My girlfriend of 4 months has been growing distant on me, wanted some space. Not sure if I should keep doing no contact or try to reach out to her?

My girlfriend (we'll call her Sam) started becoming distant with me a few weeks ago, really once the new semester kicked in. She stopped communicating with me, making plans for anything or even telling me she loved me or even cared about me. She would take hours to respond to my texts, wouldn't answer her phone, and would be very curt.

Her mom said that she tends to push people away when she's stressed/depressed/anxious, and with school, work, volunteering, church and tutoring I can't blame her. She said to give her space when she does, but to not flat out ignore her. That it was a "fine balance and not for the faint of heart". She was diagnosed with depression, anxiety and ADHD. She told me on Friday when we went out that being romantic stressed her out. That she thought we were going too fast and needed some space.

For reference, we spent pretty much every day together during the winter break (she always sought me out and wanted to be with me), so it understandably was an added shock to our flow.

She told me on Friday (as I was pulling into her street to drop her off): "I liked spending time with you (during the date Friday) in a stress-free relaxing way without any romantic pressure involved. Can we do this more often? I don't want to lead you on into thinking that we're going to last forever either. I don't know does this mean that we're still in a relationship? Do you still want to be? I care about you". I told her I loved her and would always support her and wanted her to be able to trust in me with anything that was bothering her, to help her if she wanted. She's tough, so of course she said she didn't need or want help. Then she got out of the car and said, "take care, drive safe. I'll talk to you when I talk to you!"

Should I maintain no contact with her and wait for her to reach out, or should I wish her a Happy V-Day? She didn't want me to be romantic, but I don't want her to feel ignored either. I'm really confused and hurting for her😔


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What Girls Said 1

  • Wait for her to reach out , she knows she's got you wrapped around her finger and that even though she pulled away a lot and completely stopped providing any of her parts in the relationship , that you'd still be there for her when she needs you to. she said herself that you guys won't last forever and she's making it clear she doesn't want a clear future with you but she still wants to continue the "relationship" , she wants you to back off but not "ignore her", stopped talking to you and telling you she loves you , and after all that makes herself into the victim and blames it on being stressed because you're romantic with her. Are u sure she hasn't found someone else? She's playing clear mind games , but you just can't see it right now

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    • I just don't know. She told me at the beginning of our relationship that she sometimes tended to shut herself off from everyone when she was depressed and I'd think she was crazy. Should I have been more assertive during our relationship and not gone over to spend the night every time she asked? I think I need to learn how to be more alpha, and I really do see no contact as one of the ways I can do that.

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    • Good for you, dont let her walk all over you, how old is she by the way? Maybe her maturity level has something to do with her age , I dont know

    • She's 20, 3 months older

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