love each other and those small things shouldn't come between us. However, they're flags for a reason and they all mean something much bigger than what is portrayed superficially. That's what that relationship has tought me, take the flags seriously and if you sense that something is off because of them then you're probably right. You need to be 100% certain that you're both just as committed into the relationship because if you aren't, it's doomed to fail.
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I should also mention that Girl 2 always had time to party, but never had time for the relationship. I don't think she understood that relationships actually require spending time with the other person. Go figure.
Thanks for sharing your experiences. It sounds like for the second your lifestyles just didn't match up. Maybe she would have grown out of that eventually, but you can't bank on that and wait for it to happen.
Of course! I doubt she's going to change much. Yes, she's young. However, she's old enough to know how to prioritize. If she can't do that now, I doubt she'll be able to 10 years from now.
Wow I'm sorry that happened, good thing you got the rings back though!
Sorry someone made you feel that way 😔 But so happy to hear that you found someone who does make you feel comfortable with who you are!!
This made me learn a bunch of things. No matter how much you have in common with someone, never affiliate your shared interests with them because if something goes wrong, those interests can be ruined. Not that I thought she was perfect and I definitely had my reservations after finding out she just got out of an LTR and her acting hot and cold, but it kinda reinforces the whole "if it's too good to be true then it is". Dating people on the rebound should be avoided at all costs. It might be fun while it lasts, emphasizing while it lasts, but as soon as it ends, it's very painful.
Very true. Thanks for sharing your story! It definitely takes time to get to know someone and the chemistry you have on a first date is rarely ever going to be exactly the same as a relationship grows.
Yeah I'd also like to add, that I didn't say this girl was the one or my "dream girl", or that I was gonna marry her. Others said that after i told them my experiences and I shook that off because thinking that way is dangerous especially if it ends bad like it did for me. It's still her fault though for inviting me over with a condom wrapper and then ditching me like I'm some inconvenience when I didn't even say anything about it as we weren't together.
LOL SHE DID WHAT.
Whoops. Accidentally left some stuff out, but the last time we saw each other, she invited me over to her place and everything was going great up until the end when she asked me to go to her bed and wait before we had sex. Then right before we had sex, I get up to take my shirt off and see an empty condom wrapper in her bed that clearly was from someone else. Didn't say anything because I didn't wanna make it awkward but she saw me see it and was like heh that's trash. Then we had sex and she walked me out to my car and kissed.
And then I didn't hear from her for a few days so I sent her a text just saying hey what's up? Got no response even though we were supposed to go to a fest later the next weekend, which she asked me to go to and then 3 days later I try calling her then got no response. 10 hours later, I then get a text saying hey sorry to be blunt but I'm not interested in pursuing this and then she blocks me from Instagram and snapchat then I end up seeing her walk past me with other guys the next day at the fest we were supposed to go to. She acts like it's my fault. I was so hurt, disgusted and betrayed.
Yea that just sounds so trash.. sorry man.
She sounds trashy? Yeah it was a really shitty situation all around.
I'm not really sure I agree with this method lol.. the same questions can be extended to you. If she doesn't like long hair (it's her hair anyways) why can't you respect what SHE likes, and why can't YOU accept that adjustment?
@jesshkah oh in that case double reason not to date her haha
Oh jeez, sounds like he got way too comfortable but not in the healthy, because you're in a good relationship type of way.
Yea he got wayy too comfortable.
Aww that's amazing! Glad to hear it worked out :)
I'm sorry that happened :/ did you guys not believe in living together before marriage?
It wasn't an option at the time. However, from now on, I don't intend to ever get married again. I would have a long term relationship, and I do want to have kids together after living with someone for a year first, maybe even make a promise to each other to stay together or do the religious part of the ceremony, but not legally get married ever again.
Very interesting! What made you say that?
it was just a gut feeling tbhi was surprised it didn't scare me and i forgot about it shortly after then when we broke up, i remembered and it made sense
I'm not talking about "the one" in the most common sense, but just someone you wanted to spend the rest of your life with.
That depends on your luck and there is nothing you can do about it. Technically there are hundreds of thousand of absolutely perfect people for you. But you can also go your whole life without meeting any of them. Its really something you can't affect on, if it happens - great, but if it doesn't you still gotta be able to feel happy and successful.
Lol I get that.. you just, didn't answer the question.
Well then let me answer now: if you do meet one of those people, you will not ask yourself "is this the one". Better?