I played a bit hard to get with a guy that goes to my college and I think I scared him off. Help?



My friend introduced me to this guy that we go to school with and When we were texting, he would ask me to come over and make slick comments pertaining to me coming over. Mind you, we barely knew each other so that just turned me off because he was really showing his true intentions. Any time I see him at school he's pretty quiet but it's because most of his friends don't go to our school and he's really book-driven and is focused on school (things I've learned). I wouldn't reply to his messages because I don't appreciate being taken for a girl who just goes to guys houses instead of them having the courtesy of asking me out, wanting to hang out and not just implying that something sexual is going to happen.

Anyways, we'll see each other around at school, but we haven't texted or talked since early December when I decided to stop giving him the time of day. But now I'm intrigued by him and I really see that he's a nice guy and I assume that I showed him that I'm not "one of those girls" but I feel like because I've turned him down before, he won't try again because he doesn't want to get rejected but I would like to hang out with him. The other thing is that, I know a lot of pretty girls who are after him and who talk about him so I know he has many options (or I'm assuming). So that's also making me want to keep my distance because I don't want to be in potential competition with other girls. Mind you, all the guys at my school tell me that they "KNOW" that I have lots of guys that I talk to when in reality, I don't talk to any guys... so that makes me think that maybe he doesn't talk to girls? I don't know.

What do I do? Do I spark up conversation? Do I wait for him? (I like to take matters into my own hands lol). I was in a 4 year relationship and now that I'm out, I feel so oblivious and nieve to the ways of dating and feel so dumb.

Please give me any advice on what you think his thoughts are and what you think I should do to show him I'm interested?

Updates:
What do you think about him having other options? Should this be scaring me off? Or should I still try regardless? I know he was interested in me so I don't think I'll get rejected but I'm scared that he just has so many other people he's talking to... I also don't want to come off too strong.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • For most part it seems he wanted something. But then ran off. Now the main question, does he really like you and want's something serious or is an trap?

    Best thing i can say is to talk to him directly!
    Still have one in mind about what his intentions are.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Honestly, okay, he might have turned out as nice guy to YOUR EYES but according to my experience, guys pretty much remain like that, he tried, you said no, and he went on to the next one, and i think he will continue doing so, and congrats, you just saved your cute bum from a heartbreak.

    You can just be friends with him, initiate a conversation show him some interesting video be natural, and see WHAT IS TRULY INSIDE HIM without listening to others. DON'T just DON'T listen to others.

    You seem like a smart girl and don't loose yourself.
    Good luck and take care <3

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What Guys Said 10

  • Playing hard to get never works, and it all there would only be an infinitesimally small chance success and so it would be a very risky strategy with a huge percentage of failure, it will almost certainly backfire.

    Many people don't realize this. You need to stop playing mind games, you need to stop playing hard to get, take the step and talk to him first, then ask him out.

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    • So we'll see each other at school and say hi and text occasionally. I also saw him on the weekend at his store and he let me know that if I want to buy anything to text him and let him know and he'll come with me to the store. (I don't want anything though lol). So how do I spark up conversation since he hasn't messaged me first in a while (since what happened in December)

    • @briannalowe

      Are you saying that you both last texted in December? or are you saying that he spoke to you first in December and after that nothing happened?

      Anyways if nothing has happened since December and both of you haven't taken any step or initiative then it's possible that neither of you are very much interested in taking things forward. It's like both of you have some attraction, or you both may like each other from a distance but that liking that you have for one another is at a very basic level, meaning it's not that high that you both want to take things forward.

      You also said that you both text other occasionally, so that means only once in while so it's like you both text each other often or regularly. If both of you really like each other than it seems like both of you are waiting for the other person to take initiative instead of taking initiative yourselves. That's not going to work, if you both like each other then either of you will have to take the initiative.

  • He flirted, you declined, he accepted it and moved on to others rather than force himself on someone who doesn't want him. That would seem like the more obvious train of thought he'd be having.

