I feel like a shitty person, maybe I am. What should I do now?

I moved to a new place 4 mo ago, and about a month and a half in I meet this fellow, call him Sam, who I was so so attracted to. I couldn't even introduce myself, but through mutual friendships, we crossed paths enough that we added one another on Facebook. Sam is shy, so we don't speak much but he messages me on Fb to which I put on my flirting hat and get to work thinking maybe it could be fun.

Fast forward, here we are a few months later, and he hasn't asked me many questions. So he doesn't have the first clue what is on my mind which is this. I like him, and I'm attracted to him, but we can't hold a conversation without me working very hard and every comment I make being a question to him. He doesn't know that I intend to leave sometime in the next few months as I am applying to jobs out of state since the position I am in now was always meant to be a temporary thing. He is good and kind, and I don't want to hurt him, but I know that he isn't the right fit for forever.

He is a central part of the large group of friends that I have made in this place and it would be heartbreaking to lose them all over a break-up.

OK! So what is the right thing to do? Do I tell him that I intend to leave and let it play out from there? Do I just break it off now because I know it won't work out? Or do I continue to let things play out, enjoy it while it lasts and use my new job (fingers crossed) as an excuse to leave in a couple of months? Do I just open up and tell him everything, that I need more from him, that I might be ready to have sex but only if he knows the relationship has no future? Do I slit my wrist cuz I'm a bad person for not having had this discussion already?

I'm serious about him being a good guy. He also hasn't been in many relationships. The last thing I want to do is break his heart, he fell really fast and I feel awful for not telling him I am going to leave so that he could at least have guarded his heart better. Bad choices. BAD choices. Sorry Sammy.


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Ask yourself how you'd feel in reversed roles. If you have any compassion for him you must communicate it can't last because you're going away. The sooner he knows the better.

    • I completely agree. So you suggest I bring this up and let it play out from there?

    • Definitely! If you like each other and he's okay with having a short term fling, go for it. Just make sure that you communicate that getting emotionally attached might harm you both and avoid it best you can. Keep it cool.

    • Thanks Stuart. I appreciate the advice more than you know.

What Girls Said 1

  • You need to tell him the truth. He deserves to know. Imagine if you were in his position...