When did you have the "what are we" talk? Who initiated it?

Me and my friend mutually like each other and we haven't had the "what are we" talk yet. I am waiting for him to bring it up, because I think i did enough for now (and that means being the first of us to confess and text frequently.) even though I'm not sure he will. As long as we are confortable with what we have, it's ok though.

Did you have this talk with you SO? Who brought it up? What was the context?

Updates:
Thank you for telling me your stories!
I am closing the question because I heard everything I had to hear.
I will wait some more before I bring it up and until then I will keep bonding with him. :)

0|0

Most Helpful Guy

  • My girlfriend and I were hooking up for a while casually. It pretty much got to the point where we were hanging out all of the time. I genuinely enjoyed just having a conversation with her. I could tell that she wanted more. I had a lot thinking to do because I wasn't sure if I wanted to get in relationship considering all the things that I have going on in my life right now.

    She was too afraid to initiate the conversation with me as I anticipated and as she later admitted to this. She thought I was going to run away if she suggested any type of commitment.

    I took initiative made the first move. I sort of trolled her in the start of the conversation. I was like "blah blah I can't fucking stand girls who talk about their boyfriends all the time. I don't get why people just don't hook up at our age.

    I could tell at this point that she was sad AF but she was still nodding her head in agreement to whatever I was saying to save herself from embarrassment. I went 0 to 100 real quick. I told her I really liked her and I wanted her to be mine. Asked her what she thought about that. She was so fucking shocked and happy ahah.

    Anyways, I've always been a firm believer to be honest with yourself when it comes to situations like these. If you want something (or someone in this case) then go out and fucking get it.

    I don't just catch feelings like nothing. It's a rare occurrence. When I do, I know it means something though. Wasn't about to pass up the opportunity. That girl is all fucking mine. I got her hooked aha.

    1|0
    0|0
    • you played a lot of games and seem to worry more about feeling like you're controlling her than admitting how you actually feel -- for someone who was being honest with themselves.

      you clouldnt even tell this story without making sure we understood how humiliated and in love and helpless she was and how methodical and in control and placating you were to 'her'.

      you probably dont even like her you just just like feeling like you can control her and imagine youd be the first to leave..

      well the fact she was willing to go along with whatever thats her fault, hopefully she grows back bone.

    • Show All
    • @AriadneSky Like I said, this sounds oddly personal. If you were hurt by a guy who matched my characteristics, then you should probably refrain from your judgement. These accusation are a bit extreme and radical. Rational people don't throw this kind of stuff at others unless they are projecting. This is why I believe somebody else hurt you in your past. That has nothing to do with me.

    • "That girl is all fucking mine. I got her hooked aha."

      Yeah she could say the same thing about me.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Yea, it was quite different from your situation though. We've been hooking up, always after a few drinks. He was really into me but wasn't sure if I wanted a relationship. I brought up the what are we conversation after we had sex completely sober for the first time. Been together for almost a year now :)

    1|0
    0|0

What Guys Said 7

  • both of us waited for the "what are we talk" for 2 years. we were more than friends but somehow it was good that we didn't make it official to our friends ( coz it would have create a massive "jealousy wave" among friends ).

    by the way I like your username pikagirl. looks like you love pikachu.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Yes. There was sudden tension and animosity that my partner never expressed prior, so I called her out on it. It ended in the loss of a friend, but I think I lost her quite a bit before we had the talk. So, in the end, it really ended with our freedom.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Didn't. Didn't need to. Were spending so much time together we basically just were official without needing to spell it out.

    0|0
    0|0
  • At 15 years old, the only answer is "friends who hang out together sometimes".

    0|1
    0|0
  • You should initiate it. for the lone fact that he may be talking to somebody else or soon do that. He may not want a relationship and you need to know if that's the case before you get so far into it. I'd go ahead. plus males love hearing that a girl wants a relationship if he feels the same way. makes him feel good about himself, which will start out the relationship great

    0|0
    0|0
  • Been here
    done this.

    This was when I was asked what we were after I covered her ass often.
    It was a hard talk because i had to sit there and explain she was nothing special and i usually look out for people

    0|0
    0|0
  • They bring it up, usually after sex when im tryin to sleep. Ends the relationship and my nap

    0|0
    0|0

What Girls Said 13

  • Yep I had this talk with my now boyfriend last year lolz. We had it after about 5 weeks of dating. I wouldn't have brought it up so soon into dating except for the fact he was going on holidays and I didn't want him to get with anyone else lol. I basically said I just want to talk about us. And then he said ya I was going to ask you to be my girlfriend anyway and that was that lol

    0|0
    0|0
  • My boyfriend started it only because I didn't know we were serious so when he was saying how he fell in love with this girl, I told him to go for it and saying how she would definitely like him. He laughed and said he was talking about me so we had the talk after laughing.

    0|0
    0|0
  • you should clarify things simply bc you want to know. then you can get on with your life one way or the other. lifes short. why wait?

    0|0
    0|0
    • i did. i told him i was in love. then i ran away. then i took it back. then i asked him out. then he was kind of pissed off and suspicious... then we agreed to take things slow. then he slept over a few times and asked if i was his girlfriend while he was half asleep. we are together now. things are so great i want it to say just as is... i'm having difficulty trying to kiss him lol

    • I don't think it would be a great idea for now because I think I might be too pushy if I bring it up. I am waiting to meet with him sometime and maybe then I will bring it up. For now, I just wanted to hear how others did it. :)

  • We had it like 2 months into dating.
    We came back from a date in the city on the train and got in his car. He just was like "we're exclusive right?"
    I already assumed we were. lol

    0|0
    0|0
  • I can't remember who brought it up. 😅
    We are just friends, by the way. 😂

    0|0
    0|0
  • I did, on a phone conversation. He basically said we're "friends". Not even friends with benefits despite having sex last time we got together. Just "friends". That I'm a "nice girl" and I should "relax", "calm down," and "chill."

    I broke it off.

    0|0
    0|0
    • what a condescending dip shit lol you dodged well.

    • @AriadneSky lol.. yeah I'm so "relaxed" I blocked him so I won't have him ruining my "chill"

  • Me. I wanted to clarify so I can do all the lovey-dovey shit, and it wasn't just "NSA".

    0|0
    0|0
  • Me: What are we?
    Pizza:... I really can't say

    1|0
    0|0
  • I messaged him and told him he's my boyfriend now Lol.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I had that talk a couple months into the whole thing. He brought it up.

    0|0
    0|0
  • a guy and I had this talk together and we decided to just stay friends but we continue to flirt with one another then after just the 2 of us hanging out it all stopped and now we are not really friends or anything for that matter. it sucks

    0|0
    0|0
  • I brought it up. The context was we had broken up but still liked each other. We needed to figure out what we were. That was dating without the label

    0|0
    0|0
  • I asked out my now husband...

    0|0
    0|0
Loading...