In need of some guidance, please?

So I've been seeing this girl for just over 2 years, and it seems like everytime I want to do something that doesn't include her (shoot pool, maybe drink some beer at a buddies house, see a friend I haven't seen in a while, etc.) It's just like pulling teeth, almost like I'm not "allowed". She then immediately inserts herself saying she's going to be at my house at approximately the time I'm going to do those things, almost as if to drop everything for her. Would I do anything for her? Yes. But I'm not willing to put aside all my relationships with the people who are close to me either... another part of this is that we see each other damn near everyday, and sometimes I can't understand why I'm not "allowed" to do the things I want. And people I'm extremely good to this girl, which is all the reason I can't understand this behavior. Will someone help me?


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What Girls Said 1

  • She sounds codependent and/or jealous and controlling. You need to enforce personal boundaries and stick to them. If you make a plan with other people and she's like "oh but I'm coming to your house at that time" you need to say "sorry I won't be there, I already have plans. let's figure out another time to hang out". And you may also need to have a conversation to go with this about telling her that you can't spend all your time with her. That you want to spend time just with friends or family or even alone if you wanted to. It's completely normal and in fact very healthy to spend time away from your partner.

    • Believe it or not I've actually tried sitting down with her and explaining those things. It'll be good for about a month and then she falls back into the same routine... this has been happening for about 6 months now and I dunno how to break the cycle aside from talking to her and just waiting for it to go back to jealousy or controlling.

    • Then it's time to start calling her out on that crap. "Showing up when you know I have plans with other people is really manipulative and I don't appreciate being treated like this. It's not right and you need to stop." Repeat EVERY time or when she starts doing it frequently again. You need to define your boundaries and make it clear that you are definitely going to defend them. If you don't then people will walk right past them. And worst case scenario if she refuses to learn this basic respect; you leave because it's not ok for someone to keep treating you like that.

    • Thanks, I will try going to battle I suppose. Hopefully this might work

What Guys Said 1

  • You need to sit down with her. Before sharing your point of view, ask her why will she not allow you to go out with your friends is it trust or dependency issues?

    Explain that you love her and love having her in your life.
    Explain that you value the relationship and would never do anything to hurt her.
    And explain that it hurts you that she won't allow you to see your friends for a guys night, as you would trust her for a girls night out.


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