    Going forward, I think you need to be honest and realistic. If you truly think he's worth it then go ahead and try, but you can't close your eyes to the fact that he's been flirting around either. Make your intentions clear, ask if he's getting involved with anyone else right now before anything else, and that you're not interested in just sex. This is not the time to worry about coming off too strong, since being vague might make it all a mess.

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    • So we'll see each other at school and say hi and text occasionally. I also saw him on the weekend at his store and he let me know that if I want to buy anything to text him and let him know and he'll come with me to the store. (I don't want anything though lol). So how do I spark up conversation since he hasn't messaged me first in a while (since what happened in December)

    • Show All
    • @briannalowe

      Are you saying that you both last texted in December? or are you saying that he spoke to you first in December and after that nothing happened?

      Anyways if nothing has happened since December and both of you haven't taken any step or initiative then it's possible that neither of you are very much interested in taking things forward. It's like both of you have some attraction, or you both may like each other from a distance but that liking that you have for one another is at a very basic level, meaning it's not that high that you both want to take things forward.

      You also said that you both text other occasionally, so that means only once in while so it's like you both text each other often or regularly. If both of you really like each other than it seems like both of you are waiting for the other person to take initiative instead of taking initiative yourselves. That's not going to work, if you both like each other then either of you will have to take the initiative.

    • @Joshy

      Sorry, I posted my comment under your reply, although I was replying to the user for the same comment.

      My apologies.

  • Give it up you lost. You fuck with a guy's head you've lost him forever. You will not be bearing his children.

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    • Looool how did I play with his head? He wanted to be sexual and I didn't want to and showed him thaf

    • Intentionally or not, you gave him mixed messages and when you do that, a male doesn't want to deal with you. You are not "all that".

  • so if I got this right... u fking ran away just because he was hinting on sex? ARE YOU 12? ok I get it, it might not be for everyone to open up so early about it, but dont judge him when we both know that if he were to make you cum right now you would be like "Oh thank god"
    and I would say yes... he is talking to other girls because of girls like you that show interest but the all of a sudden just turn the cold shoulder, and you can't blame him for wanting to interact with someone who will accept him and how he is
    So you want his attention back? Grow up, tell him you fked up earlier and that you wish to apologise and make things right

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  • Typical girl playing mind games with a dude and then running every direction for a solution. To answer your question: Learn from your mistake, don't play hard to get in the future, and move on.

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    • Although I do say "playing hard to get", it was more of me knowing my values and knowing that I'm worth more than just being invited to his house :)

    • Yet all of sudden, you now believe that he is worth your time and are inching towards a future in which you may go to his house and give him what he "deserves" as an "intriguing and nice guy". Rigggghhhhttt... Like I said, typical girl :)

    • Lol I see what you're saying. BUT, I now think he's worth my time because ever since I stopped replying to his messages, he's been friendly with me and I'll see him around at school and he'll give me a hug... little things that don't seem like he's trying too hard to get in my pants but wants to be friends. Basically he's being more respectful and treating me how I would have wanted in the beginning. Yes - typical girl lol.

  • NEVER PLAY HARD TO GET! guys do not like this shit and we are dumb as fuck. we will just see this as not interrested.

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  • You want to know how you show a guy you are interested? Show him that you are interested, don't play any mind games or get him to chase you, guys are simple creatures, just directly say to his face, you like him

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  • don't play games, life is too short and guys aren't interested that shit...

    if dude's doing or hinting at stuff you don't want a part of, straight up tell him

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    • So we'll see each other at school and say hi and text occasionally. I also saw him on the weekend at his store and he let me know that if I want to buy anything to text him and let him know and he'll come with me to the store. (I don't want anything though lol). So how do I spark up conversation since he hasn't messaged me first in a while (since what happened in December)

  • Don't worry whatever you do now still that feeling you can't take it back

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  • You have to ask him out.

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