Muslim girlfriend got beaten and locked in her room after her father found out about our relationship. The guilt is tearing me apart. Is it my fault?

Am I to be blamed here? Maybe I should have never started this relationship.
She was locked in her room for two days. We met in secret the day after that and she showed me the bruises on her back and it broke my heart. Her father whipped her with his belt.
What can I do about this?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • no she would have known what she was gettin into im sure she would have known what her family would have thoughy of her having a relationship

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    • I want to help her but I dont know how.

    • stay away till its settled prob help then just be more carefully

What Girls Said 15

  • I'm so upset by this that I have shaking. This is not about you and your relationship, it is not about religion, it is about abuse pure and simple. You MUST help this girl. If you love her, you must do something. Whether she wants you to or not, someone has to intervene.

    I'm going to give you advice for the United States. I don't know where you live and it may be different in another country.

    Is the bruises are still visible take photos of them. Go to a women's advocacy center, call a helpline, or talk to a lawyer who does pro bono work for women issues, tell them the situation, and ask them for the best way to go about helping her.

    This should be pursued legally but you want to go about reporting it in the best way. Even if the victim does not want to complain, in many states charges will still be pressed.

    This absolutely CANNOT continue. I have even heard stories of Muslim fathers killing their daughters rather than letting them go outside their religion. I am not exaggerating that her life could be at stake here. Do you recall the case in the news several years ago where the father ran over the daughter with the family car?

    Help this girl. Do something TODAY. I have been in an abusive situation and the primary tactic is delaying. People always think it won't happen again, if I just do X he'll stop, or whatever. He won't stop. He is controlling her with physical abuse and emotional manipulation. You have got to get her out of this. It sounds like she's unwilling to leave the home, so you're going to have to go for outside help.

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  • Oh my goodness, i am so sorry for this, you guys need to seek immediate help, i don't know where you guys are from and if there is any institution in your placethat will help you, you can't just leave that girl in that family with that bastard of father? I wish i could help you guys UGH im so sorry <3

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  • It's not your fault. The problem is that her father follows orthodox islam, which at it's core is a very insecure, very controlling ideology.

    My guess is that he hit her because in their religion a girl is forbidden from even considering a non-muslim man for relationship. Should she go on marrying him without him converting, then she commits what they call "zina," which is a crime under islamic law.

    If you converting or agreeing to raise future kids as muslim (should you marry her) is the only thing that will make them happy, it's not a compromise. It's submission, it's conditional love, of which i'm strongly against.

    The only thing you can do is continue supporting her and provide counseling as needed. Because you may very well be her only support during this difficult time.

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  • you're not at fault here. you should just love her and support her as much as you can. thats all she needs and thats you can do. dont blame yourself.

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  • That's a really difficult position. I don't think it's your fault, and I wouldn't break up with her, even if you think it's better. She can decide for herself whether she wishes to ocntinue seeing you. I guess you guys can date in secret until her parents come around.

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  • Does she want u to leave her?

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    • no. (too short!)

    • Show All
    • Neither of us are religious and we do not need any religion in order to get married. It's just paper work to be signed and submitted. My parents have no problem with that. Only hers.

    • I guessed that.. most Christians are laid back when it comes to such matter but many Muslims are not.. the only way her father would accept your relationship is if u would convert otherwise he might disown her if he's an extremist..
      But it only matters if she cares about his acceptance..
      Anyways.. Good luck.

  • She should report it to the police. They are not allowed to whip her.

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  • no it's not your fault

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  • It's her dad's fault for being a psycho.

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  • No, it's her fathers bias minds fault. That is something that should be reported because that is nothing short of abuse. It's ultimately up to her whether or not she wants to do that. The only thing you can do is offer of your support.

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  • Where do you live?

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  • Where did this happen? Can't you go to the police?

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    • I suggested that but she doesn't want me to report it.

    • How difficult it might be for her, she can't be helped if she doesn't help herself.

