Why does he say, "I'll call you" but doesn't? WTH, why even say it?

was quite interested in this guy but my interest is dwindling. He has done some sweet things and was so good about staying in touch, he would text and call all the time, but lately not so much. He lives in another state and there's a 6 hour time difference so definitely a bit of challenge to stay in touch but we've kept in touch through phone calls, text and emails pretty well before.

Lately I've been pretty irritated with him because he says he'll call but doesn't and in conversations that we actually have over the phone, I am fighting for his attention against his time with his video games. Although he carries the conversation here and there and doesn't brush me off by not answering or straight up telling me I'll call you later, I think he might as well because it seems like I'm not important enough for his full attention when we're conversing over the phone. I've been trying not to let his growing neglect irritate me and made a decision that I need to stop putting energy into wondering why he's not as attentive as he was and have decided to try not to be the one that makes calls and that if he really wants to get in touch with me that he will have to pick up the phone and call.

So recently to my surprise, he calls me the other day, I was busy so he leaves a voice message, I text him later in the evening to acknowledge that I got his voice message and as usual add a little humor to my text and also include a question to continue the communication further, its like 4am where he lives so I don't expect an immediate response. He ends up calling me the next day and leaves another voice message because I was busy at work. During a short break at work I listen to his voice message and he mentions in his message that I must be to busy to talk to him but he'll catch me later. I feel bad but I'm busy at work so I send him a text that I'm at work and totally swamped but mention to call me later if he has time. He texts me back and says he'll call me when he gets off of work so I'm thinking to myself wow he's trying, but then he doesn't call. WTH?! Here we go again. Any Suggestions on what I should do? Why is he attentive one week and then cold the other?


Most Helpful Girl

  • My boyfriend use to ALWAYS tell me he would call me and then never call me. I understand yor frustration and confusion. Its going to be hard but you need to not make him the first prority. In you eyes it may seem like th right thing to do as always being there or whatever. But in a guys eyes, it is seen as being to available which makes you seems easy. You can't feel bad for not being able to talk while you are at work. If he can not accept you can not talk while at work then your relationship will never work. If he says he's going to call, DO NOT SIT AROUND AND WAIT! Move on with your ordinary actions, focus on what you have to do . If you focus on what you have to do rather then his phone call you will forget about his call.


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What Guys Said 1

  • What have you done to respond to him when he calls..sounds like you are too busy to pay much attention to himl. Do you think? maybe he picks up on that and that's why he doesn't call?

    Usually communication goes both ways!

    • @martyfellow: I definately have done my part in keeping in touch with him, no lie. I'm a busy girl but always am considerate with everyone in my life, friends, family etc...if someone calls and I'm not available, I return the call or send them a text when I get their voice message or missed call. If I say I'm going to call, I do exactly that or I'll send a text. I feel its the respectful thing to do.

What Girls Said 1

  • Just give him some slack on the issue, obviously you've seen that he DOES try at certain times. Thing is, if he really was just an asshole, he wouldn't be trying at all, and he tried while you were at work. He just doesn't pull through when you are really looking for it, it sounds like you're testing him in a way. He's busy, might have a lot on his mind, including you.

    Try to keep calm about the issue and not let your mind go into overdrive, you might say or do something you regret. Tell him how you are feeling. Tell him it hurts when he says one thing and does another, and make sure he knows its a serious issue for you. After you tell him, then you can judge whether you wanna keep going with him or not, based on how he responds by trying to fix the issue.