Is it too much to expect to date a woman with no kids at my age?

Ok, so I am 31, and I am trying to get back into the dating scene a year after my previous abusive relationship ended.

I keep hearing from people around me that I am now too old to only look for women without kids (I prefer women who are up to 5 years younger, or 2 years older). It seems like single women in this age range are either divorced with kids, or have kids born out of wedlock.

I haven't really put myself out there yet, because I am still healing a bit from the trauma of my previous relationship. But the general landscape seems to be discouraging.

Please note, I have nothing against kids, but I only prefer to have kids with my SO (biological or adopted). I am just not into women with kids from a previous relationship or marriage.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • While the landscape is definitely discouraging (I say this as a 27 year old single woman), it's not impossible.

    I'm in the same boat as you. I'm single, no kids, never been married, never been pregnant. I want to get married and have kids someday. But I'm finding it hard to find any single guys that are in my age range. I am open to dating guys up to their mid-thirties. But there are very slim pickings with guys aged 25 to 30. Which kind of makes it hard.

    Most of the guys who are in their 30's already have kids, are divorced or come with a buttload of baggage from a previous relationship. I've been in a few situations where it's been expected of me to fix their problems. I have no interest in that. Maybe that sounds mean, but I believe we have to try and help ourselves. If they aren't actively working on their problems, how will things ever change? A big part of moving forward is wanting to change, if the person isn't willing to try then how is anything I do going to change things?

    I think you just need to really start putting yourself out there when you feel ready. There are women out there, like me, who definitely want to find someone. But I am also having a hard time. So meeting someone who is open and willing to date would be awesome.

    I can understand not wanting to date a single parent, because it definitely is a bit more challenging to make a relationship work. When a person has small kids, it takes more of their time and attention, which can be hard for someone who is single with no kids to understand.

    Not only is the relationship about you and your girlfriend. But it is also about her kids too. You have to consider them in everything you two decide.

    There's also added financial costs if you do end up becoming serious, and then having to possibly deal with custody issues with the ex. I know plenty of single parents who won't date single parents. They don't want to have to deal with someone else's kids (they have told me this themselves), which is fine if that is what they want. Everyone gets to choose what situations work for them and which one's don't.

    We all have options in life and love and we get to choose what we allow into our lives. If you don't feel dating a single parent is for you, then that's good. Because you wouldn't be a good match for a single parent if that is how you feel.

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    • Wow, a very well thought out response. Thank you!

      My peers tell me that if I am very particular about not dating single moms, I should be prepared to remain single forever (not that it will happen, but they say I should be ready for it) or become filthy rich and look for a younger 'sugar baby'. I would anyday choose being single over being a sugar daddy!

      I hope you find the man you are seeking. Good luck! 😊

    • Thank you! I hope I helped!

      I don't think that by refusing to date single parents that you are destined to remain single. You just need to get out more and meet more people. Like you said in your original post, it sounds like you haven't put yourself out there much. So when you feel ready, start doing things that get you meeting new people. That opens your social circle up and helps you to meet more potential dates.

    • Yes, you helped immensely, and also gave me new hope. Thanks! 😊

Most Helpful Guy

  • How ironic I came across this question... cauz i'm also 31 and was single for a long time until recently.

    The woman i'm dating is 33, with no kids (and does want them). Maybe I found a unicorn!

    I'm a testament that it IS possible to find a woman in her 30s without kids! Don't give up hope, broski.

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    • Yes, you do give me a ray of hope. Good luck pal! 😊

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 12

  • There are definitely women out there in your age range who don't have kids. However, if you can open up to the idea of potentially dating a woman who has kids, it will probably widen your options quite a bit. With the right woman, a kid might be as much of a problem as you think it will be. Consider giving the woman a chance and getting to know her just a tad before you make her children a total 100% dealbreaker.

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    • I understand what you mean, but I don't know if I will be able to compromise on this. I did not make the mistake of ending up as a single father, so it will be really difficult for me to open myself to a woman with kids.

      The only exception may be if the kid was involuntary (like if she was raped and ended up pregnant).