  • fake story troll gonna troll

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  • dont leave this girl,,, just stay around and support her,,, i would suggest that you wait sometime until her dad cools off,, and maybe offer to try to talk to him? or he brother? tell them you love her and want the best for her,,, i am also a muslim girl and i have an American white christian boyfriend,, we love each other so much,, my family were against our relationship, but then my boyfriend talked to them and told them that he loves me and wants to marry me, my dad and brother said he must turn muslim ,,, and he agreed to do that for me, we will do the things they want ,,, and if at the end they still stood against our love,,, i will just runaway with him... and get married,,,, i believe that the muslim families shouldn't have this much authority on the daughters, while the sons can marry whoever they want ,,, it is just unfair,,, like, fuck this dad if he wouldn't want to listen to you or her,,, you are just a human regardless of your race or religion ,,,, just like us, try to do it in the right respectful way,,, if not, LEAVE

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  • Call the cop? What the fuck. Her had should go to jail. Religion shouldn't be the way to justify violence

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What Guys Said 13

  • This is an extremely difficult situation. Clearly her father is a radicalized muslim (their religion openly orders them to act this way... I'm not speaking from ignorance, I'll even give you the quranic verse that proves it so you can see it for yourself), and if that's the case, you'll never find peace. Even if you were somehow able to just pull her away and elope, his religion and community will find you and kill you both.

    Islam is like the ghetto... Not everyone there is violent or means you harm, but you're highly likely to find someone who is. Stories like this pain me, because I know there are skeptics, atheists, and christians in these muslim social prisons who can't get out, and even if they do escape, they're never truly free because their families and communities will hunt them down in retaliation...

    I'm so sorry you're going through this. I'm all for accepting of people with a different viewpoint, but Islam is an ideology that is just dangerous.

    Note: I'm criticizing the ideology, not the people. Your girlfriend is literally proof that not all muslims are dangerous...

    And if anyone thinks I'm just "islamaphobic" then I urge you to watch this series of videos from an ex-muslim-now-turned-atheist: www.youtube.com/playlist He posts his videos in both English and arabic, and cites all his sources for you to read and make up your own mind.

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  • "You must be tolerant of their religious belief hur dur"
    "Religion of peace hur dur"

    No, dude it's not your fault. It's the religion's fault. Or more speciffically the father's.

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  • Nope. Islam's fault. If I could cure the world of cancer or Islam, it'd be Islam. Well, all religion, but Islam first.

    Thankfully...

    s3.amazonaws.com/.../mattismeme4.png

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  • I'd be war path pissed right now if I was you and looking to take scalps.

    Sorry that happened. If you really wanted to, depending on what country you both live in you could both go to Child Protective Services, assuming she's under 18, and the police for domestic violence which would include this. I wouldn't do anything without her approval or backing though as whatever outcome may be it's definetly going to radically affect the situation with her family, possibly for the rest of her life. I would have a lengthy, serious, soul searching discussion if I were you.

    I don't know that you're necessarily to blame. Did you know this was a possible outcome? Either way, it takes 2 to make a relationship. You didn't put a gun to her head and force her to date you right? See my point?

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  • 1. That's a crime in most countries.
    2. She needs to leave his house and never allow herself to be alone with him. Maybe she or you could call a women's shelter and get some advice. The purpose of women's shelters is to provide a refuge for women being abused at home. It doesn't matter whether they are being abused by their partner or by a family member.

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  • Call the police. It's still a crime. Time her father learned he doesn't live in the middle east under sharia law. If he doesn't want to assimilate he must be deported

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  • It's not your fault, it's their retarded ideology's fault.

    Besides, why are you even dating a saracen?

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  • You can tell her u love her and wait for her. leave her alone for sometime.

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    • Yeah because it's not like she will be shipped to another country for an arranged marriage or anything...@Asker just you leave her alone for sometime maybe read a book or go for a long walk...

    • @Iraqveteran666 Good point.

  • Still wondering why did you added Muslim in from of your girlfriend's identity whereas failing to mention if she's minor or that you live in a strict community or if this is a case of intercaste relationship. Do not coin any identification unless you make it clear what real circumstances are?

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    • Because she is muslim and Im not.

    • and how old is she?
      by the way, if she is not minor, it's not your fault at all.

  • It is your duty to report this. If she is older, he has no right to do this.

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  • Which country are you in?
    There can be a solution to this if you are in Iran or India.

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  • That's your fault to entice her. His father was just not brazen faced.

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