Why would a guy avoid the relationship talk?

I have been dating this guy for two months now. We see each other almost every other day. He invites me out with his friends and him. He takes me out and we are having a great time in general. All in all I feel like we are a couple at this point. However, I feel he is avoiding the relationship talk. The other night we sort of started talking about our status, but we had both been drinking a little bit so he suggested we talk the next day. He came over the next day and there was no relationship discussion brought up. I am planning on bringing it up myself, but I'm wondering what would make him avoid it. It kind of makes me feel like I'm just convenient. If he was excited about the prospect of us being official wouldn't he be eager to bring it up?

Updates:
Wow. Just wondering where he stands. Not trying to get him to impregnate me right now and marry me for ever. I've just never had a situation where a guy does everything that indicates he likes me, but at the same time seems to be lacking the natural enthusiasm that comes with beginning to date someone you really like.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • 1. He may be on the rebound and feel that he is not ready.

    2. Perhaps there is someone else who causes his attention to be divided.

    3. He may have a bad experience with a girl being clingy/needy as soon as they got "official." (Holy shit, I hate that expression! :) )

    4. Maybe he thinks that you are rushing things and is afraid that, next, you'll be expecting an engagement ring for Valentine's Day.

    5. Maybe you should start by saying, "If we can't talk about our status, can you explain why you don't want to talk about it. I want to give you the benefit of the doubt but some of the potential explanations are a little bit scary to me."

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    • Thank you for your advice. I will try #5

    • I agree. It just funny how we male are never right in what we doing with a female. Females never do anything wrong and their side of the road is perfect. We males do not do just as they think we should do. We are shit. Everything center around women. That what goes on in their mind. I can see why they do not keep relationship very long.

      All of these stupid rules women apply in what a male is to do. It all self-worship. Me, my, I. That is what they think. I go to work every day. My wife goes to work every day. I will not be speaking to her or she will not be speaking to me till we both get home.

    • Just want to make it clear that I'm not thinking he's doing anything wrong and I'm not trying to control him. I was looking for thoughts on what his actions mean. That being said, I don't think it's a big deal to have a talk about where things are going. If it's not the answer I want, then i can choose to move on. I certainly do not want to force him into anything.

Most Helpful Girl

  • haha girls do this too. I try to avoid the relationship talk too. just trust that if he wants you as his girlfriend, he will let it be known in his own time. enjoy the early freedom stage as long as possible!! if you keep that mindset, you will ever have to wonder about it again. you'll have the opposite problem like me! lol

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 15

  • Because, "Where is this going?" is code for, "This needs to go to where I know you're stuck with me even if I stop doing all this stuff that is the only reason you're with me, which isn't even slightly difficult, but I don't wanna because making men happy is misogyny."

    Basically, and I don't know how men were so stupid to figure out what I've known since I was a kid, women want commitment so they can get fat, chop off their hair and start withholding sex for what they consider good behavior.

    Fuck that. You all need to know that he comes back because he WANTS to, not because he HAS to, in order to act right.

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    • I'm sensing some animosity

    • I don't have much. I avoided marriage. The friends and other men I know who learned this the hard, expensive way have more.

    • We men have learned that marriage is a one-way street (WOMEN). The biggest issues of marriage are women who are self-center. Everything in the family is center around her. She is the cause why marriage does not work. She is the cause of conflict in the children in the family. She conduction children for her benefits. Everything is arranged for her benefit. She never involves others in the family. Note: Not all marriage or family is like this, but most families are.

      So all you males who are marry and have a wife who involves everyone in everything in the family. You are bless.

  • Guys don't like to formalize such exclusive futures, many feel they are giving more than getting, being saddled up for a long ride
    Some guys went through all this before with eyes wide Shut, then woke up too late being used/abused = memories and caution thereafter when feelings similar wash over them
    Postponing a talk like this is appeasement = doesn't want to let you go, prefers to see how the YEARS either enhance or sink this love boat
    Your forcing the issue will cause a retreat reaction, at first small then could grow larger

    What to do = become a bit more busy, allow him to consider your freedom to move on, your other options & offers as threats, all the while your words & demonstrations are all about him and your love for him... however distant they seem

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  • Bring it up and express yourself honestly about it. If he honestly cares for you, you will have your answer quick. If he doesn't you will know just as quickly. Trust me, I was that guy once... and sometimes some people need a little push. AND NO INTIMACY UNTIL IT'S CLARIFIED! :)

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  • Because it's not natural for guys to be exclusive. It's not the relationship part he minds, it's the exclusivity. He knows that this talk may rock the boat, and would rather you had the wisdom to stay away from that subject ;) That's my guess anyway - maybe he just forgot about it.

