What is wrong with me? Why can't I keep the guys I am interested in?

I can't keep any guy that I am interested in. The few guys I have been interested in end up ghosting me via text message. Maybe it's because I am a boring texter although I don't think I am. I always try to ask questions but not too many. I try not to send long texts either. I always have fun when I am out with the guy in person, but eventually texting starts hot and heavy and then dissipates. I know I am a fun, smart, sweet and caring person with a lot of depth. I have a good sense of humor as well. This just pertains to the few guys that I am interested in. I am not perfect by any means but I always try to put self-growth and improvement first. I am just sick of trying so hard.

Updates:
I have dated and had relationships in the past, but it was all relatively short term. One ex moved away and the other two had loyalty issues. There have been other guys interested in me, but I was not interested in them.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Guys who can get girls easily don't have a lot of incentive to commit to one girl. It's like, when you can date a lot of different girls, with different looks. clothing styles, interests, lifestyles etc, why stick to one?

    It's almost a paradox in dating. Guys who are willing to commit do so because they usually don't have other options. The guys who girls WANT to commit don't, for the very same reason girls want them to - they are attractive, they have options. They didn't become attractive for nothing. They did it so they could get all the pussy they want.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Have you focused on their needs?

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    • I am trying to. I ask them questions about their day, things they are interested in, and so on. It's just hard when you get short responses.

    • Hmm. I wouldn't base it on texting but rather try to make the most of your in person times together.

    • Thank you. I appreciate the advice.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 14

  • Without knowing you it's impossible to give a short, clear reply. I've found that researching and reflecting on my own attachment style has been helpful. It allowed me to understand why I feel and act the way that I do in certain situations, and to change where change was needed.
    I think that communication, building trust and intimacy is crucial to making any relationship work, and that we need to address issues within ourselves through honest introspection before we can fully allow ourselves go connect with others on a deeply personal level.
    I'm not saying this is the case with you, just saying that it has helped me :)

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  • I told you on your other question its cuz you go to UW Parkside! Shoukd come up here to UW Stevens point Lmao jk.
    Honestly think you just are in a bad streak. We all get them. Plus you have to realize these guys are going after other girls as well. How do you text? What do you say to them? Do you try and get to know them? Be engaged in their lives?

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    • I do try to get to know them! It's this one guy in particular that I'm interested in. He's just different from a lot of men but he also made it clear that he likes a challenge in the past. So I might not be at the too if his list despite what he's said in other texts which clearly states that he's interested. But I don't know what to think. I'm kind of over games at this point. It's making me lose interest.

    • Ok just naking sure! I mean I like a challenge as well but not texting and getting to know each other! He could be interested but talking to other girls at the same time. He should be leading the convos as well he shouldn't leave it up to just you!
      Oh hun I hear ya! I hate games as well! Honestly to me it can take a 10 on the attractive level to a 1. We are just humans we should talk like it. I don't think you want a guy that plays games and have to think about sendING this or that or double texting. You'll meet a guy who doesn't care and that's what you deserve. So don't be afraid to move on first! I'm sure you'll meet more guys! You are young too! So you have plenty of time.

  • First of all there is no 'loyalty issue'. Either a guy wants to keep you around or he doesn't. If he doesn't that doesn't mean it's a loyalty issue.

    Second, quit with all the texting bullshit. You cannot get any emotion or read any body language in a text, so you miss half of what is being communicated.

    Texting should be when and where you'll meet up next IRL. AFTER you develop some kind of relationship then you might send a few texts back and forth about your day or your plans. Trying to establish a relationship via text is an absolute disaster.

    Next, what is it exactly do you bring to a relationship that is of high value? Why are you better than any other woman? Do you have some kind of special talent? Do you make lots of money? Are you a successful person?

    And finally, what is the purpose of your dating? Are you looking for a mate? Just a friend? A lover? It makes a difference on how you'll discern whether it's a match. Or not. If not, then NEXT!!

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  • I believe the solution is simple.
    Don't try so hard. Sure you should try in a relationship but when it comes to communicating it's best just to relax and let it happen. When you were talking about how you text "I always try to ask questions, but not too many questions" I was just thinking "why?"...

    If the text convo starts dissipating then just let it happen. You can always try to start a new conversation later.

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  • There is nothing try Hard like think it is what it is. But you should ask guy what he dnt like in you once you start liking. If you feel shy, then play a game etc but ask him. Also take reviews form you friends, this helps improve personality.

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  • Keep on trying. You'll find that person eventually. Are you being yourself through text, or are you just trying to keep the conversation going? That's another key thing.

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    • Both. I'm always me. I don't try to be something I'm not.

    • No no. I didn't explain that right, I guess. Like, are you being you over texts? Like... as opposed to just asking questions trying to keep the convo alive, are you just speaking the way you normally would? Maybe you like to throw out random facts or you randomly share something about your personal life. Something silly?

      What kept the other guys interested in you?

  • I won't ghost you lol

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  • It could be because you are trying TOO hard, or you could be with the wrong guys.

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  • Text me 😊

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  • Usually it's because you are boring. Are you?

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    • Hell no! Lmao
      I hate texting though.

    • In that case, there is only one other possible thing it can be, the rise of sex bots with A. I.

  • too young to be tied down, in my opinion

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  • You like those bad guys. But this is what we do.

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    • How do you tell if they are bad though. I haven't truly liked anyone in two years. I feel like I can spot a bad guy when I see one. I know the signs to look for. I've had my fair share of experience with them.

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    • I meant we have to have some similar interests and clique emotionally.

    • You'll see. One day my words will come true for you. Then you'll know that you're bad. You're just dripping wet with badness.

  • Well imagine the guys who were interested in you but not them. Now imagine the guys you're interested in but they're not. That's what happened. Hope that puts some context into things

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  • Yeah it's the same for guys , women lose interest fast also, you just haven't met the right guy yet

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What Girls Said 1

  • I think you are being too hard on yourself, if they are the right guy for you, they won't lose interest, and will continue texting you!

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