Socially Acceptable Age Differences in Dating?

I am 17 and I think a 12 year old has a crush on me. She has a boyfriend but she is constantly flirting with me. For the time being, this seems OK, but I am scared she might try to ask me out. If she does, I do not know what I will do. I have assembled a couple arguments for what I might say but in the end I want to see what other people think would be the best course of action.

If I say yes to dating her, it would be awkward because of the age difference. The weird thing is, I thought she was 16 when I met her because she looks and acts way more mature than she did. I will not lie, I had a crush on her. Once I found out she was 12, I felt extremely weird and even undignified to a certain degree. If I liked her before I knew her age, is it fair to judge on that basis? Is that too shallow?

I want to also clarify that there is no sexual intent whatsoever. I have no intention to try anything sexual at all with her. In fact, my attraction with her was based on her personality, not her sexual appeal.

Another thing is that it's only a 5 year difference. It means a lot now, but at what point would that not become awkward?

I could really use some advice on this, so I know what to do if she ever actually asks me out.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm a big believer in 'age is just a number' but because of the society we live in (and its laws) you have to draw lines to keep yourself and others out of trouble. My advice is to abide the laws. You're fine now, but think if the relationship goes well and you turn 18, you could get yourself into some really hot water.

    If she's as mature as you say she is, just explain to her that there are laws against that. I know when I was 12 and I had crushes on older men I didn't really think about the law, so I don't expect her to care. Just be persistent and don't give in to urges.

    5 years isn't a huge gap to me. I think after you turn 18 age really doesn't matter too much. The awkwardness comes from mostly being at 2 different stages of your lives. You'd be graduating and going on to college while she'll just be starting high school. They're completely different worlds. After 18 you're kind of on the same level.

    I can't tell you want to do, but if you decide to date her just be careful. Maybe really get to know her on a friend level before. I believe that your intentions are in the right place, but I'd hate for things to turn ugly for you.

    • There are laws against having sex. I do not intend to do that whatsoever. Anyway, I hope I don't have to face that situation for a few years.

    • I actually wasn't thinking of whether the two of you become intimate or not. I'd just hate for you to be put in a situation where you guys have a fight and she gets so upset and runs to her parents and says, guess what? He raped me. Who do you think they're going to believe? You or her? And with you being 17-18 you could face some serious charges. That what I meant by being careful and thinking about getting to know her really well on a purely friend basis first.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 6

  • I will just be blunt here. THE GIRL IS 12! She is at a totally different maturity level than you. She doesn't even have the word "teen" in her age yet, lol. Think of this. You will be 18, legal age to fight a war, go off to college, frat parties, european trips, bar hopping, and then you will potentially have a girlfriend who is 13 back at home who isn't even in high school yet.

    I don't care if the girl acts like she is 30, she is still a child and much more so than yourself. Think of yourself at 12. What kind of girlfriend did you have and what did you do with that girlfriend at 12 versus now. Huge difference, right?

    You are a big boy on the verge of being a legal adult. If she asks you out, tell her thanks but no thanks. She is too young, PERIOD!

    As far as age difference being only 5 years, that would hold water if she had finished puberty yet. Like, 20 y.o. versus 25 y.o. Then there is no measurable difference. But given the age she is now, it is more like 10 years difference.

    Plus, how would your friends view you dating a 12 y.o? Weird right?

    Just move on from this one.

    Good luck!

  • You cannot be serious about dating a 12year old, right? I mean you are 17, almost of age. She is a kid, not even a teenager. It is not okay even if she does look older than she is.

    I also looked like 15/16 when I was 11 (yeah, it was slightly traumatic) and I remember this 18year old always flirting with me and telling me that I am beautiful and stuff. Looking back I feel totally repulsed about his behavior.

    She is young and cannot understand that it is not okay for you to not date her, so it is you who should explain to her in a nice and caring (but still very clear) way that you two cannot under any circumstances date.

  • I think it's fine if you go out with her. Love has no age barriers :P (unless you're a pedophile, which I highly doubt you are.) But I think you might just have some issues with other people. They might think it's weird you're dating a twelve year old.

    Btw, if you do decide to date her, keep in mind she's still TWELVE even if she acts older. The kind of stuff she's used to in a relationship may be different than you're used to. For example, she's the farthest she's probably gone is maybe holding hand and maybe a kiss on the cheek. So I don't believe it would be wise to get too physical with her. I understand you don't have any sexual intentions, but do keep that in mind and good luck :D

  • It's hard for me to judge because I'm in a VERY age difference relationship.

    (16 with a 26 year old, with parent consent so YES, it IS legal. We made sure before we made anything 'official')

    Anyways, I AM a bit concerned because she is 12!

    Maybe if y'all were a bit older I find there to be no problem.but 12?

    Lots of little kids have 'admirers'.

    It's just the image of an elementary school kid dating a high schooler.that's what society'll see and find 'bad'.

    I know I don't know her but I find it a little hard to believe a 12 year old acts/looks four years older, but then again, like I said, I cannot judge.

    I'd wait a little longer to see what she really wants, and I'm not trying to the 12/17 relationship.I just think she's too young to decide something like THAT.

    What do you think y'all's parents'll think?

  • um homie that's RAPE! you must be outta your mind if you decided to go out with a 12 year old girl only five five year difference she's still a child she's not experienced yet and not at your level at least date someone 15 and if she ask you out tell her no she's too young come on be real now.

  • Ok well I think that's a little weird as she is only still a kid remember she has not hit the big 13 yet at least wait personally I think it might be like dating a 10yr old it would be fine if she was 14 but 12.


What Guys Said 1

  • The thing is six years is not the problem. She is 12. She might act older but there are just some things that only come from age experience. This might lead to several bad situations where her immatureness really show.

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