How out there is it to ask a guy to move across the world to be with me?

i live in Tokyo. im an art student here second year.
about two months ago i matched with a guy on Tinder. but he was only here for visiting family. i matched with him the day before he left so we never met in person.

but we kept messaging eachother anyways. and now we call eachother about once or twice a day to talk over the phone.

he was the first one to say ''i want to move back there for you'' and he always says he wants me to be his girlfriend. and he has said he wants to get a place with me.

keep in mind we actually really like eachother

but i tell him i won't consider you my boyfriend until he is actually here.

but now its getting really hard because i just want him here. and the sooner the better. because we never actually met eachother there is so much we dont know. what if i can't actually stand him once i meet him.

Japan is his homeland so its not like im telling him to come to a foreign country he doesn't know.

but i feel its so wong of me to say ''come here for me''

and i can't go to him because he is in France... and i studied japanese for two years so i could attend this university, I've wanted to attend since middle school. so im not leaving until i graduate

and he even he hates it there in france and wants to leave so im for sure not going there.

ughhh what do i do?

His parents have a house here in tokyo. His sister currently is the only one there though.

And his parents have another house in France that he is currently living in with them and he works at their business in paris.

So if he leaves france he doesn't need to sell his house or quit his job. Its more like a transfer back to a life in tokyo. Because its his home town and he grew up here.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Personally I would see this as a massive ask, especially considering you've never really had any physical contact. Also what would you do if he came all the way there and he isn't what you expect? I would take it slowly although I do feel your situation seems unrealistic and I know it might be hard but maybe look for someone else?

    • yeah we call eachother everyday two or three times. and just talk about random things. im falling more and more for his personality everyday.
      and he and i have an agreement if we meet someone else then we can date them if we wish... so i have actually been dating other people on the side. not sleeping with them. but each date I've been one hasn't warented a second one. i am aware maybe i won't like him when we meet. and that is my concern. but we facetime everyday so its like being there but not.

      in the end he is deciding to buy a one way ticket here. plan to stay about a month in febuary-march so we can see how things are then.

Most Helpful Girl

  • I think he should come for a visit and you'll see how it goes from there. But I don't think he should officially move for you before you have an actual relationship for a reasonable amount of time.
    Give this a moment if you wish :)


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • Just be patient and let the relationship slowly develop itself. There's nothing you can really do but wait to be honest. Just keep messaging each other, and occasionally visit but the rest is up to how deep and strong the connection is between you two.

    • it costs 2,000- 3,000 for a trip there and back so just visiting isn't really an option. its too expensive. he might ba able to afford it. but i for sure can't as a student.

    • My friend once told me that back in Thailand, he was childhood friends with this amazingly talented and pretty girl. Their families were really close but my friend stayed in America and she stayed in Thailand. The conclusion that he reached was that they should both do what they like, gain experience in other relationships, and then in the end, see if it works out between the two of them.

      You won't be a student forever and he'll always be there even if you get yourself another boyfriend. It may be painful at first, but it's worth it in the end if you still have feelings for each other even after all that.

  • wait are you white?

    • im mixed but how is that relevent?

    • just curious.. Anyhow if the guy cares enough about you to move back to japan then great and i wish you the best of luck.. God Bless American and God Bless Trump!

    • he is going to come for a visit in February

What Girls Said 0

The only opinion from girls was selected the Most Helpful Opinion, but you can still contribute by sharing an opinion!

Loading... ;