Would you date someone who was still living with their ex for financial reasons only?

This is a fairly common situation among people who are divorced or want to divorce. One or both parties can't afford their own household, so the couple stays together living separate lives in the same house.

I met one guy who said that although he was divorced, his ex-wife and children had recently moved back in with him. He explained that they had been living with her parents (she was a beautician and didn't make much money) but things weren't working out and he didn't want his kids in that stressful situation. He said he worked nights at a hospital and she worked days so they barely even saw each other.

Another guy said that he's been separated for over a year, but he didn't want to divorce his wife because she had some health problems and he didn't want her to lose her insurance through his nob. She had a chronic condition like MS, I think, that required care she could not afford on her own.

While I respect both of these men for doing the right thing, at the same time it does add an extra layer of complexity. Yet it's becoming so common that it would drastically reduce one's options to rule them out.

What do you think?

Updates:
"Job" not "nob". Jeez

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I don't think that arrangement is so common that listing it as a deal breaker would seriously restrict the pool of candidates. For me, still living together = still tied to another person.

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    • Perhaps not for boomers but for GenX it's really common, I've found. Most couple are in too much debt to be able to split.

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    • Yeah well they would either not be getting divorced for insurance reasons, or they move back in together after the divorce so you probably wouldn't see it.

      It also depends on the state you live in. In NJ (where I am) a couple must maintain separate residences to be legally separated prior to divorce but in some states that's not the case.

      When my ex and I split, I let him live with us for a full year before starting divorce proceedings so he could get on his feet financially.

    • But yes, it's a good poll topic. you're right.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Hell No! This makes you the side chick... like really...

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What Guys Said 18

  • world is full of wonderful people why do u wanna hang yourself in a situation where u find one big happy family and become it's newest edition? things would be complicated and you would suffer the most! step out of the influence of their goodness and think, put some logic in your decision

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    • The point is they're not a big family. They're struggling financially but definitely do not want to be together. It's a polite arrangement for the sake of the kids.

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    • I was being sarcastic!!! and pie u deserve normal don't find someone complicated! I know u have a good heart but girl u must understand that certain things have a very less probability of working out!

    • Not too many options, but thanks for the encouragement!

  • Yes that's understandable as long as the the two are mature about her/him seeing others... and it's not dramatic or awkward

    If they are cool as ice.. then yes. It makes sense BUT id hope and assume she woud want to 'work' towards getting out and Id like to see that before making any commitments

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    • Yeah, totally. I'm just taking about even considering a first date.

    • A first date. Yes that's ok. I've seen that happen way more than once. And the situation has luckily been pleasant for me everytime except maybe Once or twice when her soon to be ex husband still wanted her back

    • That's good to know. My friends all said not to go near the guy but I thought he was really nice

  • The only issue I'd have? You're potentially the next meal ticket, or a refuge from the current situation.. Maybe not the best option, just another one.

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  • I have. It lasted about 6 weeks. I know now why he didn't care if I dated her. She was such a controlling bitch. I broke it off the week she got her own place. She also got fired the same day.

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  • I would date a girl who is living with her parents, but never a girl who is living with her ex.

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  • Nope, wouldn't touch that situation. Sounds rather messy. Then again, that's most situations in the dating game.

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  • No. If I were dating them, then it makes no sense for them to stay with their ex.

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  • U are kidding right? Lol hell no.

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    • Nope, completely serious. Lots of people are so screwed in this economy they can't have the lives they want, especially if children are involved.

  • If you are with your ex then its a no. Other than seeing your ex as in co parenting but living separately and being able to date others then you are not at the point of dating. Luckily I am in a happy relationship with my girlfriend.

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  • He'll no he Fucking her too.

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    • Not necessarily

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    • Not judging you placing myself in his position and knowing what would happen if it was me. Ide still want you.

    • Ide feel maybe If I Fuck her harder longer maybe we can get back to the Magic we on ebay had. If you were not receptive I would move quickly.

  • You're funny. No, I would not

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  • Nope.

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  • Do maybe, not date.

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  • Noooooooooo

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  • no. deal breaker.

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  • If it's not BS, yes.

    And not BS means they sleep in separate parts of the house, and when I come by I can be introduced as someone they're dating.

    I -have- known people who are living like this, so it can be legitimate. But you want to be careful that it's not a line you're being fed and actually they're just in a rough patch and their spouse thinks they're going to patch things up.

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  • Nope... nada... not me!

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What Girls Said 3

  • My girlfriend is currently in this position... they don't have kids but he is still living in her house because he isn't in a financial position to get his own just yet and it helps her out financially for a bit longer. They're just housemates and have separate rooms - no affection or sexual tension and they're ok with this arrangement but I have to say 95% of the guys she's dated have not been ok with it and I can understand that

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  • Nope. The first rule to move on is to get away from your ex.

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    • Yeah but what if he's being a good father by letting them stay with him?

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    • But that's pretty rough on someone who's been waiting for things to resolve for a long time. Basically, they can't have a life of their own until their kids are grown or their ex remarries. I get your point, though.

    • Nobody said having children was easy. It comes with a lot of responsibilities and sacrifice.

  • Lol, no.

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