I've made a huge mistake? Help?

I met this guy two years ago and it was perfect, i liked him a lot, just his looks and his accent and we had a nice time together, but i was also very depressed and i knew that if i threw myself in a relationship or seks it would mess me up even more, he wanted to choose me as his girlfriend but i lied to him and said i have another guy so that he will leave me alone and find another girl who can offer him happines and a nice fun social life, i was too depressed to love someone and i just needed to figure out who i am and he couldnt accept that or he felt like i rejected him and he still thinks i cheated on him... i know i messed up because no guy after those two years can measure up to him, he felt like a brother to me... we were friends and could talk about anything untill the late hours including making out, just his smell and his adorbleness and his funny jokes makes me miss him... what should i do? he has a new girlfriend now and moving on hurts... i still like him very much... i dont know why i lied but at that time i was just too sad to function and too ashamed to admit im depressed...
I've made a huge mistake? Help?
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