My Friend and I like the same guy. What should I do?

There's this guy that me and my friend like. Problem is she doesn't know I like him. I've known him longer than she has and they met through me. I don't feel comfortable announcing my crushes to anyone I know because the people I hang out with aren't the best at keeping secrets. But my friend announced last year she really liked this guy, of course I was crushed but I didn't say anything. My friend is known for getting really jealous of people who have the same crushes as her. My group of friends, know about my friend liking this guy and are making it their goal to hook them up. This guy and I talk all the time as we're good friends and he just said he'd like to hang out more (just me and him) cause he likes me and wants to see where this can go. I've always liked taking things slow in relationships, and the fact he does to is amazing. In the moment I told him I'd love for us to go on little "dates" but later I realized what I had just done. Should I cancel on him and tell him I don't like him, tell him it won't work out, tell him my friend likes him so it can't work? Should I tell any of my friends?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • No, but you should realize what you want. I understand that if you broadcast that you like him, then everyone would think that you are trying to steal him away from her, but you should realize that if you know you will be happy with him, then do it. You should talk to your friend and tell them straight on that you have been in love with this person for a long time before her and that you don't want to hurt her feelings, but you also don't want to lie to yourself. Yes, it may hurt, but you have been with this guy longest, thus you will hurt a lot more than she would. And also, a good friend will be willing to understand than become jealous and take it out on their own friend. Yes it isn't fair, but so is love as whoever gets hurt is left with a scar that takes awhile to heal, depending on your connection with that person. I know you probably don't want to hear this, but listen to me, talk to your friend about your crush and/or talk to the guy you both like and ask him how he feels about the both of you and tell him the situation so it doesn't blow up on him as well.
    One way to settle it is to allow him to choose. Let him go on a date with you and a date with her and let him choose. He may not give an answer, but tell him that this is bothering you and that you don't want to fight your friend and lose him as well. Of course doing this will stress him out, but save you the trouble.
    Another is to tell your friends how you feel. You can even bring authority into this if you don't feel comfortable and that you might be verbally attacked. Depending on your age, your friends may feel strongly about this, but you need to allow yourself to know what you want. At the end of the day, its your the decisions that make you. You can allow your friend to be with him, but secretly hide your feelings and may not get over them together, or you can tell her how you feel straight out. If you tell her, don't hold back or sweet talk it to her, tell her the truth and everything you feel about this situation and your friend. That way nothing will be used against you and that you will feel better that you are open. Tell her why you hid it for so long and that you don't want to fight, but you also don't want to get hurt as well.
    It would be best to talk to someone older and more experience for advice as I don't know your friendships, but talk to a parent or counselor and ask them what to do. Just getting this off your chest will allow you to think clearer. Hope this helps

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    • Also, make sure that you are happy with whatever outcome, if you feel that you can live with it with no regrets, then do it, but don't do it to satisfy another. I know what it is like to have a friend like the same boy (a bunch of my friends did, he was cute and popular), but we were civil and took our turns on talking to him and some even went on a date with him (we were in middle school then). Some would even ask the other to have a chance with him as to not get the other angry, in which we complied at times. Of course, you need to realize that your friend is a person, and that not an object thus you should tell him what is going on as so he isn't thrown in blindly and it won't be fair to him. Gawd, ok, less serious. Do what you think is right for you and try to be civil, being jealous or anything that could hurt anyone won't do anyone good. I hope this helps, these are just ideas, not something to base it off of. Wish I could be more of help

    • Thank you so much for all of this! When I thought of the situation I realized it sounds like middle school drama when in reality we're a year away from graduating high school. I'm thinking of talking to him first about the situation to see where he's at about this because he's such a nice guy and I know he won't want to hurt me or my friend. Then I'll try to talk to my friend about it. I know she'll be really mad at me but hopefully in the future she'll want to sort through this.

    • Oooh!. Ok good. I helped someone! But yeah, you should talk to him and let him know, and you should tlak to your friend. Yes she will be mad, but she should also understand that friendship is more than dates. And also, you both should deal it out as grown teenagers, and not have a brawl over it. She should act calm about it and talk it out and not be angry, he isn't property he is a person too, and she should know that saying you like someone doesn't mean you call dibs, again he isn't an object. I hope it works out well, and I hope that your friend will not get catty (as some women do), but if you stay calm and explain things then you, my friend, are the real winner :)

What Guys Said 1

  • Cage fight. Last woman standing has the right to pursue said man

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    • 👍 Now to find a cage

What Girls Said 1

  • If you like him and he likes you then your friend doesn't factor into it. You shouldn't sacrifice your relationship because she has a crush on the same guy. Tough, he likes you and she can deal with it.

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    • Thank you for the advice!! 😊😊 I'm thinking of talking to him about it first then tell my friend, she'll be mad but I hope we can sort through it all.

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