Ever since my ex, I haven't found any guys that want to seriously date me. I have gone out on many dates, and I have been seeing a couple guys here and there, but nothing has ever come out of it. I feel like I'm going to be single forever.
The first guy seemed so into me. We were going on all sorts of dates and hanging out regularly for a couple months. Then he slowly started to fade away… He eventually came back, but it seemed like it was just hooking up at that point. I had a feeling he was dating around..
The next guy, also seemed so into me as well. He was giving me somany complements and was planning all of this stuff for us to do, and places for him to show me (I am a student abroad). I have never felt so much chemistry with someone so instantaneously. But now, he has cooled way off, and us "hanging out" just consists of us hooking up…
Most recently I thought I found a "nice guy" but after having sex for the first time he never called me again...
I feel like I have so much to offer in a relationship… I think I'm a pretty nice/cool person (for the most part), so why can't I find someone similar? I've been trying to play it cool with both of these guys, trying not to be clingy… so what gives? Am I not pretty enough or something? Am I putting out too soon (after 3 or 4 dates?)?
I have been living abroad, traveling all throughout Europe, but the guys here are just as bad as back home.
Most Helpful Guy
if you're studying abroad you can't actually have a serious relationship. (serious : a long term relationship with commitment and the possibility of marriage) unless you're living there... but you're only having a long visit.
the real good guys know soon as they hear you're study abroad that you're not serious relationship material simply bc you won't event be around long term.
now you said something interesting they're "just as bad" as guys back home. this means guys period who you're meeting are treating you this way. that means you are hanging with the wrong circles and entertaining the wrong guys.
also guys either from looking at you, getting to know you, or hearing from others, think you're just good for a hook up... that's horrible and it sucks esp since you want more than that. but to attract that type of guy, you'll need to change whatever about yourself sends the wrong message to guys.
there are simple choices you can make to accomplish this. once you do you will actually draw better guys and repel the worse ones. :) 👍2
Most Helpful Girl
So, first thing I'd say is don't worry, you are really young and you have plenty of time to find the right person for you. So take some pressure off your shoulders, you are ok, and it will happen when it's meant to happen.
That being said, if you truly want a relationship, you need to stop having casual sex. All together. The guys you're currently seeing / sexing will understand if you explain to them that your needs have changed and right now, you're just not looking for casual hookups anymore. Be peaceful and matter of fact about it. Keep the boundary firm. They'll understand.
If you haven't already become exclusive with the guys you're seeing, that's not likely to change, so you are best served letting go of any dreams of being with them romantically long term. If one of those guys comes back and surprises you that's awesome, but you won't do yourself any favors holding out hope, so emotionally let go.
Next, with any new guys you start dating, don't put out so soon. Just give it some time to get to know each other, and wait until you are dating exclusively to have sex. 3-4 dates in is a bit early to have sex. And there's no shame in your game if casual is all you're wanting at the moment, there's nothing wrong with that. But you are saying you're wanting something deeper, so you need to allow that deeper emotional connection to begin to build a bit before you have sex. And you need to see signs that the emotional connection is building for HIM, not just for you, before you say yes to sex. Until then, make out a little, a little foreplay, is all great. But don't take your clothes off until you're actually connecting mentally and emotionally... whatever the time table is, make sure the connection is a quality connection. That way when you sleep with the next guy, you'll know he's into you for who you are, and not just after your body.0