Why is it so hard to get a boyfriend?

I always end up being someone's second choice or a rebound. In those rare cases where I do meet someone I really like and, he ends up losing interest and ghosting on me.
I don't know what I could be doing wrong because people tell me that I'm attractive, I'm academically-inclined, I am not mean, or self-observed. I've considered the idea that it could be because I'm just a poor college student? Why is it so easy for other girls to have boyfriends?

I'm 21 and never had a boyfriend. I don't know what to do.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Of course, I cannot really tell from just reading a few words of your question. There are some tricks that can help perhaps. Try marking on a piece of paper the number of times you say a sentence about yourself or use the word I and compare that with the number of times you talk about someone else or about another person you are with. Do the same thing for any use of a negative word, no, can't, won't, don't like, hate it, that's terrible, etc. The trick is, just try to move away from talking about yourself and say what you need with only positive words. You can actually talk about much of the same things and get your point across pretty well with a lot of detail by talking about others and being positive in your speech. For a lot of people this is a major shift. It's just different. However, the effect you will have on guys will be major. It will seem like you discovered a secret weapon.

    I mention keeping a list, because even though it sounds simple, it usually is pretty tough to make these kind of changes. If you actually see the number of counts, it helps. Good luck.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Perhaps its time to do some approaching? I know we like to wait for the man to do it most of the time but if its not working then it might be time to break out your shell. Thats why I did when I had a huge crush on my boyfriend, you just have to build up courage and go for it girl.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 26

  • When girls talk about guys, they don't mean the average ones. The more honest topic would be ''why is it so hard to lock down one of those hot guys?''

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  • It's not because you're a poor college student. It's something about your personality. either you're not caring enough or no fun to be around or too insecure etc. I can't tell you what it is because I don't know you but you just hve to keep growing as a person and try improving yourself and tackle the issues in your life and then you will find someone.

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  • What is your personality about? You sound like a great girl and definitely would be interested if i meetbyou irl and depending if we'd clicked or not. Its nothing that your doing but curious how your personality is. Maybe it's cuz you are shy? I don't know. Would like to hear more before inter can give an accurate speculation.

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  • You're a girl. Getting a guy is literary the easiest thing in the world for you. What do you look like? In any case it doesn't matter. Despite popular belief guys don't actually care about a woman's appearance when it comes to girlfriend material, at all.

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  • try being a man in the dating world, then get back to us.

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  • 21? Girl, you have years on you. My first girlfriend was at 30!

    but like others said, it's a lot easier with girls.

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  • Probably because when you go out you have a friend who tells most guys that approach that 'we're just having a girls night out', i. e. fuck off so they don't get the chance to meet you properly.

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  • I never had a girlfriend until I was about 25. I had a messed up life growing up. I'm sorry you're having to go through with this, and hope things work out for you. Hang in there.

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  • It's not hard for women as long as they're nice and not a gold digger.

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  • Romantic relationships aren't that important. When you meet someone then you meet someone. You may never meet someone. But that's okay. There's so much more to life than boyfriends/girlfriends.

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  • I feel the same way about getting a girlfriend. give it time. im sure it will happen for you. im a lost cause

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  • You could date average men instead of 'hawt' guys that have plenty of options when it comes to women. But in reality... you won't.

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  • Why is it so hard to get a girl friend. She either is with someone already who is usually a jerk or she is lesbian.

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  • Are focusing on certain types of guys and disregarding other options?

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  • im 22 and never had a girlfriend :P :P

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  • Just don't get desperate on yourself. The right guy will come along, just doesn't happen overnight. Some girls/guys date like crazy but not everyone does. It can be frustrating but don't start picking at yourself thinking you need to change.

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  • same with me though im a boy nd ik it feels shitty nd sometimes so depressing 😦

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  • Maybe you didn't find the right one

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  • Same boat, different gender. Goodluck to you.

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  • Just work harder

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  • Because women fucked the system. Now you women should stay single or let a guy fuck and dump you. Pathetic women... just want every fucking thing on their laps. Screw off honey.

    You girls fucked us with feminism... now reap the what you girls sowed.

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  • You may be looking in the wrong places. Try to look out for other types of guys, and don't be afraid to take the initiative.

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  • Because you women like bad boys and ignore or friend zone guys who are actually nice to you.

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  • It sounds like you may be a little preoccupied with the idea of having a boyfriend and in some cases that could be what makes guys lose interest. Try not to focus on getting a boyfriend instead just meet people and let it happen naturally. Even if you dont think you come off as desperate, you probably do if you're this concerned about it. And people can sense that

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  • What is your bra size? If you are flat-chested, that could be an issue.

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  • Same problem, get nowhere with finding a girlfriend, I don't know why it's so hard for people to connect, seems like everyone is so picky

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What Girls Said 9

  • You're like me. Some girls get guys really easily and they stay forever. Then there's us who come oh so close just to get nothing.

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  • do you actively flirt?
    do you meet them from mutual friends- it's easier to date a mutual friend because your friends would be watching your back.
    do you take care of yourself?
    I believe it when you say you're attractive but you have to put on cute clothes and look really kind of innocent and aloof
    are you too desperate?
    don't make it known that you really want a boyfriend. act like you don't, be distant and aloof. try to get him to engage first

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    • i was like that before too. for some reason, guys suddenly want me when i'm not too eager and I am emotionally unavailable

    • you want to meet a guy who won't make you a second option, make him view you as a first. or you leave him before he leaves you

  • Its incredibly difficult to please men. I say just invest in a good dildo and forget about them.

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  • Same here. Some of my friends always have a boyfriend. Like do they just build one in the basement or something? How do they find all these guys

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  • You should talk to this blue anon: www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q2265368-girls-why-can-i-not-get-a-girl-friend

    Gonna set u two up.

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  • It's not hard.. You just need to be straight forward with what you're looking for and don't entertain men who won't put in effort for you and only get to know dudes who are into you just as much as you're into them.

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  • better than having a toxic relationship

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  • It could be you or your surroundings.

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  • How many guys have you asked out?

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