Why do I feel so hurt?

MariaBuliana
I feel like i am beaten down by life. I'm 24 and i feel like by the time i was 16 i was beaten to 'death'' by life. I grew up with a abusive mother (and i do forgive her) but she made home feel like it was not a ''safe'' place to come and lie your head down. I went through illness, an older sister who was so out of control and bullies us everyday and my mom always chose her, she never kicked her out. As a result i went through a depression (i was Always the really sweet kid who never wanted to hurt anyone feelings, even when someone would curse me out i would still bend over backwards to help, very naive) but not a talker, not an attention seeker) anyways, i kinda lived in a dream like state after that for years, i didn't socialize, i had huge anxiety problems, i hated making mistakes i would rather die then make mistakes. so for three years i locked myself inside of the house and only talked to my siblings. At 21 i went back to school and all of a sudden a whole new world opened for me, i saw people doing drugs, going out partying and having friends and i had my first kiss at 22 and the guy that kissed me turned out to be an jackass who said ''i was dissappointment'' because i didn't have a social life. That really hurt me because i was already depressed.. Anyhow now im 24 not many friends, live on my own but very very very depressed, they put me on sertalin but its not working, i want to feel better one day i want to enjoy life and move on but something inside of me says i won't ever be able to live normally, maybe i have an mentall illnes?
Why do I feel so hurt?
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