What is physical attraction?

I've struggled with my sexuality for a while now. I've always identified as heterosexual. After a recent conversation with a friend, however, I've come to realize that asexual/aromantic may be more apt terms to describe how I feel.

What I truly struggle to grasp, I think, is the concept of physical attraction. I don't think I've ever been physically/sexually attracted to anyone. When I've had "crushes" in the past, my "fantasies" have always been strictly platonic - maybe dreaming about going to a museum together, or walking through the park on a nice afternoon. I'm not prudish or sheltered by any means. I'm capable of being aroused (I do masturbate), but the thing is, I'm more aroused by the concept or premise of having sex rather than the idea of having sex with another person. Even when I touch myself, I never, ever imagine doing these things with a partner - the idea of someone else touching me almost repulses me.

When I've kissed men in the past, the sensation was strange - I felt nothing physically (no spark, no desire, etc.) In terms of sensation, it felt like the equivalent to hugging or getting a high-five, haha. I can admire when people are aesthetically good-looking. For instance, I'll see a man in a coffee shop and think to myself, "Wow, what a handsome guy." But my heart never skips a beat, I never feel any desire for him ("tingles," longing/pining, etc.), I never fantasize about touching him/being touched by him. My friends, on the other hand, say it's normal for them to fantasize about a celebrity sexually or to even have sexual dreams about guys they're into.

TL;DR How would you describe physical attraction? Is my thought process regarding attraction "normal"? How do you feel when you see someone "attractive" on the street - what goes through your head?


Most Helpful Guy

  • It's some physical stuff that influence the attraction and I have no idea what it feels like. Sometimes I wonder if it's the same thing as sexual attraction or aesthetic attraction. It could be one or the other or both but it depends on how people want to define it. You would only know if you feel it.
    I'm asexual/aromantic
    I never was physically/sexually attracted to anyone
    Any "crush" I had felt forced. They were merely obsessions. Every time I tried to think sexually or romantically of them it would turn me off, the thought would get blurry, and I would get bored. I never enjoyed them and I disliked them. So I only thought of strictly platonic activities with them until I got bored. I did not have the thoughts very often. I was 19 years old when I stopped having them because that was when I figured out I'm asexual/aromantic.
    I do get erections and this is a good sign that proves that I'm healthy.
    I can masturbate. I don't think about anything when I masturbate. Whenever I tried to think about myself or others having sex, it would ruin the mood for me and it would gross me out. There are some asexuals who think about other people having sex when they masturbate but not about themselves having sex. The idea of other people having sex doesn't arouse me at all but it can arouse some other asexuals.
    I never had dreams about having sex. I had dreams where I ran away from people who wanted to hook up with me. I had dreams where I told people I'm asexual.
    I never understood why people fantasize sexually about celebrities. I guess it's because they are physically attracted to them lol.
    I had experiences where I looked at someone and thought wow this person is beautiful but I never thought about being touched by them or touching them. I guess that's aesthetic attraction. It's quite rare for me to think someone is physically attractive. In my opinion, nines and tens are minorities. Aesthetic attraction can vary from ace to ace.
    I'm very averse to touch. I hate it when people hug me, touch my hand, and kiss me... But aces can feel differently about this. Some aces like these things, some don't and some don't care either way.
    Experiences are not all the same. Only you would know for sure if you're aromantic/asexual.. I think you most likely are. Don't let non-asexuals try to define what your romantic/sexual orientation is. A bunch of stupid people on GAG can't define your sexuality. If you have questions about it ask them on asexuality. org.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Physical attraction is something that is undeniable. If you physically are attracted to someone you know it. It is about chemistry. It is about thinking about their body, their face, or whatever they have that makes you yearn for them. Physical attraction is something that is almost instant in my opinion. I have learned that most of the time more men than women can have physical only relationships, and not let emotions get involved, but women once connected physically want both! Not sure if this makes sense, but if you were physically attracted to someone, (male or female) you would know!!!


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • if u have anything to do with sex, u are not asexual. they have sex cut out of their life. they have no desire for it or anything. so if u ever had a dream or something where u were taking it in the ass or something from someone u liked u are normal girl.

    physical attraction is seeing a person in the street and watching their boobs bounce up and down, liking the color of their eyes vs other ppls. something with THEIR hair color. something about them stands out to u vs other people. guys will normally see face, tits, ass , legs while girls will normally see face, arms, stomach, ass, legs. a lot of times its a combination of small things that makes it seem wonderful.

    i dont know about girls, but for guys, usually after the girl leaves our sight we forget about them in general. its only the very rare ones we remember, and its usually for a reason. so if a guy u like is near by and u hear him talking about a girl passing by and how she looks, good chance it does not matter and he was just tallking about what was in front of his eyes and not what he cares about.

    i guess if u want a TLDR; its guys u will proably get a boner from looking at the person, while girls will get enlarged boobs and get wet.

  • I am asexual and aromantic, to me it sounds like you are too. I don't really know what sexual/ physical attraction feels like, is basically just a textbook definition to me. I do experience aesthetic attraction, particularly toward women or feminine looking people. Usually I just like their outfit, face, makeup, hair, nails, etc. I definitely feel you on the platonic fantasizing too. Message me if you would like 😊, I know a lot about asexuality as I have been active in the community for a while now, you can also look up AVEN for more info.


What Girls Said 1

  • yeah, it sounds like you're asexual. you wouldn't be aromantic because that typically means you don't want to be with anyone at all, or you could be demisexual in which case you would only be attracted to someone after you know them personally.