My boyfriend secretly messages other girls?

I've been with my boyfriend for many years and this is the third time it's happened so I feel like now is the time to ask for help, am I being weird for worrying? The first situation started a few years ago with a female friend he had from Uni. He would spend more time with her than me, and it usually involved day drinking sessions followed by nasty comments to me. I have to admit, I lost a bit of trust with this one. The second one was with a girl who he claimed was a friend of a friend, only that friend told me the story didn't add up. Apparently he had been messaging her for 7 years - longer than our relationship at the time. But never forgetting to delete every single one... Except the one where he is overly interested in her child. Baring in mind he never wants children. Again, I lost more trust. The third time is just starting to unfold, he is messaging a girl he works with. But very regularly, about his day to day whereabouts (in more detail, and in a nicer tone than to me). He also feels the need to delete them all, in case I may see. I'm not sure if I'm over reacting. I do love him, and we have had great times together. But I can't stand the secrecy and lies! I have no problem with him having friends that are girls, but I've said so many times, I just want honesty and to be open with each other. Please help!


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Dump him. You should have dumped him after that first incident. You have wasted years of your love life on him.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Are they overly emotional/sexual/inappropriate in nature? Or is it that you feel uncomfortable with him having female friends so he is hiding them?
    It's absolutely an issue if you're ok with him having friends but he feels the need to hide and delete anything pertaining to them, and suggests there is something more if he can't be upfront and honest it's a problem. Personally that would be a deal breaker for me, as the secrets and insecurity would eat away at my trust in my partner

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • Ok, you really didn't say, but are the messages bad, like sexual or anything?

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    • No not that I have seen, but they get deleted fast!

    • I would not tolerate this. Ultimatum time, either comes clean and stops hiding them, or its time to think about seeing someone else.

  • Trust and communication is the basis of any relationship. I suggest you confront him, not aggressively, just casually mention it. If you trust him enough, then you wouldn't be having all this suspicion. Just trust your own judgement.

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What Girls Said 1

  • Zero tolerance for that shit.
    I'd be out of there. Trust and open communication are so important. I don't let shady shit slide.

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