Guys only want me for sex? They never want to date me?

Ever since my ex, I haven't found any guys that want to seriously date me. I have gone out on many dates, and I have been seeing a couple guys here and there, but nothing has ever come out of it. I feel like I'm going to be single forever.

The first guy seemed so into me. We were going on all sorts of dates and hanging out regularly for a couple months. Then he slowly started to fade away… He eventually came back, but it seemed like it was just hooking up at that point. I had a feeling he was dating around..

The next guy, also seemed so into me as well. He was giving me somany complements and was planning all of this stuff for us to do, and places for him to show me (I am a student abroad). I have never felt so much chemistry with someone so instantaneously. But now, he has cooled way off, and us "hanging out" just consists of us hooking up…

Most recently I thought I found a "nice guy" but after having sex for the first time he never called me again...

I feel like I have so much to offer in a relationship… I think I'm a pretty nice/cool person (for the most part), so why can't I find someone similar? I've been trying to play it cool with both of these guys, trying not to be clingy… so what gives? Am I not pretty enough or something? Am I putting out too soon (after 3 or 4 dates?)?

I have been living abroad, traveling all throughout Europe, but the guys here are just as bad as back home.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • if you're studying abroad you can't actually have a serious relationship. (serious : a long term relationship with commitment and the possibility of marriage) unless you're living there... but you're only having a long visit.
    the real good guys know soon as they hear you're study abroad that you're not serious relationship material simply bc you won't event be around long term.

    now you said something interesting they're "just as bad" as guys back home. this means guys period who you're meeting are treating you this way. that means you are hanging with the wrong circles and entertaining the wrong guys.

    also guys either from looking at you, getting to know you, or hearing from others, think you're just good for a hook up... that's horrible and it sucks esp since you want more than that. but to attract that type of guy, you'll need to change whatever about yourself sends the wrong message to guys.

    there are simple choices you can make to accomplish this. once you do you will actually draw better guys and repel the worse ones. :) 👍

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Most Helpful Girl

  • So, first thing I'd say is don't worry, you are really young and you have plenty of time to find the right person for you. So take some pressure off your shoulders, you are ok, and it will happen when it's meant to happen.

    That being said, if you truly want a relationship, you need to stop having casual sex. All together. The guys you're currently seeing / sexing will understand if you explain to them that your needs have changed and right now, you're just not looking for casual hookups anymore. Be peaceful and matter of fact about it. Keep the boundary firm. They'll understand.

    If you haven't already become exclusive with the guys you're seeing, that's not likely to change, so you are best served letting go of any dreams of being with them romantically long term. If one of those guys comes back and surprises you that's awesome, but you won't do yourself any favors holding out hope, so emotionally let go.

    Next, with any new guys you start dating, don't put out so soon. Just give it some time to get to know each other, and wait until you are dating exclusively to have sex. 3-4 dates in is a bit early to have sex. And there's no shame in your game if casual is all you're wanting at the moment, there's nothing wrong with that. But you are saying you're wanting something deeper, so you need to allow that deeper emotional connection to begin to build a bit before you have sex. And you need to see signs that the emotional connection is building for HIM, not just for you, before you say yes to sex. Until then, make out a little, a little foreplay, is all great. But don't take your clothes off until you're actually connecting mentally and emotionally... whatever the time table is, make sure the connection is a quality connection. That way when you sleep with the next guy, you'll know he's into you for who you are, and not just after your body.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 7

  • "I feel like I have so much to offer in a relationship" how are the guys gonna know if the first thing you offer is sex? LMAO

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  • You feel like you have so much to offer in a relationship? Then why didn't you mention what those things were?

    Being a pretty nice / cool person does not really count considering the vast choice a guy has nowadays. This is a basic expectation of people in general.

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  • Well, if you're abroad, maybe these guys know you're just going to go home someday and they can't follow. So what's the use in getting attached to someone who's just going to leave?

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    • Urr... I should add to that I don't feel that way, I'm just saying it's a possible answer to what's happening...

    • Abroad is my new home. I moved to Germany permantly. My point was that I'm doing something different with my life - I finally got out of my home town.

  • I think you should chat with @swoldishwasher. he might be still looking for a girl who likes sex and can commit.

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  • that's how things go

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  • I would need to see you to know if you're pretty.

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  • "I feel like I have so much to offer in a relationship" - welcome to a guy's world. Except, girls don't just not want to date us, they don't want to have sex with us either.

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What Girls Said 9

  • I think you are jumping into the fire way too fast, some guys might actually be interested in you for a long term, but it all depends on you, how much you give them, you maybe where just an easy target for them, if you are dating somebody to get to know them you can't just jump in bed with them and expect them to be your husband the next day? You know what i mean?

    Get to know people, show them that you have selfrespect, and that you just want a stable relationship and nothing casual.

    Remind them of this.

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  • Maybe it's cuz you put out too easy. I'm not slut shaming. You do your thing girl! But hookups really aren't the best option if you're looking for something genuine. Wait for a guy to commit before you give him the biscuit and even after he commits still don't give it up right away. Guys have no respect for things that are easy.

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  • Are you sleeping with these guys before defining the relationship and agreeing on the level of commitment you're after?

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  • Even if you really want sex with them, wait. As hard as that can be when you're really attracted to someone, wait until you're actually in a relationship with them. if they really like you and respect you, they'll wait to have sex with you. I honestly think that's the problem why these guys are dissapearing from you. A lot of guys our age will take all they can get. Some actually do want something real and don't want just sex though. Take it from someone who has had the same past experiences and trust me on this one!

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  • Well don't give them the sex immediately and wait to see who's willing to stick around.

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    • I hate this though. I love sex just as much as guys. So why do I have to make them wait months when I want to do it too? With my first love we had sex our first date and we ended up dating for 3 years.

    • Most girls love sex as much as guys, but it doesn't have you make you easy. If guys think you're easy, of course they're going to just take what they can get.
      It's the whole "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free" thing.
      If you want them to think you're worth it, show them why. If you want respect, ask for it.

  • I don't know. There must be something about you which doesn't make you girlfriend material.

    Maybe the fact that you're travelling and living abroad.

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  • I think all young guys just want to do is have sex. I think it depends on the age group you may need to try someone older who is done just hooking and looking to settle down

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  • Dont spread your legs until your sure he wants only you, and don't settle for less. You are worth more than carnal lust. If he can't go 3 months before the first "put out" you'll probably just get a disease from him anyhow... your not just sleeping with him but all of his previous partners and all pf their partners too, in a world where 1 in 3 has herpes, hiv, hpb, pid, crabs, warts, scabes, hepatitis, chlamydia and other horrors have their own stats... why risk it? Be true to you, not men... protect yourself and only "love"those who are deserving... and clean

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  • Don't have sex with them immediately. Get to know them, judge them by their actions because once a guy gets the pussy they run. Make it clear that you want a relationship if they do not want that move on. Wait for no man

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