If I had not slept with this guy so soon, could I have stood a chance against the other girl he was dating?

Don't laugh, but I joined Tinder a while ago thinking it was a legit dating app. It wasn't until recently that I realized how many people use it for hookups. So I matched with a guy & thought he wanted a girlfriend, so we went out on a couple dates. (1st & 2nd date were one month apart with texting in between) On the 3rd date, he took me to dinner & we ended up having sex.

After that, he didn't put in effort anymore & would take me to dinner at restaurants close by his house & we would go back to his place and hookup. This continued for 3 more encounters. Now, I feel heavily regretful that I even allowed for any of this to happen & didn't set a standard of what I wanted. If only I taken it slow/allowed ourselves to develop a deeper emotional connection before sex. I began reading self-help books on relationships realizing how much I could have prevented this from happening.

The reason why I'm asking if this outcome was entirely my fault was because of this: He just recently got a brand new serious girlfriend, and I'm guessing they had been dating each other around the time I was dating/hooking up with him. I looked at her IG & noticed that just a couple weeks after him & I had sex for the first time, he had given her a bouquet of flowers for her birthday and that they had gone to a music festivals, concerts and other events together. Family and friends even know her.
So, do you think if only I had not slept with him so soon and allowed ourselves to develop an emotional connection, I could have stood a chance against the other girl?

I keep beating myself up and feeling like if only I had allowed us to develop an emotional connection, I could have stood a chance against this girl.


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What Girls Said 2

  • As much as you regret it don't take it as a learning lesson. To answer your question most likely no, you can be a 10 out of 10 and if someone else is thinking of someone you cannot replace them unless they want you to.

    • Exactly! Sleeping with him too soon have wouldn't change that. He probably had feelings for this girl even before he knew you.

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    • I think he had this girl on his mind and he wanted to be official with her even before he met you but like some other guys do he also wanted to play around until he could be official with this girl. So there is no reason to think that you did something bad. You would had not been able to change his mind.

    • @Luci160999 Thanks, that makes me feel much better about the situation. I had been incessantly been beating myself up to a pulp about it and constantly thinking "I should have done this! Or I should have done that! "

  • Don't be so hard with yourself. Sleeping with him too soon doesn't have anything to do with that and if he doesn't considered you girlfriend material because of that then you don't want someone so judgmental like he is.
    Probably he wasn't looking for a girlfriend when he met you, is just about timing.

    • I also slept wit my boyfriend too son (second date) and we have been dating for 5 months. I have net his family and friends so what I'm trying to say is that sleeping with him too soon or not wouldn't change that he now has a girlfriend.

    • *met

    • Well, I mean, he was seriously dating someone while seeing me, and now they're official. Literally this happened like 3 weeks after we got intimate for the first time. See? This is why I regret it, I could have developed an emotional connection with him if only I had allowed for us to get to know each other more before having sex.