I look great on paper but no one wants me... how to stay positive?

Venting a little bit here... I've never been married, no kids, have graduate degrees, decent job, good figure (size 0, cup D, long legs), small symmetrical okay looking face, thick shiny long hair, no white hair, no wrinkles... but I am getting older each year heading to mid thirties... I tried to go on dates, I don't ever get asked out unless I put myself on dating websites, even then, those dates are horrible, I couldn't get pass a 3rd date, I dread having to meet these people... when I actually run into someone I'd be interested in, they don't want to date me, just kept stringing me along like I am some kind of game, a catch to release, leave me crying. Sometimes, out of boredom, random guy friends will want to hang out a lot, and then out of the blue, they'd ask to turn it into dating relationship... it is horrible, because I am not attracted to my friends in that way, and I know for absolute certainty that they were just bored, they aren't really attracted to me, they just want to pass time because they are lonely. Next, they'd throw my friendship out like trash because I am not useful for dates, and one even went as far as unfriend me on facebook after a period of silence. I have never been cruel to anyone's feelings, but all the guys I've met online are lousy. I am trying to focus on my job, hit the gym, do my hobbies... but no guy ever approach me outside of dating websites. I don't know what to do... it feels like I am going to be old and alone for the rest of my life. I don't want to go to church and I don't want to be a nun... It depresses me, I feel like I am dying everyday waiting for the person I am supposed to be with... maybe he has already met someone else, and I am here, getting old and still waiting, for no one.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • It's not uncommon for very successful women to have a sort of manliness to them instead of a more Feminine energy. I don't know if that's an issue for you but it could be seeing as you've been fairly successful.

    It's also fairly common for attractive good women your age to be in your situation, there are just a lot of men who have dropped out of dating entirely. In my own circle of friends, late 20's to mid 40's I'm 36, I know several good men with jobs and such who have just stopped trying.

    It's also possible you're pricing your self out of the market.. sorta.. There was an article I was reading a while back where they had done the math on this. For example if you wanted a man, in your age range, single, and 6" tall, looking for a relationship, I think that reduces your dating pool in a city of a few million to something like a few hundred men. It only get's worse when you add things like college education, a minimum income level and being straight it quickly approaches the single digits and you haven't even considered things like compatible life style, life goals, beliefs or weather they find you attractive etc..

    The article said the best way to increase those options is to consider men who have non white collar jobs, but other things as well and to focus a little more on the traits that matter in a partner and focus a little less on the more superficial ones.

    I dunno if that helps at all. I can really relate to this:
    "It depresses me, I feel like I am dying everyday waiting for the person I am supposed to be with... maybe he has already met someone else, and I am here, getting old and still waiting, for no one."

    So know your not the only one out there struggling, the dating scene is a dumper fire as far as I'm concerned, it's so toxic!

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Most Helpful Girl

  • If you're supposed to be with someone then you will be with them and I'm 25 married twice a baby as a teen a Size 8 with oddly big ass eyes I don't think people care about any of that enjoy being you everything else happens when it happens if all else fails dating apps are in

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What Guys Said 11


  • ins your everyday life do you see men who you'd want to approach you? if not, you need to change or broaden your circle.
    it's funny you say no Church. but statistically speaking, the guys you'll meet at church, bowling clubs, book clubs, and fishing clubs will be higher caliber than the guys you're most likely to meet in regular everyday life.
    your perfect guy may very well be sitting in service every Sunday, waiting to meet you! xD (or the other woman whod love to get him first :/ ...)

    lastly you need to get a guy with vision and achievements. guys who don't have these may look at you and think they have nothing to bring to the table. most guys don't get in serious relationships with girls they feel are better off without them. if your focus is not needing a man, you may very well not get one. that's why you need an achiever with goals and confidence who will appreciate all you being to the table... and be able to fill the rest of the table himself. 😏👌

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  • Reading only the positives, it's impossible to understand WHY you are a social outcast for dating. A pro might figure it out, given a pic or face-face, then delve into daily conversations, history perhaps.

    SO blindly all I have to offer in a solution is ballroom dance lessons, no partner required, change partners a rule during class. At first, you'll feel stupid, then graduate to having classmate friends, then joining them for practice outings, then dancing-dining socials & fundraisers... this eventually make eat up 3-4 nights/week. Many find their match from these events and most do have as nice a description as you have posted.

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  • Your male friends have it much worse than you do. Apart from that, this is how most guys feel every week. How many girls do you think make the first move and approach us? Hardly any.

    And thats what you didn't say. You're waiting for guys to approach you - if they do, are you honest with them? Do you accept their advances? How is your awareness of being approached? What you didn't say, is 'I approach guys'.

    Try that. Before doing so you have no right to complain.

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  • You actually sound great.
    You write in complete sentences, know your and you're, and you even use punctuations. And the rest of it is all perks!

    Sure even my comment gets shot down because I'm a decade younger, but you seem like a really interesting person to get to know.

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  • Sounds to me like you are harboring too much negative energy. People subconsciously pick up on that sort of thing. Try to find a healthy outlet for your frustrations. I think that if you purge those bad feelings you will radiate a positive energy that will draw people to you.

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  • You have given yourself a high value - you describe yourself as highly desirable and I think that means your standards are very high. You say you "dread" meeting the people you do date and those you are interested in aren't.

    The short version is you seem to have a very specific guy and set of circumstances in which you will consider them worthy of dating you, and have in effect priced yourself out of the market.

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  • I'm sure there must be reasons as to why dating keeps failing for you , sometimes its not you personally but maybe things you did , I don't know

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  • Why do you expect guys to approach you? Is not being approached enough to make you depressed? Seems like you're extremely weak willed as well as venting for no reason about being single when it's obviously all on you. You aren't proactive enough in trying to find a guy. When you start approaching guys and your situation is the same, then you deserve sympathy. But your vent is just extremely pathetic.

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  • I can imagine how you feel.

    Maybe you should try to engage something yourself IRL, not online. Try to socialise during your job, gym or hobbies and make new friends hang with them in your free time, maybe one of them is your knight (or shield maiden) in shining armor. If not, perhaps one of the people you meet by hanging with your new friends is the one.

    (Don't forget, love can be strange and allusive. Keep your mind open for both genders, you never know how your boat will go.)

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  • try being more aggressive and approaching guys yourself and not just waiting

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  • You want more than you can provide

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