Girls, do you think most frustrated guys are self-defeating when it comes to dating?

It seems to me that so many guys now are really frustrated and bitter about girls. Sadly, I'd bet that most of them are their own biggest barriers to success with girls. So many guys are just dripping with self-defeat, like they've convinced themselves girls don't want them and there's nothing they can do to improve. If they had even the slightest self-belief they'd be able to get girls, but no girl wants a defeated guy. It's really sad.

My friends and I are just normal guys who don't use 'game' or anything, and we all have different personalities. What we have in common is we all stay fit, we're successful, and so we've developed strong self-confidence. All of us have girls liking us constantly and wanting to get to know us. We're not that special, it just doesn't seem that hard to build social skill and confidence by making connections with girls. I really wish guys would stop quitting on themselves and work harder to make themselves strong so they could just get girls and kill this mental block they've created.

  • Yes
    100% (14)
  • No
    0% (0)
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What Girls Said 3

  • I think the ones who are most frustrated are their own worst enemy. Often their problem is that they expect all women to be the same, want the same things, etc so they get frustrated because they're trying to find a one size fits all approach to gaining women's interest and that does not work! This is often further confounded by the fact that they're trying to get women who are, quite frankly, out of their league.

    • I agree with most of what you wrote except for the part about girls being 'out of their league.' I don't believe in leagues. People like who they like, and honestly, if I shut myself down by talking myself out of asking out really attractive girls, I would never date the girls who really catch my eye. This is actually what holds these guys back, this belief that so many girls are too good for them. They end up giving up before they even try.

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    • I met a girl who was out of school and attracted to me but wouldn't date me because I don't have a paying career right now. That's perfectly fine because that was her choice. Guys need to realize, though, that just because some women say 'no' based on a given trait doesn't mean all women will. When I got rejected by that girl it wasn't the end of my dating life. I moved on to other girls who weren't put off by my low-income job. Guys need to have the strength and perseverance to not take one girl's rejection as a rejection by all women.

    • That is true. That's where the whole "seeing women as people" thing I mentioned before comes in. We don't have a hive mind. We're all different.

  • Yes, that seems to be the trend on the internet. Guys are so bitter because they can't get pussy and build it up in their minds into this insurmountable thing, like they're nothing since the one girl they asked out said no. I just wish guys would learn to accept girls saying no. They need to realize that girls have a right to choose, but there are millions of girls looking for guys, so the key is perseverance.

    • I agree. I used to get nos all the time from girls, but I've gotten better both at creating attraction and at learning which girls are interested and which are not. Now I almost never get turned down. It's all about learning social skills and making yourself as attractive as you can.

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    • omg yes! ^this^ is how guys should approach dating when they're young. Get out and get some experience so you can kill your fears and figure it all out.

    • @OP, exactly. You have no idea how hard it was for me to convince my boyfriend that he's good enough for me. He'd always say I'm "out of his league" and that he's a "loser." Looks really aren't everything, and I wish more guys thought like you do.

  • Chicks too. I'm one of them - I let bad childhood experiences convince me all relationships had to be bad. Guess what? Mine were. Self fulfilling prophecies are real.

    • I know they are. I got bullied in intermediate school, and it took time for me to get past that. But that first flirt and 'yes' I got from a girl in high school gave me so much pride at my success that I wanted more and worked hard to make it happen. You just have to build enough courage to take that initial leap and taste that first success. Confidence and belief will grow from there.