Why do nice girls fall for jerks?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • You know I used to really worry about this, especially when I was younger. Now quite frankly I don't care anymore. I say this because I have realized that I am what I am (some might say I'm a nice guy, some may not). I guess what it really comes down to is the eye of the beholder (similar to beauty). In the end if somebody can accept me for the way I am (flaws and all), then I will accept them for the way they are. There are only a very few things I ask in return. 1. Respect me, as it happens this isn't something that is really all that hard, just extend to me the respect you expect to get in return. 2. Stay true to me, I say this in the sense that if you are going to desire monogamy from me, I can certainly provide this, again so long as you stay true to me as well. 3. Lastly be kind to my heart. I completely understand that life can be hard, it's that much harder when the one who is supposed to have your "back" is constantly kicking you when you are down. In my mind a loving relationship means that you are both aware of your partners needs and help support them as they walk beside you on this journey we call life.

    If these things can be met and maintained, then everything else really doesn't matter all that much, which includes the great debate about why both men and women make bad choices in their partners, because that is really what I see going on here. It has far less to do with "bad boys" vs "good guys" or "wild/crazy" girls as opposed to "good girls" in the end it comes to the simple fact that you can't really complain about your poor choices relationship wise when you yourself don't really know what it is you want. It might serve you well to take a step (or a few) back to look inside yourself to see what it is you really want in your life and how to go about getting it. If having a partner in your life is important, it should also require some thinking about who you are and what you want from such a relationship, and then making some careful and thoughtful choices to meet those goals.

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    • well said sir. I'm glad their are some older guys on here bestowing wisdom on these youngsters (I'm no spring chicken myself either). I too have become more comfortable about who I am but I still got more work to do.

    • @somewheresomeway Thank you as well kind sir. I am always glad to help where I can. I am also a work in progress I suspect anybody who is willing to continue learning as they go through life will never actually ever be "done", but there in lies the beauty of being a learner for life. :-)

Most Helpful Girl

  • I never did. But then again, I am not..."nice"

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What Guys Said 44

  • I think it's 2 things,

    1) the jerks are more confident and outgoing and approach, say the right things women want to hear etc

    2) women may be blinded in the beginning and not really see the "real" guy (just want they want to see), OR, they think they can change him. FYI ladies, while it can happen, very, very unlikely you'll ever change a guy. He'll have to WANT to change and do the work to change. Most of the time it doesn't happen.

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  • Because these "jerks" probably have been with several girls before, so they know what words has the most impact.. Especially "nice" girls, who may not have a lot of experience in the field.

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  • Because they are immune to the girl's control while being able to exert their own.

    Kinda wanna crucify myself for saying it but most guys are willing to give everything and fake everything in order to get a girl, thinking she'll appreciate the sacrifice. While she may appreciate it, it isn't what makes her weak in the knees (among other bodily areas). Bad boys don't do this. They don't let the mere fact that he wants a girl give up his individuality. Girls can't get wet for a guy they don't respect. The bad boy gets that respect by making it plainly obvious that he is his own man and he won't toss aside who he is for a girl.

    Also, most guys hold themselves back from really taking the reins in their relationships because they fear being "the bad guy." It's like Kung Fu Panda. Po almost never fights at his maximum because he doesn't want to hurt anyone too much. This is confirmed in an episode of the TV series (*shudders*) when Po is separated into his good and evil halves. While separated, Po's evil half was able to mop the floor with his entire team with relative EASE because he didn't have his former inhibitions. It works much the same way with nice guys. They see using what they have to offer to keep their girl in line as being too much of a bad thing, and so they never do it. Once again, this means the girl doesn't respect them and so they end up dry in the lower regions.

    It all boils down to confidence. It's funny. Most girls will answer questions like these with "they're confident" and so us guys will be like "wtf is she talkin about?" But as I'm sitting here typing out this answer, it really does come to a head with the guy's self worth. So thanks for making me overthink this.

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    • At 19 you are WAY ahead of the game sir. Spot on, keep it up. I didn't figure that out until my late 20s.

  • Because they're dumb. Only dumb girls fall for jerks.

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    • The answers from the girls are priceless hahaha then they come crying when they get played by a jerk... Jesus Christ lol

  • Why do nice girls fall for jerks? The same reason why nice males fall for jerks (females).

