Problems with girlfriend and her ex boyfriend?

So it's quite a long and confusing story but I am together with this girl for almost 1 year now and things are very serious but she has consistently kept in contact with her ex in ways that make me extremely uncomfortable. It started with her saying that she wasn't interested in talking with him or meeting him ever again and a few months went by and they ended up texting a bit... she said she just wanted to check in with him or whatever and it has developed now into him literally crying to her about how he wants her back and she refuses to tell him straight up no because she 'doesn't want him to ignore her'. She had previously said she would not meet him again but now recently has said it might be a possibility when he returns from school... and it seems every month things become more... strange... it has gone from seeing how each other are doing to talking on the phone and him saying he will leave school for her but she refuses to tell him she doesn't want it. Only that he shouldn't do it because it's bad for his career. She says I don't have to worry she loves me and she would never do anything but I can't help to feel like since she has said nothing further would happen yet every few months there conversations take a more intimate turn. I've let her know I can't stand it and she tells me I just shouldn't worry and she says she knows it's not cool what she's doing but that she can't just stop talking with him even though I have told her how extremely uncomfortable it makes me. I mean she talks with him through text... keeps their photos... talks with him on the phone... checks his instagram regularly and I'm sure she still has feelings for him but she's adamant that I am the one she wants to be with regardless... I really don't know what to do, I've explained to her my thoughts exactly but she only replies to tell me I shouldn't worry but things keep moving forward with them and when he returns to the city I do believe it would be over for us if they met.


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What Girls Said 1

  • I would have a serious talk with her. The problem here is that she is in a relationship with you and is continuing to keep the lines of communication open with her ex whom has admitted to wanting her back. She is encouraging his feelings that them getting back together is a possibility.

    Why does she continue to entertain this idea to him? I think that needs to be addressed. You are not overreacting or being controlling for not wanting her to speak with her ex. The matter here is that she is disrespecting your relationship by talking to her ex.

    It would be one thing if they had both moved on and were just chatting as friends. But him admitting and even begging her to come back makes it clear that he sees things as moving in that direction, or at least there being a possibility of a reconciliation.

    Then you need to figure out where you stand. How much more of this are you going to put up with? She is crossing a significant boundary in the relationship by entertaining her ex boyfriend like this. You have already told her this makes you uncomfortable, and she seems to just blow you off and keep talking to him.

    TBH I would be thinking about walking away if she can't respect your feelings.

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    • You said it all well.. it's what I try to tell her exactly the fact that she tells him it's not possible because of his career and school rather than not possible because she has me is what really bothers me... I don't know how to tell her she can't have both of us lined up with him as a safety

    • Yes! This is a tough situation for sure. But he is a big boy and their relationship ended. So he has to face the facts. Unfortunately we all have regrets in life, but you know what. We move on from them. He needs to do that. She needs to stop feeding into his idea of a reconciliation. It's not fair to you to have to deal with this, she's putting you in a terrible position. Hopefully she is able to see your side of things. Good luck!

What Guys Said 2

  • What she is doing is wrong having male friends in one thing but she is stringing him along and you. Give her a choice to either cut him off or go. She knows it's wrong but still does it in the end you will get hurt and it could lead to you having continual problems with future relationships.

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  • Issue an ultimatum. Tell her to dump him, or you're gone.
    Be an asshole about. That's the only thing your girlfriend will understand.

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    • I feel like that destroys the trust though... because then she won't believe I trust her enough to let her do what she wants without thinking she's going to do something bad.

    • You need to be rid of her in my opinion.

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