Should I let him pay on our first date?

I've been talking with this hottie for a couple of weeks now and we get along really well. We talked yesterday about good restaurants in our area and I just casually asked him if he wants to join me for dinner and he said yes. It will be our first real date together and I'm a bit nervous.

I have everything planned out but I have one question though. When the bill arrives should I insist on paying my half? Or should I let him pay everything (given of course that he offers but I'm pretty sure he will)?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • You called him a hottie in your questions plus it was you that brought up the idea of going to a restaurant together so no doubt you'd like the date to increase your friendship with him. I say you should tell the waitress/waiter upfront at the table that you want to be given the bill. That'll take care of any awkwardness at the end. Now, if he should say "no no I'll take care of it or noo let me pay for my own then just let it be, but say "well thank you" right then if he says he wants to pay for both of you. Whoever pays the bill leaves a little obligation on the other person... like he/she owes the other one something. So by him paying for both, that little obligation is just fine with you because you probably just love going out to diner with him again and taking your turn at paying or even him paying again. If by chance he had said something like "no I'll get my own" then just let it be and smile like "ok that's fine." With your paying for both that's fine too because he'll thank you and be ready to pay next time should your relationship with him keep working out. Just don't worry about this, keep it light and move smoothly through the money part and make sure to smile a lot. Good luck and have fun!.

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    • Thank you :) I've asked this question a while ago, we're already dating. He insisted on paying for the date, he wanted to be a gentleman and he paid for all of our subsequent dates as well. :)

    • The reason I answered your question is because it was just sent to my mail on gag from gag like I should join the conversation because you were looking for opinions. Happy to hear it's turning out for you and that he paid for that date and all subsequent ones lol. You asked an excellent question, clearly wrote it out and look like the kind of girl that has it all together. by the way, just curious... how long ago did you ask this?

Most Helpful Girl

  • Given the common female logic of "who ever invites pays" you should at the very least offer to pay your half, given that you invited him out.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 40

  • Insist on paying. Let him offer to pay but you should pay for the whole meal. You asked him out. I would do as wiki_kamat suggested and tell him to ask you out on another date if he really wants to pay. The person who asks someone out should pay for the meal. You should only be splitting the bill on a first date if it went poorly in most cases. Allowing him the chance to offer to pay is important. The offer from the person who was asked shows respect for the person who asked. Paying despite that offer is what shows respect from the asker to the person asked

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  • lol in the words of girls since they are so funny on this subject "whoever initiated the date should pay for the bill"

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  • reach for the bill and see what happens.

    don't wait for him to do anything, that is when shit gets awkward.

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  • You should pay, since you asked. If you have about the same income, and you can afford it, pay the whole check. If it goes well he will pay the next time. OTOH if he's making a lot more than you and wants to pay, you can let him.

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  • Yes girl.. as you have invited him for the dinner.. ideally as a gesture, you must offer to pay. but if he insists a lot.. then let him pay..
    moreover, you may opt to pay for the desserts lime ice creams etc. later on after dinner is over !😉

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  • Well, you asked him out on a date, shouldn't you be the one picking up the bill?

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  • Offer to pay your half (or your own meal), if he insists on paying though then let him. But make the offer.

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    • And be prepared to pay should he not make the offer. I personally think first dates especially should be split or each pay their own. People really have different views on this though, I'm constantly amazed by it.

  • the one who asked should pay you can't expect him to pay it all when he was the invited. if he asked you out it would be totally different. 90% sure this is how it will go down you should say you'll pay then he most likely say I got it then tell him we'll split it. at the very least pay your half unless he pushes to pay everything then you could accept

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  • You gotta do the reach. Then see what happens. If he's like no let me take care of that. Let him pay.

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  • Each person pays their own way.

    If you agree to go on a date then you are agreeing it's worth both your time and your money. It doesn't matter who asks.

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  • I've heard it said many a times here and elsewhere that the person doing the inviting is responsible for the bill. Seeing how you asked him out, you own it. My rule is this: If I ask you out on a date I pay but if there's a 2nd it's your turn. I'm looking for an equal partner (or as equal as can be) not a dependent; we'll make a few of those if things work out! ;)

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  • If women will continue on this "whomever invites, pays" thing alive then it's your duty to pay.

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  • You asked him out, so I think that since you did it it'd be polite to offer to pay your half.

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  • The first couple of dates he should pay. You can offer to go Dutch but I'd be surprised if he takes you up on it.