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    • yep, but your old enough to know that this paradox is much worse with women. I'll stay attracted to a bitchy woman ONLY briefly (2 weeks tops). A nice girl will stay attracted to jerk for months and even years.

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    • I dunno @robin48 about your conclusion. Jerks will usually seek out passive people to control and dominate. They don't want somebody telling them they are wrong.

    • @somewheresomeway

      Jerks will usually seek out passive people to control and dominate. They don't want somebody telling them they are wrong. I total agree with you. This true. Jerk join other jerks and do this as a team on others.

  • jerks are a majority, that's a first reason

    serious men aren't only fun and giggles to deal with, sure it's a lot of it as well... but you'll have to cope with worries and attentions from them. Everyone wants to feel good, but a very few are ready to take all that comes with it in a relationship. That's a second reason

    Likes attracts likes, mature and honest peoples aren't a majority out there... being immature and/or dishonest can't get you really far. That's a third reason

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  • Very simple, jerks don't give a shit about you. So they are not affraid to screw up. If you don't like them in the end they instantly move on to the next girl. This makes them seem unbelievably confident and all this experiance hopping from girl to girl makes them extremely smooth talkers and very convincing. Thats why if i was a girl it would be a red flag for me if a guy is overly confident and not the least bit nervous he screws things up with me. It could mean he doesn't find me that special.

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  • Because they're not boring and likely to exhibit masculine behaviour.

    While guys have to approach many girls to find the right one, girls have to filter through the jerks to find the right one. It's just the way it is, so I don't know why people see this dynamic as a bad thing.

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  • Because they're "Exciting". Then they give Billy Joe Badass the pretty, best
    years, get knocked up and then have the temerity to come groveling back
    to the good, nice guys. FUCK THAT SHIT IN THE ASS ! Bitch keep the fuck
    away from me with your bastard offspring ! You had your chance with a
    good man like me and you fucking BLEW IT out your ass ! I cannot believe
    how many men will accept bad boy's used up wretched excuses for women
    NOOOO !!! I'll reject these simpletons each and every time. They're not
    even worthy of being a fuck buddy ! So ladies, welcome to trailer park America. Tha's all you deserve.

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    • And good women get rejected constantly for the gold diggers who use the guys for money while cheating and sleeping around. It's unfortunate that the good guys and good girls always get the short end of the stick 🙁

  • Depends what you mean by a nice guy? You might think you're a nice guy, but actually you're dead creepy. Or you may think the other guy is a jerk because of how he treats you, but to everyone else he's a really decent bloke. It's all to do with perspective.

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    • If someone is an asshole to a person for no reason but treat other people nice. Can you really consider that guy a decent guy?

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    • No, but then of you hadn't seen that situation and treasure guy gives 20 quid to a homeless guy down the road, you'd think he is an amazing guy.

    • It doesn't matter how much nice things he does. You can't be a stand up person if your only selectively nice. For all you know, he could just give the 20 quid down the road so he could take a picture of it and post it on FB so people can see how just "nice" he is. There is truly nice people who are nice to everyone until they deserve to be treated badly then there is "fake nice" people who are nice only when it suits them.

  • Any woman that falls for a jerk should reevaluate her life. Jerks won't bring happiness ladies, they will have sex with you and make you pregnant, worst of all they won't pay child support when you finally take a hint and dump them. So you are left being a single mother having to raise a child the father wants nothing to do with.

    What a great life...

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  • Something to do with "reforming a bad boy" which never works out and they end up crying about all guys being the same, then becoming a bitch and proceeding to repeat what just happened, or end up with a kid and attempt to settle down with the good guys, which sometimes the good guys accept because they are too nice.

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    • Except it's not. If I wanted a nice guy, I'd go for a nice guy. (I have liked nice guys in the past) I want a bad boy to be bad.
      When you get involved, you know what you're letting yourself in for, so you just enjoy the ride. In every sense.

    • @Napoli that might be you, not every girl knows what they are letting themselves in for, the bad boys have confidence which a lot of shy/nice guys lack and since the bad boys approach these girls go for them

  • Because those girls want the 'cool' guy. The man. The hotshot. The good looking guy. The arrogant snarky dude

    It is what is is buttercup

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  • A guy who treats me well - I'm too good for him, I don't want a guy who is lucky to have me, I should be the one to be lucky to have him.
    A guy who treats me like shit - He is too good for me, he must be sooo great I would be so lucky to have him.