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  • Excited about the prospect of being official? LOL

    What would these new benefits of becoming official be?

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    • Meaning he would be proud to be exclusive with me because that's how much he likes me and doesn't want to lose me to another guy

    • I don't see any benefits being mentioned yet... not for him anyway. ''Doesn't want to lose you to another guy?'' That's not a benefit, that's possibility regardless of whether you are official or not.

  • Sometimes us guys and maybe him in question is scared you might want to move on and he is afraid to talk about anything, if you want to get his attention why don't you just leave a note saying that you two to talk about some things and that have no reason or intentions of breaking up but you just want to talk to him

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  • I think women naturally think about where a relationship is going before guys do and if I'm totally honest 2 months is really soon. Keep it light and breezy for now and don't push him on it as you said your having a great time so just keep doing that for now.

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  • No, he not avoiding you. You are just friends. From what I read. You are a self center person. You women claim men push their self on the female. Well, in your article. You are coming on very strong. Couple. You what to control everything for your benefit's. He not going to bring it up. You two are just friends that are share activities together.

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    • JUST BE FRIENDS. BE SUPPORT OF EACH OTHER. DO NOT BE AN IDOL. BUILT A LEVEL OF TRUST. RESPECT HIS SELF SPACE. RESPECT THE PERSONAL THINGS ABOUT HIM. DO NOT BE GOSSIP ABOUT HIM WITH YOUR FRIENDS. BE SURE YOU ARE NOT USING HIM FOR YOUR OWN SELF NEEDS.

    • This is what Andieo said. " same time seems to be lacking the natural enthusiasm that comes with beginning to date someone you really like".

      It funny how women in general always correcting us males in what we should be for them. Do women every think that you need to work on what you claim the male should do.

  • You're just someone to pass the time with.

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  • Not yet. Why are you pushing it? That is a big red flag.

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    • So she can full fill her needs. One of those needs is sex. The other is to get him support her so she can benefit from it.

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    • Pushing is one of the dangers in a relationship. You have to build a foundation. What is the relationship going to be? What elements are to be in the relationship.

    • @Robin48 you can't decide this stuff, you have to let it be.

  • It's possible he forgot.

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  • Are you the main?

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  • maybe you're not the only one he is dating and he is having a hard struggle in his mind...

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    • Agree. You can go out with many people of boy genders. There are females who just think the guy is just for her and no one else.

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    • The males also sense what you females are up to also. It a two-way street. Both side need to show respect for each other.

    • I have correct my spelling.

      Agree. You can go out with many people of both genders. There are females who just think the guy is just for her and no one else.

      No one own anyone. As a teenager, I went out with both genders for friendship. For the females, it was base on interest. No one tells others who they can be with or who they can not be with. That is the parent job if their child is under 18.

  • But he isn't excited about it, or he woulda brought it up. He doesn't want an official thing with you. Push him into it and the status talk will be the break up talk. Leave well enough alone if ur happy

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  • I've been trying to figure out why guys even consider this 'Relationship' nonsense!! We can't 'win' and we end up being changed by her, our clothes, what we like, our stuff, in OUR house! What's the upside?
    No sex can possibly be worth all that nonsense!! Having your soul ripped out, and replaced with something that she wants; changing your clothes, for things that you FKCING HATE, for sht that she likes; then marriage? Kids? And the best part, once you spend thousands on the ring, and put it on her finger, it shuts down her sex drive, and all you are left with is someone that is constantly nagging and complaining, and the only way out is putting a bullet in your own head, or divorce, and she always gets everything!!
    What would make a guy want to even CONSIDER such a life? No pu$$y is that good, and it won't last, past the ring, anyway.
    I like the open-ended lease option!! No committments, no 'early termination fees', just a good thing, all around!! Why buy, when you can lease, and switch every time you get tired of that lease option?
    What do you offer, that makes a guy want to give up so much of himself?
    Just saying...

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What Girls Said 3

  • Because he is not (yet?) on board with that!

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  • I would definitely bring it up, I'd be somewhat concerned as well!

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    • I completely get where you are coming from, you don't want his hand in marriage, just to know where he stands! I know talking about it even seems a little odd at this phase but I'm thinking that's the only way. Best of luck to you!

    • Thank you!

  • I think he is just passing time with you. Most guys are this way nowadays. They want to meet, hangout, have sex, suck your time and energy, nut they do not want anything serious

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    • Or he could have had a bad experience in the past with relationships so he doesn't like talking about it or he could be afraid of talking about the future because of the commitment and shit

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