What should I do if my relationship was rushed right after I ended a previous relationship?

I left my ex 2.5 months ago and I had a friend who hung out with me along amongst other friends to help me get over the ex. he invited on a trip to a family wedding. I was hesitant because I just got out of a relationship literally a few weeks before this. I made it clear before I went that I didn't want a relationship. And he understood at the time. I just wanted to get out of town away from memories of my ex and it really worked. I was so happy to see new scenery. Anyway before we left he and I got kind of sensual. No sex but neck kissing and touching. I felt visible after being so starved of affection from my ex. We got back from vacation and we continued to spend time together. I was still set on staying away from my ex and avoiding him because he wanted me back but he took my money and was emotionally abusive without even realizing it. I had to stay away from him because to him I was weak and I had to be strong for me. So one thing led to another and me and my friend became official due to his persistence and desire to move so fast. I have been on a no contact with my ex for almost 30 days now. My current relationship is moving so fast and I didn't have any time to heal from my ex. My new boyfriend knows about everything I went through with the ex as he was my friend at the time. My new boyfriend is the opposite of my ex loving caring and very attentive. The only thing is he's already talking of marriage and kids and we've only been official for a month and a half. I feel guilty because I still feel sad at the good memories me and my ex had. I find myself comparing them to each other. They have some similarities in how they both wanted to move so fast and wanting me to move in so soon. Lately me and my current boyfriend are lacking that bliss we had at first and he says he needs me so much and doesn't want be alone. He also said if we don't work out he might as well become a trick...
.. And my ex said the same thing when we were together. I got so emotional today from the urges of my were guy for marriage sex and to rub his body after a long day. I feel emotionally confused and depressed all while beginning to miss my ex and dream about him at least once every week. I care about my current boyfriend but he wants something very serious as he's 10 years older than me. I think I should leave town alone to really think about what I want for ME. Not ANYONE ELSE. i dontwanttohurtanyone.


Most Helpful Girl

  • It's called a rebound relationship. Your said yourself you were starved for attention and obviously emotional intimacy, so you became attached to the guy giving you those things while you were vulnerable because of a break-up, but honeymoon is over and now you're starting to feel the reality of the situation, which is you didn't give yourself enough time to deal with your unresolved feelings for your ex and past relationship, you just avoided dealing with it and instead threw yourself into a new relationship. But those feelings can't be avoided forever and now here they are, coming to the surface but now you have this new relationship which complicates everything. People never take enough adequate time to proactively deal with break-ups and cause a mess by getting involved with other people.

    • I understand and I know now I'm wrong but I did tell him that I needed time but he kept persisting we become serious. It's almost like he didn't care that I wasn't healed because he thought he could heal me of the pain from my break up. He also just cut ties with his on and of again ex of 6 years and he says the best way to get over someone is to get with someone new and that's me. But he's so set on marriage so quickly while he know the goals and dreams I had because I told him I wanted to pursue college in another state before any of this happened when we were just friends. I take responsibility but he had some blame in this as well.

    • The best way to get over someone is to deal with your unresolved feelings and thoughts about a breakup, not jump in a new relationship or expect another person to "heal" you, that's ridiculous. It sounds like he wanted to take advantage of you at this vulnerable time, and he did so by manipulating you with words. I'd end the relationship and give yourself the time alone that you need, and he should have known better himself, not try to avoid dealing with his own unresolved feelings about an ex by using you.

    • I agree thanks.

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What Guys Said 1

  • Yes, so many red flags. You're rebounding from the last relationship and it sounds like the new guy is similar to your ex, which is what usually happens when people rush into a new relationship soon after a bad break-up.

    Plus the large age difference.. it sounds like you are looking for someone to take care of you now, rather than a real partner.

    So I agree, I'd get away from both guys and give yourself time to find yourself without all the pressure of a new relationship. Yu should't have to leave town, gosh, but if that's your only solution to ending things with both guys, then.. pack up!!!

    • I actually am really big on taking care of myself. I just never thought age mattered until now seeing how older guys want marriage and kids right off. My ex was also 10 years older than me and I did more taking care of him and his daughter than he ever took care of me but I do think it's best I get away. Thanks.

    • Yes, you don't want to fall into the same pattern as before! So run...

What Girls Said 1

  • Wow. I almost could have written this question a month ago. I'm literally in the exact same boat. I was questioning whether or not things were right and the spark from the beginning was starting to fade a tiny bit. I left my ex for him though so it's a little different. But I went through a phase of wondering if I'd made the right choice and whether or not to try and make things work with my ex. It was hard because literally everything reminded me of him and sometimes it was good moments. My boyfriend reminded me of him as well in every way since they were friends and kind of similar. Many of my memories involved both of them. I battled through it though and now I am genuinely the happiest I've ever been. I don't believe it's a rebound either, I know the difference because my last relationship started as a rebound.

    Just take some time to think about things and if you need to be alone then be alone. You need to think, do you actually like this guy or do you just like the attention and intimacy? Whatever you do though, don't go running back to your ex! He's your ex for a reason and you'll get past the phase of missing him.


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