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  • Please offer to pay, it's a nice guesture. If he insist, let him pay. If he accept pay it like a strong independent woman.

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  • Let hm pay for it all. If he finds that to be a problem, then find someone else.

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  • Whichever way it goes some common sense is nice. Like, Don't expect anyone to pay for you, so be prepared to pay for it yourself so you know he won't say "Cant afford, how about you?"

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  • You should pay it all. You asked him.

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  • offer at the start of the meal and don't insist and let him if he wishes. the world is swings and roundabouts you will have the opportunity to balance the ledger

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  • you invited you pay. Dating Rules - chapter 2

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  • Iv done my fair share of paying for dinners dates I personally like to but I think it's really
    Cool when the other wants to pay.

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  • You ask, you pay. Or you split. Having a vagina entitles no one to free meals.

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  • You can pay for it and simply say "If you want to spend on a date with me, take me out again" Finish that sentence with a wink. His smile will be priceless and he will be bragging about you with his friends about how amazing you are

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  • let him pay everything, if he can't he is no man

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    • I agree that to be a man you gotta pay for everything! I also agree that to be a woman, she never had to pay for anything!

  • You should offer and then let him take care of it when he will insist.

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  • Yes.

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  • Milk the man for his money just b/c he has a penis between his legs! yes! yes!! MUHAHAHAHAH!

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  • Yes, he should pay.

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  • Not if you're a feminist

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  • Offer to pay, if he is a gentleman he will pay.

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What Girls Said 36

  • There's two important aspects of this question:
    Should the guy be expected to pay on the first date?
    You asked him on the date.

    Typically my rule is if I'm the one who asks him on the date I usually pay for it and vice versa. Since you were the one who asked him, I would reach for the bill when it comes to the table. However, if he is all about chivalry and insists on paying, just let him pay.

    My boyfriend loves the fact that I organize dates and pay for them. However, at the same time, he is old fashioned in some ways and will always want to pay for more romantic or expensive dates. Like, he will be chill with me paying $15 at Taco Bell but not $50 at an Italian restaurant. Sometimes, feminism aside, if it makes them happy to pay we should just let them pay. Sometimes people are hard working and it makes them proud that they can pay for dates with a lovely lady.

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    • I reached for the bill but he wouldn't let me pay. He really insisted on paying, he didn't care the I asked him out, he said it's his responsibility to pay. We had a second date and he paid for everything there as well. I think he really enjoys paying for me.

    • Sounds like a cool guy. Like I said, if he's happy paying just let him. I'm happy to hear that it's going well:)

    • yes so am I. I love old fashioned gentlemen so much :)

  • if you ask, you pay. Now he should offer and pay bc its prper ettiquite for a man to pay on dates but really bc you asked, you should pay. But a man who is trully a gentleman would pay anyways

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    • Yes!!! I reached for the bill but he wouldn't let me pay. He really insisted on paying, he didn't care that I asked him out, he said it's his responsibility to pay. We had a second date and he paid for everything there as well. I think he really enjoys paying for me. You're right, a true gentleman would always pay!

  • Listen, don't ask us. Ask HIM before the date. If it's really that expensive, you really should just pay your half. That is what I suggest. You have too many people who want's to enforce their views on you. And you should date how you desire to date. However, if you asked him out, then you really need to just offer to pay in general as it wouldn't be fair to just let him do it [unless he offer's himself willingly] just because he's a guy. Again, go over this with him. No shame in doing so.

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  • Well, I've heard loads of guys complaning that girls dont even bother taking their purse out to pay or even have thougts about it. He will probably gonna pay anyway, but you should at least make the effort to take that thing out and pay. I wonder how guys would feel if girls were the ones paying on dates. I bet it'd be a dream come true.
    Why not be the first and pay for the date? Who knows what kind of surprise might be waiting for you next?
    Sorry, im blabbering.

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  • You asked him, so why dont you pay?

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  • I always pay my half, I don't want guys thinking I'm using them for a free meal, they get real bitchy about it afterwards when things don't work out.

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  • If you asked and planned everything, maybe you should pay.

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  • Honestly just play it by ear, its great that you already know to have your half already prepared. But if he wants to pay then sure let him, next time you will!

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  • Pay for both of you. You asked him to join you for dinner.

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  • AHHH no 50/50. Do NOT pay his share, and pay your own. Honestly, If you pay it all he will treat you like his sugar mama. I made this mistake STUPIDLY 4 times and ended up being cleaned out financially and left writhing broke and in pain. DO NOT make my mistake.