    The female mind boiled down to the very basics.
    Obviously this goes hand in hand with how insecure the girl is.
    The more insecure she is, the more validation she will seek by trying to land a "superior" partner.

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  • They are attractive and exciting. Looks and excitement matter above everything else except for when they are looking to get married which is when financial stability and reliability start to take priority.

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  • Jerks provide a challenge for women.

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  • its not about jearks/♂♀sluts
    no one no when thy fall in love
    no one born jearks n sluts
    its their opinion
    to fall in love or not

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  • I'm just going to add my couple of cents here.

    Girls don't go for jerks, girls go for guys with confidence, guys that are open about themselves and guys that go after girls.

    I think it is sad that these guys do seem to be jerks, but there are also a lot of "nice guys" that display these qualities too, you're just more likely to notice the jerks, because not only are these pretty much prerequisites for being a jerk, douchebags are also much more likely to flaunt it.

    In my personal experience, most of the "jerks" are actually "nice guys", you just seem to be noticing the "jerks" that are douchebags.

    To word it differently, this question is the classic "loud, crass jerk" vs "quiet introspective nice guy" question but the whole premise is flawed. being quiet and lacking self confidence does not make someone a "nice guy" and being confident, possibly arrogant, and having experience dealing with the fairer sex does not necessarily make someone a "jerk"

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  • Because jerks put everything out there, there is no surprise or very few with them. While "nice guys" try to cover up the fact they live with their mom at age 32 and throw hissy fits when she won't cave into his demands

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    • Oh, is it circlejerk time again?

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    • Thanks, I was trying to find that on youtube.

    • That why you ask many questions about a person before you have a relationship with them.

      I would never date that type of female.

      It a fact how women go with looks. The book cover can mislead you to something you do not what to know or be a part of. This goes for all types of relationship. Just think about a family. Mother and Father brought me into this world. You are not the type of parent I what.

      Do you remember that 12-year-old boy who what to find another family to live with? He what to divorces his mother. She was a single mother with drugs and drinking issues. She had men over every night. The boy could hear them having sex. This was down in Florida.

      The boy what to be love. There no way you can be loved by a sex pervert, drugs popping, and a drunk. His mother was a complete jerk.

  • nice guys finish last

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  • the same reason nice guys fall for sluts

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  • Is that the case? Or neither the "good girls" and "the jerks" know what they really want?

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  • Because they have poor judgement

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  • no matter what some of them will end up here with stories, no offense

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  • Because they are silly and stupid.

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  • 2 things opposites attracts and/or similar attracts so either nice girls are not really nice either they do want bad guys around them because of their ignorance, confidence and attitude

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  • cuz thats whats attractive to girls, they don't mr nice guy that gets boring and is unnatractive

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  • Coz they're not confident enough to try things on their own

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  • the media promotes the fantasy of being able to change bad boys.

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What Girls Said 27

  • I'll tell you of one example of how i (unwittingly) picked a jerk over a nice guy.

    One night my best friend and I were bar hopping downtown. I ended up catching the eye of one guy, we'll call Brandon. Brandon was with his friend Dante. Initially I was more attracted to Dante, but Brandon wasn't ugly. He was also friendlier and paid more attention to me. Dante acted somewhat gruff and slightly standoffish like he was in a bad mood, but once you made an effort to talk to him, he opened up and was nice. Brandon was more openly hitting on me and would touch me a lot (not in a disrespectful way, but would grab my hand and hold me in a way you knew he was interested). Brandon was more flirty and I could tell he was into me. Dante didn't flirt much.

    I ended up briefly hanging out with Brandon but found out that he was rude, disrespectful, a bum, and raised red flags of possible abuse. Dante ended up being more open and I could tell that he liked me, but by that time it was too late and I had already been with his friend. Fast forward a year later and Dante is happily married and I hear he treats his wife like a queen. I sometimes wonder if that could have been me if I'd overlooked Brandon for him.

    Dante could have stolen my attention away if he was more forward and open about his interest for me. I was left wondering and unsure, so I went with the guy who I thought liked me.

    So sometimes nice guys end up losing because they dont make the move. Welll, I won't say LOSING because Dante is now happily married so he won in his own way. :)

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    • Exactly this. How are you supposed to know if there are no signs?