    • Show All
    • You know, there is a middle ground between specifically seeking women with kids and only dating on if you happen to bump into her by accident. Reserving judgement until you know her is an option too.

    • only dating one* not on

  • Unfortunately that does shrink your dating pool quite a lot. Maybe shoot for the 25 and under range. Some of them have their crap together and could be in the same place as you.

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    • 25 would be too young for me. Damn, I'd feel like a friggin' paedo!

    • Lol yeah I can understand that. I can't do younger either. Well just have to be super observant and have patience.

  • I know plenty of women our age who don't have kids.

    Don't settle for someone who can't share the life you want. If you don't want kids, don't get with a woman who has or wants them. It's not worth it.

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    • No I do want kids, but only biological of those I adopt with her. I can't go for a woman with another man's kid.

    • Ok that may be tougher to find... maybe lot of women who don't have kids at this age don't because they don't want em

  • I'm 32 and don't have any kids. I love children but I really only want to raise my own children that I have with my S/O. I'm the same way as you.

    Granted there are plenty of single people in our age group who are single parents but there are also still plenty who don't.

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    • Yeah, you seem to be exactly the type of person I am looking for. Hope I can fine one in this part of the world.

    • *fine one

    • *find one

      Shit, bloody typos! 😛

  • There are plenty of woman without kids between 26-33. Go to a church to meet them.

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    • What if the guy is simply not religious at all?

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    • There are plenty of women between 27-34 as I assume your range is plus minus 4. But I do also not date with people over 31-32 simply because the ones I met were old in souls and didn't know how to have fun. And by the way, I am 28.

    • @lyannamormont

      I get what you say! 😊

  • Just meet professional women and you'll be all set :)

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  • no it is not too much you can still find such a girl

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  • Absolutely not my daughter is 27 and has no kids.

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    • That's encouraging! Thanks! 😊

  • Im about your age and have no kids so its not impossible :)

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    • I am pretty sure you don't live in my country, or else we could have given it a shot! 😉

      Jokes apart, thanks for answering. Women like you give me hope! 😊

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    • Thanks once again! And good luck finding your knight in shining armour! 😉

    • Ty same to you

  • 31 isn't old , if you're into younger girls and you look good you'll find someone

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    • Not too young, it makes me look like a paedo (even if the girl is a legal adult).

    • I see
      Maybe you should just try to forget about the age and just meet new people until you find the one.

  • A lot of women are waiting until later to have kids now, so I think it's totally doable.
    But after reading some of your replies down below, you seem very close minded about single moms. They didn't "make the mistake" of becoming a single mom. They could have 1) actively made the choice to go into motherhood alone because they wanted children, 2) left an abusive relationship, much like yourself, so I think it seems silly for you to go ahead and judge off of that, or 3) left a crumbling marriage, partly for the kids' sake. Or any number of other reasons. I understand wanting to meet other people without kids, but you seem way too judgmental and harsh over single moms

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    • Not really. It's just a preference. A lot of people have even more superficial preferences with looks, height, race etc. Compared to all that, I don't think my preference is 'unreasonable'.

    • He's not overly harsh about this. I agree with everything he says. Single mothers
      are way, way more trouble than they're worth when it comes to dating. I'm not going to drive a used, damage beat up old hooptie when the lot is full of new models with much fewer miles and issues. Single mothers are damaged, used women whose sexual market value is much lower and never will be high again, A 10 becomes a -10 when she has a yard ape.

    • Single men with options view single mothers as used and damaged. Which they are.

  • I'm 29 and don't have any. But why not try someone with kids?

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    • I did not make the mistake of ending up as a single father, so I do not prefer single mothers. The only exception is perhaps if she was raped, and ended up pregnant without her consent.

    • I couldn't do that, in my opinion. that's paying an emotional debt you didn't cause.

What Guys Said 16

  • Online Dating is for you especially the sites that you can CHOOSE only women who don't have kids or want kids in the future. Online Dating is good for stuff like this because you don't have to worry about getting matches with credentials you don't want!

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    • Online dating does not work for men unless they are hot and white. I am neither hot nor white! 😛

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    • Sure I will. Thanks! I do have decent education and earn reasonably well, hopefully that should tilt the scales in my favour.