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    • she asked her out though?

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    • @jessica5d 4 different males at different times in my life came in when I was working a steady job and cleaned me out. I payed both of our shares ALL THE TIME. Literally he never ever paid, none of them did. When you do that they think of you as a sugar mama. They think that your there to pay their way... not cool in my opinion. Its fair to say 50/50 that way no one feels like their being taken advantage of.

    • alright from now on then if a guy asks you out you pay your half instead of letting him pay for yours too

  • If you asked him out you should pay for the whole thing.

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  • If you asked him to join you I would consider paying. There's nothing wrong with shaking things up a bit and it may be a complete turn on for him that you took charge and took the initiative to not be like the "typical woman".

    I honestly think you should pay for you and him since you did asked him.

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  • Offer to pay your half. But if he still offers to pay for it suggest that you'll pay for dinner next time (also a good way to indicate you intend to go out again)

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  • Mms well I suppose you could after all you did ask him to dinner to first. But if he's a gentleman and offers to then it's fine.

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    • I reached for the bill but he wouldn't let me pay. He really insisted on paying, he didn't care that I asked him out, he said it's his responsibility to pay. We had a second date and he paid for everything there as well. I think he really enjoys paying for me.

  • since you asked him out . you say it's on me . next time it's on you with a smile .
    if there is no next time, then you know .

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  • If he offer to pay let him pay. if I were you I would send a text before the date to know who pay, I think it avoid awkward when you're in front of the bills.

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    • nope she should pay. she invited him on the date its on her

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    • Then let him do it. If he enjoy it there's no problem.

    • Good :) Men should pay anyways. :)

  • offer to pay your half first and if he offers to pay the whole thing just let him. A lot of guys get some kind of ego boost from paying for the girl so if he wants to just let him.

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  • Whoever asks should pay TBH

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  • It's 2017, if a guy actually is willing to pay for the date then let him. Allow him to be a gentleman and show class. the only way i'd say pay for your own is if you dont really like him and dont want him to get the wrong idea

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  • I think that offering to pay you side of the bill is fair, if he says no, say " are you sure?" and if he says "Im sure", then you asked and you were considerate. lol

    Guys now a days have issues with that.

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    • When a guy asks a girl out girls say he should pay because he did the asking. Now that the girl asks the guy out that rule doesn't apply anymore? Shouldn't she pay since she asked him out?

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    • @hahanoway oh, i do. thats why i let it happen. He didn't believe me the first time i asked him out that i would pay for it. lol his face was priceless

    • probably because most women never pay, let alone on a first date lol

  • If you asked then you shouldn't expect him to pay.

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  • should pay half or pay the whole thing. You were the one who asked him out anyway

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  • What I usually do is try to pay my half and if he insists to pay, then I'll let him. I usually ask "are you sure" and he will most likely say "Of course!"

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  • Well if he offers let him pay for you! He'll be just trying to be nice

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    • nope its on her she initiated the date. girls need to start taking initiative. us you girls always say the guy should pay for the date if her asked the girl out. well in this case its reversed.

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    • nah she should insist. no point in guys always being the one to pay. plus her paying on the first date will look good to him and make him want to pay on more date since he knows she's willing to pay

    • I reached for the bill but he wouldn't let me pay. He really insisted on paying, he didn't care that I asked him out, he said it's his responsibility to pay. We had a second date and he paid for everything there as well. I think he really enjoys paying for me.

  • You invited him, so yeah you should. Offer to pay, but if he insists on paying just let it go

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  • If you feel weird offer to pay half if he says no don't insist

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  • Pay half, come on. Don't be a parasite

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  • Always always offer to pay.

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    • Do you think she should pay because she invited him out? Or should he still pay?

    • I think it really doesn't matter. Money should be the least of her concerns when going out on a date. I often payed for my boyfriends, as they did for me.

    • paid* oh god.

  • Let him pay the first offer for the 2nd

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    • I reached for the bill but he wouldn't let me pay. He really insisted on paying, he didn't care that I asked him out, he said it's his responsibility to pay. We had a second date and he paid for everything there as well. I think he really enjoys paying for me.

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    • you think I should let him always pay on every date?

    • Not on every date.. but if this is something that he wants to do you should let him is all im saying.

  • you should offer to pay your half out of courtesy but for a first date he should definitely pay, i mean dont insist.

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