Is this normal? I can't do this?

The guy that I am seeing he said that sleeping arrangements are a big deal for him? He's getting a little crazy about it all. He said he thinks I'm rejecting him or I'm Closing myself off. I think it's so unhealthy that as a 19 year old girl I can't just sleep in my own bed without feeling guilty about it. He always has to be clung on to me in the bed and I don't have a double bed. I have a twin and I am not used to sleeping with somebody else. I literally fear the night time cause I know he's going to bring up sleeping arrangements. But he keeps saying that he can't sleep alone.. etc.. but I think he takes it too far.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Just tell him that you don't sleep well when sharing a bed and that it's important that you get enough sleep because you need to be able to function the next day. It's nothing personal, it's just you and how you are. If he can't understand that or think about your needs then he's just being selfish. You can share the bed when you're having sex or cuddling but then when it's time to sleep it's not unreasonable to ask for your space. I definitely sleep better with my own space too. Don't put up with his whining. I bet he would want the same if he couldn't sleep when sharing the bed.

    • That's exactly what I have communicated with him and he says I'm hiding something from him which I think is ridiculous. Sleep is a human need and I'm not at that point yet where I feel comfortable sleeping with someone every night. He's become obsessed though with needing someone in his bed and he said that this is how it's always going to be. An excuse to get away from him. And he says unless I am sleeping in his bed he won't sleep.

    • Tell him to grow up and stop being so selfish. If he can't sleep without you in his bed then how did he ever sleep before he met you?

      Also, when he said that this is how it's always going to be, he doesn't get to decide how it's always going to be. You get to decide that too. Tell him that it will be the end of the relationship if he doesn't stop acting like a spoilt child.

    • I have also said this and then he said that I'm being over dramatic threatening the relationship but I can't keep staying up till early hours of the morning because afraid of a super over-possessive guy. Like I told him I just want to sleep. I don't think it's bad like we are still in the same room right now and he got up and ran a bath like, it's 4 in the morning and we are at my parents house...

Most Helpful Girl

  • After reading this question and the comments, I seriously got mild anxiety lol. I absolutely hate clingy people like that, and he seems completely obsessed. It also doesn't seem like he's willing to compromise and refuses to see your side of it. I'm like you, I'm a very "picky" sleeper and I can't fall asleep with someone breathing down my neck or holding me. Like I would love to be able to fall asleep however, whenever, but I just can't. I really empathize with you in that regard.
    I think he's the one overreacting here, he's the one who claims he can't sleep without you even though I'm assuming he's been sleeping fine when he was single. He's also taking it way too personally when you tell him that it gives you sleeping problems.
    All in all I don't think I could personally be with a guy like that.
    - He doesn't respect your personal space, to the point where it's messing with your sleep.
    - He refuses to compromise.
    - He's clingy.
    - He's overreacting.
    - He's accusing you of hiding something or rejecting him just because you don't want to cuddle with him all night long.

    These are some really bad traits, and I'm sure these traits will rear their ugly heads in the future too. Having a partner who's capable of respecting your personal space, seeing your side of things and being able to compromise, is key. Those are some very serious traits that give a nice framework for healthy communication. And he has none of them.
    Would you be able to put up with this sort of behavior in the future? Maybe not just in regards of sleeping arrangements, but more serious things. Like budget, traveling, where to live, and other serious matters. If you can't handle this type of behavior now, you most likely won't be able to in the future. And if he refuses to compromise now, I doubt he'll change in the future, too.
    So maybe you should consider not being with this guy anymore.

    • Everything you said is so true and I think he is super unhealthy for me. Today he told me that if I don't sleep in the same bed as him then he refuses to let me sleep

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Are you having sex with him? If so, are you saying you'd prefer him to sleep in another bed afterwards?

    • We have had sex yes but whenever we have done so I do sleep in his bed. I don't just have sex and ditch him or anything I'm just talking about sleeping

What Girls Said 1

  • if he can't respect ur space, then u shouldn't make time for him. that is ridiculous. and kinda rude :(

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