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    • interesting. I've always thought I lost out with women when I was younger because I gave them TOO much attention and it came off as needy. I was told to stop acting like Brandon and to be more like Dante (standoffish) because women like mystery.

    • it isn't that women like mystery. but they dont exactly like fake guys either

  • - The jerk might be nice in the beginning but will slowly start to show his true color once the girl is already infatuated, and it'll be harder for her to accept that that's truly who he is.
    - She lives in a fantasy world where she believes she's the only person who can make him change his ways (cough cough Beauty and the beast-complex)
    - She's insecure and thinks that she doesn't deserve better.
    - She mistakes his arrogance and cockiness/rudeness as him being confident and cool.

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    • And sometimes assholes really are just much more adventurous and the girl thinks it's a thrill to be with him, without realising that it's short-lived and can be harmful in the long run.

    • Point two is really important I think.

    • +1 THIS. Couldn't have said it better.

  • Because jerks know what girls want to hear to make them fall for them. And nice girls tend to fall for it because they're nice.

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  • I think it depends on which girls you see as nice girls..

    and which guys you see as jerks

    Normally nice girls dont like jerks. If they are trully nice and have some ounce of self-respect and sensibility, they won't allow themselves to date jerks.

    Unless the jerk is, himself, puttin on an act...

    Also, a guy you may see as a jerk, at 1st, or in your eyes, may actually turn out not to be a jerk. Never judge a book by its cover.

    But then there are cases where nice girls may be too naive and be looking for the wrong qualitites in men... and yes here you may have a nice girl dating a jerk.

    But just saying that normally "real nice girls" (those that dont just act as nice) dont fall for "real jerks" :P

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  • .. because nobody's going to take the time to read the minds and internal dialogues going on in the minds of most of the self-proclaimed 'nice guys' who, more often than not, are sulking in the corner as they watch the 'jerks' actually approach and speak with the objects of their affection.

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  • Because jerks can be fun or express a lot, and when you act really nice you can't do that, let alone act bad.

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    • So the girls could like jerks, because the jerks are how they wish they could be, like at least a little.

  • Jerks don't usually start by being a jerk. They're confident and come across nice and fun. The jerky shit comes later.

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  • The only time I was with a "jerk" was one time in my life when I had literally no self esteem and felt like I didn't deserve any better. Now that I've realized my worth I would never be attracted to a man who didn't treat me how I deserve to be treated.

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  • Because they are charming.

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  • Most girls are under the impression he's a nice guy , not a jerk. ( everyone puts on their best side when they first meet someone) Once they start developing feelings for him it's not so easy for them to walk away.

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  • Unresolved daddy issues

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  • I don't know... I guess they know what to say and do to a girl to make her fall for them. I fell for them too, I admit... but I don't have the exact explanation 😂

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  • Because they're stupid mainly if we are getting deep they want danger or attention or think it would be passionate which is all stupid

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  • for the same reason nice guys fall for b*tches

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    • Not really, guys that fall for obvious bitches care more about looks then personality and just want a hot fuck. Girls that fall for jerks expect him to be nice and serious but then discover he isn't remotely like that.

  • They think they can make him better.

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  • I know right >.< I'm a nice bitch and I always fall for such jerks even at the moment I'm in love with this jerk who has absolutely no respect for me -.-

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  • Because good looks and confidence is attractive - and then we probably think we can change them to be better.

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  • Guys think girls for bad boys when in reality bad boys are the only ones who actually approach girls so there is nothing else for them to choose from. Think about that.

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  • Because they tend to act like nice guys first and then they just turn into jerks.

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  • Because she needs to fall for a jerk to know the right one. I wouldn't be who I am today if I didn't fell for that jerk. I would thank him instead of slap him.

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  • I don't, and won't fall for jerks, because they're jerks.

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  • Because I'm an idiot... that's why.

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  • The picture says it all. A guy with confidence who doesn't look desperate.

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  • im starting ask myself every day now

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  • The same reason why men fall for bitchy girls and slutty girls who treat them like shit

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    • admittedly I do find a very fleeting attraction to bitchy women but trust me it's VERY temporary (2 weeks tops). This problem is much worse with you girls. You will stay attracted to jerks for months and even years.

  • jerks are more attractive if they are nice to me

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  • Youth and inexperience. Now... I am better about not falling for jerk, jerks... I just gotta keep from falling for the ones who don't like me back. *sigh* some of us are complete failures with relationships.

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