Would you keep stringing a girl along if she had given you a few "outs"?

Scenario - guy I met up with few times (broke up with his long term ex in April time) - things got sexual but not full on penetrative sex - I sleep over - spoon all night - he gets quieter after text wise - girl notices he's more distant when asking when free to meet up again - says they don't have to and just to let her know if she's being too forward - he says it's ok - then he's hot and cold again - then she sends a text saying she's feeling he's hot and cold and that she liked getting to know him and it's cool if he doesn't want to continue, but to let her know so she's not "flogging a dead horse" - he apologises for being quiet, says work busy and family stuff (he has a kid) - says not to worry that I'm not bugging, to keep messaging, and we will meet up for more fun soon - then proceeds to have 2 hour conversation with me.

Stringing me along even when he's had the opportunity handed to duck out?


Most Helpful Guy

  • So, your flaw here is thinking that a guy would want to take an opportunity to "duck out". The ideal set up is to have a girl that you can hook up with but who also doesn't want a commitment. The most common way to do this is to use the hot/cold method that you talk about. The hot draws her in and allows for the hookups, while the cold keeps you two distant and allows him the opportunity to pursue other options. Then if she starts to cool on him and move too far away, he can then go hot again to draw her back in.

    So no, this doesn't sound genuine at all. Again, there's no reason for a guy to want to break something off as the idea is to maintain a bit of a relationship so that the woman remains an option.

    • I want to hook up with him as well - it was supposed to be a regular friends with benefits but it doesn't seem all that regular. I would say I was in the mood, message etc. but always on his terms. What do you suggest I do - go a bit cold on him then? I can't deal with games even if it is casual.

    • Definitely go cold on him but more importantly, look for someone else. Even if you go cold, it's likely this guy will still want to do things only on his terms but I guarantee you can find someone else who fits your criteria perfectly without being jerked around.

    • Thank you for the clarity! I've had 2 mutual friends telling me he's such a nice guy when obviously he isn't that great after all.

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