Guys, Wrong guys or wrong methods?

I keep finding myself in the fbuddy zone which really really frustrates me. I'd only had one boyfriend in the past, we broke up about a year ago and since then I've slept with 6 different men who all don't want anything more than sex. I've never worn anything provocative or initiated flirting with any of the 6, and I didn't have a rep for sleeping around that any of them knew either.

Package-wise: I earn in the 70k+ range, am 24, Ivy graduate and have been told that I'm attractive enough (pageants, and men do stare). I do feel like I have a personality issue; i can be aloof (actl just shy) initially and I can't flirt or banter consistently well. Yet other people have said that I just need to be more confident in who I am and there have been other guys (whom I didn't want to date) have liked me for that mostly. And I have pretty bad self esteem issues.

None of the 6 are out of my league objectively (though all were good looking and successful professionals or very rich), in fact in some cases I've been told that I can do better. My friends (who hook the same type as boyfriends) say that it's because I don't know how to get guys to treat me better. I have no social media and don't update my Facebook, so there's nothing else that can influence their opinion.

What is going on? And what can I do?

Ie. Met a guy through a friend one night we were going out. He did show a lot of interest but I kept conversation on a friendly level. Throughout the night he kept getting me to drink and I was extremely stressed and got wasted. So - yeah, suddenly he was making out with me and we were at his place etc. I don't know WHY but from the start he was trying to get into my pants. And I was in WORK CLOTHES. And I was okay with writing it off as a drunken ONS and moving on but he kept being really affectionate and insisting that he liked me, and we did things other than sex. 3 months later, he's even more affectionate but the "I'm not looking for a r/s" line pops out


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Most Helpful Guy

  • God that's a lot to read. Phew! Anyway. Your only real main issue in the dating scene is your not looking for guys who want a relationship. You see your trend. You date people then get to know them. RED FLAG. This world wants you to be this way and that. It's takes me 2 hours to know a person. Why cause I do my homework on the person I like. It's perfectly okay.

    Your personality far as concerned. Being shy is okay, being aloof helps your morals anyway so that's cool, but not knowing how to flirt and stuff is a huge turn off. Guys will see you as friend zoning them.

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What Guys Said 3

  • I'm going to tell you something about guys. They'll say/do anything to get in your pants. From treating you like a queen to making you feel loved. Not all guys are like that though some will really care about you and have feelings but they feel like they're to young or to busy for a relationship

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    • So how does one try to figure out if they're genuine?
      I know the old "wait 3 dates" rule but that's still pretty easy to do.
      The last guy saying that he was too busy, but had time to party hard every weekend. If that wasn't what I wanted to do too we couldn't really hang out. I'm sure they would make time if they actually did want someone

    • Yes that is very true when someone wants to be with you, they would make time for you!
      But as what you're tell me it sounds like this guy just wants to go out and have fun and have you on the side

  • I think it's your self image that keeps you in that circle. I think that practicing a little assertiveness and breaking the pattern of just going along with these guys might help. Visualize where you want yourself to be.

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    • Thanks... I sort of do but how do I get them to stop thinking "oh I wanna screw her" from the get go.

    • It's what we do. Sorry but I can't dress it up. That part is on them and what you do with it is where you are now. I'm not implying anything in your case but some of the girls I chat with doing the "mutually beneficial" thing (sugar daddy) always say "what am I getting out of this?" It might be relevant to hold these guys accountable so you're not just part of the body count. You sound like you're successful and ambitious so I don't see a downside to raising the bar.

  • why don't you try me?
    i promise to be different

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