Can I redeem myself after being needy/emotional?

So I was seeing this guy for about a month and a half. I'm 23, he's 28. I really like this guy... he meets every requirement of my secret checklist. I've actually been attracted to him for over a year. We see each other around a lot at social events and have lots of mutual friends, specifically my close friend dates his close friend. Either way, we were moving very slow (annoying for me, but he just got out of something that hurt him). We've hung out in group settings a few times where he'd pick up the tab for whatever I ordered, and two one-on-one dates, one of which was a very nice dinner. Recently, I was having champagne brunch with my best friend and her man (his friend) and he obviously came up in the conversation. His friend essentially told me that the guy I've been seeing has been lying to me about some things and poked fun at me calling me gullible (his friend, not him). Naturally, I was upset. After several mimosas later, the three of us went to a party where the guy I like showed up to. He gave me a kiss in front of a lot of people we knew (this shocked me) and bought me a drink (without me asking, he comes up to me with my favorite drink) and apologized. When we left the party (without my crush) I was now with two of his friends who pretty much told me I was making myself look desperate because I talk about him too much. I was pretty drunk so I started crying. His friend texted him and told him I was crying so he called me. The conversation ended with him saying he hates arguing and then he hung up. I texted him and told him I just wanted to be "distant friends" the next day we spoke and I told him I didn't mean it and he said, "we will just remain friends"... I unfollowed him on all social media the night before but that day he went and unliked ALL of my Instagram photos. It's been three days and we haven't spoken. Is there any coming back from that? Asking because I really saw quality in this guy, which is so rare.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm not surprised you got upset, being told he'd been lying to you. It's a strange thing for a friend to admit to. To be honest, I'd just wait to see if he contacts you. You felt you acted too needy so restrain yourself from contacting him, to show you're not. It was immature if his to unlike all your photo's. Just bide your time to see what happens, but I would never contact him first

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    • Thanks for the MHO ❤

    • Him**

What Guys Said 5

  • I've read a few of the comments and I am saddened at how men can act. It sounded like you were having a pretty good time with each other (having a secret checklist I think all women should have) unfortunately the majority of guys their checklist is breasts and ass XD) what seems to of gotten in your way was what your bfs friend had said behind his back thats not cool. I wouldn't say its desperate to talk about the person you love thats natural and in fact women do this, now guys on the orher hand it can drive them nuts cause they aren't as interested hearing about their friends lover over and over. Seems like his "friends" like to talk about him in a negative light when he's not around (and it maybe true) but thats something you two need to discuss. Its one thing to for him to lie to you its another to hear about it from his friends. Also male friends like to start shit. For all you know they can be spreading lies about you as well.

    He may of been lying to this is possible or maybe he likes to stir up trouble. When couples fight they need time to cool down and it seems you have cooled down. Try talking to him again you know be honest tell him what happened and ask for his side of the story. There are two sides to every story (3 if you consider the whole truth like a puzzle) its better if you talk to him less you regret it for the rest of your life.

    You two had a fight, this is natural, now its time to patch things up get out the duct tape and be honest. Hope this helps.

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  • every requirement of your checklist?

    damn, women are shallow...

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  • Honestly this is such dramatic bullshit. High quality men don't need to put up with this so I don't. Lame him for staying away. You need to become more emotionally mature if you want to attract a decent man.

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  • Just reading this made me want to ditch you... and I'm not even dating you...

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  • Everyone involved in this seems overly emotional. You, his friends, him. God.

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What Girls Said 14

  • What was he lying to you about? And did he admit to lying about any of these things? Jeez reading through your story made me get upset and embarssed for you ! I'm. sorry that all sounds like a really bad night , but why did he get mad when you were crying and hang up on you? I think he definitely played a big part in this but you're putting all the blame on yourself for acting like a typical emotional drunk person , which has happened to most of us. do you think his friends were right and that he didn't have such strong feelings for you?

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  • what a mess is all i can say.

    if you want to try coming back from it, give it a few days... then apologize for overreacting. you can even approach it in a humorous way ("if i ever get that drunk again, i'm giving you permission to throw my drink in my face"); hopefully your honesty and humorous approach will convince him to give you another shot.

    good luck!

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  • Nah he didn't seem as invested as you in the first place. Personally when I get like this, feeling emotionally out of control, I go for a good while single until I feel confident and remember I'm an amazing gal with or without a man. That way, when a guy I like comes along, I am not constantly worrying if he likes me or if I'm screwing it up. Don't like me? Here's the door, don't have to stay. Fortunately as I've continued to grow in confidence I've met my love and I can't feel secure in that. Although if things ended sour, I know now I will be okay, because with or without him I am a fun good person. :) My advice is to let it go. If it turns a happier corner great, but don't kill yourself chasing and worrying

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  • I would wait. a while. don't talk about him. maybe date someone new n talk about new guy often so u can play it off like I didn't get like that over him specifically, ur jus like that when u like someone in general.

    maybe over time he'll come around again n show interest. u don't have to worry about him being too shy to make a move cus he seems fine in showing u interest b4, u jus have to get his interest back.

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  • Your really dumb. Why would you take him off your social media if you like him? you broke up with him - not him with you.

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  • You probably can't come back from it. When a guy starts to think you're crazy/overly emotional.. the smart ones run. Because girls like that can turn out to be nothing but trouble. Just learn from it and move on. It's not fair to yourself or him to push it.

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  • Jesus thats messy.
    Id have to agree... grow up a little (everyone in this) Coming off that over the top is gonna scare anyone off.

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  • You have nothing to lose if you still want to be with him, tell him you was drunk at the time and tell him this isn't your usual behaviour, and say I know that it might take time for him to forgive you, but you would like another chance, and none of this behaviour will happen again, was in a smiliar situation, If you need to talk pm me!

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  • How often did you speak to him before this incident?

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    • Everyday for the most part

    • That's a bummer. I would apologize for the dramatic behavior and let him know it was alcohol fueled not the norm.

  • I'm just so glad I'm old and don't have to deal with this kind of drama. I'm sorry, honey. I have no advice, but it's totally sad and confusing.

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  • too much drama

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  • So much drama man

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  • Get rid of that idiot. He isn't worth your time. Whatever you saw in him is really not there. He doesn't give a single fuck how you feel and that's how you should see it too. Find someone that really cares for you and is not taking first of trash behind your back and also doesn't get annoyed with you.

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  • He probably acted that way because he was still affected by his last relationship and so you telling him that you wanted to be distant friends is like a big rejection to him. Since he doesn't know what he did to deserve that kind of treatment. I don't know if you can save your relationship with him now honestly but I think you should try to move on if he's not willing to get back with you. You can apologize as much as you want but if he's no longer willing to then you can't do much about it anymore. Sorry that happened to you

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