    • I wouldn't use the word Brown anymore... you're much more then just a color... and you have an eclectic cultural background that I know people are attracted too! Good luck!

  • You'll be very hard pressed to find a woman with no kids. If you did find one then in my experience she'll be a very selfish woman in personality

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    • Well... I can't really compromise on this, so maybe I should just keep trying and hoping.

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    • Are you serious? What about women who can't have kids due to medical problems? You think they're selfish too?

    • @LondonNewYork no they're not but they're very few

  • In your age range, the single mothers tend to be the former carousel riders who have hit the wall and had the epiphany that the bad boys were not husband material. It takes most women until they are about 30 to have that flash of the bleeding obvious.
    Unless she is, for example, a widow, the children will be the Mini Me versions of Harley MacBadBoy, Ivor Necktattoo, Chad Thundercock, or some other version of the bad boy who made her tingle in the crotch when she was 20.
    From about the age of 30 I seemed to have a target on my back, when it came to such women who were looking for someone who could support them and the offspring of their bad boys.
    My interest level was and remains less than zero.
    If I was not 'fun' or 'exciting' enough for her when she and I were 20, I am sure as hell not going to be a cuckold now and invest my resources in raising the bastard spawn of sundry bad boys.

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    • Damn, this is so sad. 😔

    • @Asker
      Divorce is an even bigger red flag.
      She has already fucked over and asset stripped one man in the Family Court. The economic predator is lining you up as her next target.

  • you are being totally stupid.

    You are at the age where if you are picky you can end up being single until you are 40. By the time you are 40 every single woman you meet within your age range will be so set in their ways you'll want to throw up.
    The shitty part about YOUR age is if you strive to become better such as being more attractive and dressing nice then women your age call you immature but if you strive to be more professional then they say you are boring.

    I would try looking for someone without kids but after a few months you should consider scrapping this thing or learn to be alone.

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  • There are women with no kids in that age range , but it is however extremely rare.

    Till this day , I never met a pretty woman in her 30's with no kids. Maybe it's just me , but just speaking the truth.

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  • In my experience most women worth marrying are married by age 25 (not saying they aren't out there). There are tons of divorced women and women with children after that age. I'm 26 and seem to attract mostly divorced women in their 30's. Sadly, a lot of the ones I have met are damaged goods from their failed marriages and aren't marriage material. Don't rush into anything. Just enjoy being a bachelor, and the right one may come along. Mature women value mature men, so you could still end up finding a gem.

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    • I hope I find somone. Thanks! 😊

  • No it's not unreasonable at all. In my experience there are TONS!!! of single women without kids in their 30's, there is zero need to consider date a woman with children.

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    • Wow, your answer seems to be stark contrast to most others'. Just hope you are right!

    • yeah maybe it's just the "circle" of people I know.. I'm not familiar with any stats on the subject or anything.

  • There are plenty of women in their early 20s who don't have kids, and many of them would love to find a guy in his early 30s to marry and have them with.

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    • These girls are too young for me, and they will probably be looking for guys below 30.

    • My girlfriend is 20.

      I have known many women from 19 to early 20s who refuse to date anyone less than 30.

    • Yes young is good but risk high as well. Emotional little fairy's can be tamed only when planing family.

  • No, just realize that it's going to limit your dating possibilities even more. Everyone has preferences.

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  • Good on you for having standards. Avoid single mothers like the plague. Unfortunately, there's not many such women in that age group without kids.

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  • no it's not I know lots without kids at our age

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  • I wouldn't want to date anyone with kids either

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  • Yes it is, you might have to aim for the 18-22 crowd

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    • Damn, that will make me feel like a paedo!

  • It's not unreasonable to desire this. Raising a child that isn't yours is
    a fool's errand.

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  • Most professional women I know didn't get married till post 30. Should be masses of single late 20e women with no kids.

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  • It's not unreasonable but it is harder to find

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    • I guessed so. 😔

    • Could always try foreign women but they will be younger, the ones that don't have kids near your age are probably so independent and don't want a relationship or kids

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