How do I build up a friendship with ex/ex-fwb? And could he still be slightly interested still or could he become so again? And how?

This guy I knew for 6 years and I dated for like 6 months and broke up about a year ago. I broke it off because he wasn't ready for a proper relationship as he had gotten out of a 2 year one shortly before we started dating.

After not interacting for about a month we started hanging out platonically again but after about another month of doing that we ended up in this friends with benefits thing which I hated. Though our friends with benefits interactions were mostly us spending lots of time together hanging out and much less time and emphasis on the benefits.

Anyway this lasted till late September when I told him I wanted to try dating again and he said he wasn't looking to date but enjoyed spending time with me as a friend. I found that to be a huge slap in the face and didn't communicate with him for 4 months.

Until the other night when I drunkenly asked him to hang out and he did. We had a really good time I slept over but nothing physical happened between us because I'd stop him every time he tried which was like 10x.

He kept on bringing up how long it had been since we last hung out and how I never reached out to him but I said to him he could have reached out to me if he wanted to see me too. He said fair but didn't address why didn't. So does him even bringing that up mean that he wanted to see me and was too big of an idiot to contact?

Now I just kind of feel like I don't know what to do or expect next if anything. I guess my question is how do I build up a friendship without being too pushy and is there a chance he is still slightly interested or that he could become so again? And how to go about that as well?


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What Guys Said 1

  • Hi there. He hasn't contacted you because that would imply caving in to your wish to have a dating relationship. That would mean he missed you so much that had to give in.
    You both wanna see each other. But he wants to be friends with benefits and you want a more serious thing.
    As for why he doesn't want to date it can be one of two things.
    Either his last relationship ended bad, like he got cheated and now he doesn't believe in serious things anymore, at least for now.
    Or he sees you as fun being around and sleeping with, but not serious date material. It could be that you're too liberal for his marriage tastes for example.
    To know which of the two is it you'd have to give more detail.

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    • Oh that makes so much sense and is so obvious I don't know why I didn't think that before! Thank you!
      I guess does there seem like there's a possibility for him wanting a more serious thing?
      He wasn't cheated on in his last relationship but I know his ex had a lot of mental health difficulties and he had been very hurt by the relationship ending. He could also not see me as serious dating material but I'm not sure why as we really have a lot in common in terms of values, beliefs, goals and interests.

    • As for not being marriage material. It happens a lot with carreer oriented women and such.
      I mean it would be fun since she understands, is witty and spicy and will be brutally honest about the things that he tells her, meaning she would give very good love advice. Usually good In bed as it gets playful. But the same things that make a relatuinship as that one great would be what makes a marriage difficult. There would be a lot of fights foe control for instance.
      What men look for in women changes depending on the kind of relationship.

What Girls Said 1

  • You should not do that at all because those things lead to negative results.

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