Parents: How long do you wait before telling someone about your children?

So recently I've been back on the dating scene, and I have a problem: I don't want/like children, at all, ever.

I've on a few occasions now become really interested in a guy only to find out he has kids a little ways down the road. Part of me gets really mad about this, because I feel like that's something that people should be up front about.

The other part of me respects that sharing that information is a personal decision--and oh well it won't work out, so I move on.

I don't want to be a freak who immediately asks people if they have kids but I almost feel like I'm going to have to. It's not fair to them or me to waste the time.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • If I had kids I wouldn't tell them about you. I'd fear you'd steal their cupcakes! 😱 jk jk. No they should tell you right away when in the just talking phase

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Most Helpful Girl

  • they should be upfront about it but unfortunately you can't expect that of people. i understand that you don't want to be rude so in this case i think you'll need to bring it up in conversation

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 11

  • Immediately. Being a parent is a HUGE part of my life and who I am, why would I not share that and be upfront about it?

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  • There is nothing wrong asking the guy if he has kids when you start a relationship. If we don't ask questions at the very beginning, we are foolish. Like you said, a waste of time if you don't. If the guy doesn't like that you ask questions, send him on his way. If you don't want to ask the question, tell him you do not want any children. Ask how he feels about that. A good man is going to say that he has kids. I've done online dating and every woman I talked to had questions for me and I them. I did this on the phone before even meeting. Stop over thinking because it just makes things seem worse than they are. Good luck!

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  • There are several things one should tell before a first date: Whether one has kids, whether one is married, and if one has an STD.

    I've seen on profiles how some women put for children, "not disclosed" or something like that. Well, that means yes.

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  • Won't go out with a woman if she has kids. She won't answer, or I think she's lying? Next.

    Fuck em. Ask.

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  • As someone who would never want kids either, I'd appreciate this and others like-minded might too.

    So you could just say screw the awkwardness and not waste time by asking straight up lol

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  • If you want to find out without running the risk of seeming baby crazy (by asking if they have/want them or not) and scaring off a potential suitor maybe just somehow bring up kids in general in a conversation? If they have kids I'd imagine that's when they'd bring them up. If not and they say it later down the road they were definitely hiding it.

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    • she does not want kids. and if she did and it scared a guy off then wrong guy.

      whats everyones fascination with distorting reality to attract people.

    • @AriadneSky I know she doesn't want kids. I'm just saying if there's an opportunity simply just bring up the topic of children in whatever way. If a person has kids this would probably be the time they'd say it. I don't see how that's distortion of reality in any regard.

  • I'm a father of two boys, now for me being of the age where most woman have children, it's easy.. but even if I wasn't, It would be one of the first things I would tell someone I was interested in.. In fact I'm dating a woman right now that has never nor will ever want kids.. I told her straight away, and we have been fine so far..

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  • n. The first date is not too soon to ask. That's why we date -- to find someone for the long run. So it's important to discuss your life goals early, instead of wasting months only to find that you want to be childless in New York and he wants six children on a farm.

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  • Before we start dating is the best time.

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  • It is dishonest to date without being upfront about having children. It's a deal breaker for some, why misrepresent yourself?
    So IMHO it should be upfront. "I'm a divorced dad" or "I'm a single mom with two" etc.

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  • right away, why the fuck would I be hiding it. she has to know I may cancel cuz of school shit of illness

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What Girls Said 7

  • Letting them know should be immediate... meeting them is what you should wait on. It really just saves the hassle to be honest about things like that.

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  • From day 1. Kids aren't something you casually toss out on the table later hoping nobody will notice. Day 1. Help people not waste everyones time.

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  • My fiancé told me about his son before we even started dating.

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  • Asking on the first date doesn't seem too forward, in my opinion. We all have deal breaker standards. There is nothing wrong with that.

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  • I am not a parent bu I think it should be know immediately if I have a kid

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  • I feel like as soon as you meet the guy that at way he knows what he's getting himself into

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  • He didn't wanna scare you off. He wanted you to get to know him before you started judging. He clearly is interested in you. If he ever introduced you to his kids then he realy likes you. It doesn't mean you be new mommy or be asked to help out.

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    • I get that was the motivation, but for me it's a deal breaker with no exceptions.

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