Girlfriend breaks up with me after 8 years. 10 days later she's on a date. What do I do?!

Hi all,

I’ve been with my (now) ex-girlfriend for over 8 years. We have known each other since we were about 9 or 10 and dated for the last 8 years or so – I’m now 26. Our relationship survived 5 years of long distance through my Uni, and 3 years ago I moved in with her. I’d made a decision to propose to her once I had a handle on my finances (got made redundant, changed job and moved flat within a year). And was due to go shopping for a ring within the next week.

She is my world and I could clearly see every detail of our future together. Then a couple of weeks ago, she said she didn’t love me anymore, and she wanted to break up. This was completely out of the blue. She’d been a little distant and been spending more and more time with her own friends but I put this down to a healthy social life and the stress of final year coursework.

She told me that she’d been considering this for months but tried to carry on until she was sure. And that was that. She wasn’t willing to try to see if we could fix it, or work at it anymore. I was and am absolutely crushed.

We’ve just moved into a new flat together on a 6 month contract, so I’ve moved my self to the spare room for some ‘space’, but in reality we can’t get away from each other in a small flat.

The 1st thing she said to me when she broke up is that there was no one else. But 2 days ago she went out with a friend for dinner and drinks. This friend of hers has been around on the scene for a couple of years and I’ve known for a long time that he likes her and she likes him – but that’s healthy, you can’t help if you like someone. I didn’t warn her off because I had complete faith that we were in a solid strong relationship.

Just as I thought that maybe I could carry on living in the flat for the remainder of the contract things would be OK – worst case scenario is that we stay friends – after 16 years, I’m finding it impossible to just turn my back on my oldest friend. Best case is that she’d fall in love with me again.

But now I find that she’s given me literally 10 days to come to terms with this before she’s moved on, and it’s unbearable.

I feel totally humiliated – I know him and he knows me. He knows we just broke up and he still went out on a date with my ex. The same goes for her – she knew how I felt about her and that I’m still in love with her, but she went out as well.

She’s had months to deal with this, and I’ve had less than 2 weeks, and have been absolutely shattered by it all. My entire life has disappeared and I’m left with nothing.

What makes me even madder is that after this date – this guy let my ex make her own way back through London to the east end by her self. I even waited up till 1am to meet her from the bus stop to walk her home, knowing in my heart even though she hadn’t told me yet that this was in fact a date.

How on earth do I move forward from here? What can I do to stop caring so deeply about her and getting hurt so


Most Helpful Guy

  • Unfortunately the relationship isn't based on how much you like/d her, it has to be both ways. And let's face it, there's a lot of evidence suggesting that not only was she not into your relationship for the last year or so, but she's been having an affair on the side.

    C'mon, she told you she no longer loves you. If that's not a warning sign, I don't know what is.

    So in terms of what you should do? Move out and get distance from her immediately. Then proceed to reconnect with your old friends and grab some independence back.

    • I know it's over. I've spent the last 2 weeks hoping it wasn't. But it is...

      I'm not sure I can physicaly move out till August - contracts etc. Plus, I can afford to live in that flat on my own - but she can't.

      I'm making an effort to now go out and meet new people - joining a new club for example.

      I just don't know how to stop feeling the way I do about her. I can't just switch it off after so long.

    • Show All
    • I was so with you until you said "best answer" lol..

    • Thanks for the best answer mate :D

      Asking for something more that doubles your chance of getting it. Especially on a site where many people forget to choose best answer hahaha.

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  • i know how you feel. I just got out of a 4 year relationship and there was a good bit of time that was long distance. I knew this girl since we were about 14 and were both 21 now. I consider her my best friend and she does for me too. About 6 months ago I knew she started having feelings for another guy and all and I knew she had kissed him. It didn't bother me because I had kissed another girl that she doesn't know about. Point is that we were in love with each other but the distance did hurt a bit.

    Now, I had asked her to think about possibly getting a place together by years end or beginning of next year and it kind of freaked her out. She was always loyal to me ( I don't consider her kissing another guy disloyal because we talked about having a semi-open relationship) and really my best friend. She had always been committed to something in life whether it be me, sports or school it was always something. This summer is her last real summer and she starts studying for the CPA in the fall and starts a job in the fall as well. She tells me that there is no other guy and they are all just friends. She learned a long time ago she can't lie to me and I put her on the spot recently to see if there is another guy and the old guy she used to like I feel is out of the picture.

    All she wants to do is have fun and not have to be committed to a Boyfriend right now and its the honest truth. I would say she was about 90% committed to us which is still good and all but she didn't feel she was all the way there and wasn't being honest with me about me so she ended it. So I'm giving her, her space and freedom and I'm taking this time as well to go out and explore new people/things while keeping some contact with her i.e a phone call every day or other day just to see how she is and things like that (this was after a no contact period for about 2 weeks). She seems really happy now and I'm happy she is happy but like you I am also still crushed.

    Bottom line is she may or may not have sex with other guys, who knows but if you really care and love her it won't matter. If your meant to be together you will be together just give it time. Personally, I'm giving it the summer, I'm going to find girls and have fun with them and after summer and maybe some of fall I still love her than I will try to re-kindle something but I know I don't have a shot now.

    The difference between me and you I feel right now is 1)age I'm 4 or 5 years younger 2) I don't know if you feel this way but I feel like my girl still wants to be with me but she has to have one last ride before she gets serious, kinda like a Bachelor party if you think about it. So my advice to you is don't let it get to you and I know it seems like the end of the world but you still woke up the next day didn't you! just go have fun the next few months and if after some time away, real time away!, you two still love each other ask her on a date and go from going out to lunch w my ex today and its the first sighting since we broke up!

  • Your an idiot for having a 5 year long distance relationship

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