Do guys have crushes on girls for years and not really do anything about it?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • From a relationship coaching lens, I'd say emphatically yes. It stems from a few things.

    Lack of confidence
    Fear of rejection
    Being involved with someone else

    This is guys and girls.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Sometimes, they do.

    That's why I'm not afraid of making the first move. You miss out on great opportunities if you just sit back and wait.

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What Guys Said 50

  • Absolutely:

    1. Self-confidence. We may decide that you're "out of our league", rather than letting you decide that for yourself.

    2. Self-worth. We may put you on such a high pedestal that we don't feel worthy of you.

    3. Fear of rejection. We may never tell you about our feelings: you cannot tell us "no", so there is still hope.

    4. "The friendship". We may not want you to cut off our friendship if we confess that it has been a false pretense.

    5. "It's complicated". We may develop the crush while you are "off limits" - married, have boyfriend, etc. The taboo makes you even more desirable.

    There was a girl I knew.. er, crushed on for years.. in college. I knew her and her circle well enough to know that there were two others who felt the same way. One night, leaving her house, staring up at her bedroom window, I noticed one of the other two, arriving, starting up at her bedroom window.

    Our eyes met. We both knew exactly how the other felt. The exchange was as simple and laconic as it gets:

    "You too?"

    "Yup."

    Nods exchanged, both stare longingly at the window for another moment, before one trudges away and the other trudges towards her door.

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  • This girl is my neighbors' daughter and I love her since I was 10. We basically grew up together. We made mudcakes, play family, doctors, fight, not talk for days, then make up and say sorry... As much as it hurts me to say, she grew up to be so beautiful, and I'm so fucking unattractive. On top of that, she knows that my family has always been financially unstable, so instead of going to college, I'm working, and I'm earning so little, I basically have nothing to offer her. On top of all that I'm introverted, and have troubles expressing myself. Now, many of you would say just tell her, and if she rejects you move on but it's not that simple. She has a so important role in my life, I'm afraid that if I tell her she might want to stay away and avoid me, so I wouldn't dare risk telling her... I try to tell her in very subtle ways, like I make a lot of eye contact, and talk a bit flirty, and trying to make her laugh but either she doesn't get it or doesn't really wanna go to the next level... I crushing her for more than 10 years now and it hurts me everytime I go to sleep but I can't do anything else but givebreally small signals...

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  • Yes. Despite all the talk of equality, we are still expected to do the approaching, the asking and paying for dates. IF we don't act, chances are nothing will happen. I'm not a rich man and a woman has always been a luxury I could never afford even if I were lucky to get a "yes." Most of the time I crush on a women, I never act because I never crush on woman below my intellect and always above my pay grade.

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    • Sounds like you have a bad attitude. My last girlfriend was a manager at the hotel I worked at while I was a lowly valet.

    • He's also 42. You're 26. Do you suppose that might make a difference?

    • @oldbaldguy probably and I was 25 at the time lol got better job now

  • All the time. I had a crush on a girl all through high school and never really did anything about it. I just saw myself as not good enough and not ready to take her on because I thought she needed to be treated better than what I could provide.

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  • Some times often it is cause a guy does not want to lose his close friend by telling her. I have never kept a female friend that I tried to date. Girls just can't seem to go back to being friends after being told that I like them.

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  • Yes. I only approach women who I am attracted to, who show some kind of interest, and are otherwise unattached. Perhaps I am too forward thinking, but if women still want to abandon all feminism and leave it up to men to take on all of the risk of rejection, they have to show some kind of interest first.

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    • Don't women do the same thing?

    • they do ahaha for me i think if guy has interest in me he would at least gice some signs don't need to do all but still if he doesn't i consider him that he's not interested :)

  • YES! i have a crush on a good friend but can't make a move because I am worried id lose my best friend if it doesn't work out. Like I think of having sex with her all the time. But i dont think she's what i need for a relationship. she's very innocent and sensative. So i am afraid to make a move and hurt her.

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    • Aren't you 29? If she is your best friend and you can imagine spending the rest of your life with her you should ask her. I'm only 19 but I understand that time is ticking. We only have so long to love and live. Go get her.

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    • @Brick_ it is. And this chic is not like a big huge crush. Just an option. Thanks!

    • No problem!

  • That's more often a girl thing. I used to do that while I was younger but I give up if she is a waste of time

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  • Nope... thats girls. And you are doing it right now.

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    • What do you mean? Haha

    • Means that you are asking this question but you have someone you are crushing on but rather than do anything you ask the question.
      Make a move darling. you never know till you make a move. Asking us won't make your dreamboat guy any closer to you...

  • well i had a crush on one such girl in 9th grade.. she's married n having two cute kids.. lolz..

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  • I did in high school. Had a crush on her from grade 9 to 12. I eventually got expelled half way through grade 12 and never saw her again. Looking back, I don't regret not acting on that crush. I was called a bully and I would have been rejected for sure. Maybe if she met me how I am now I would be more confident but I'm over her and learned crushes aren't worth keeping in your heart.

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  • Yep, every crush, due to shyness and lack of a decent job. Plus being an odd person in the social realm

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  • Yup. I think this current one / gal is going on about a year. Haven't said even a "hi" to her yet and I see her just about every week.

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  • Sometimes. I never make the first move anymore, so if she doesn't I assume she's not interested and nothing ever happens (an accurate rule of thumb that's been tested for over 75 years in my case), even if I'm crushing on her. Eventually I get over it (well, most of the time, though some I haven't seen in 80+ years, probably dead by now).

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  • I may have had a crush for two or three years. Usually they don't last so long, though. And I don't do anything about the vast majority of my crushes.

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  • Well I mean I move on, but no reason why I wouldn't still be attracted to her if I saw her a few years later.

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  • Yes. I have made this unfortunate mistake before.

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  • Yeah, I mean I try to hint it, and they just never get it. I'm terrified of rejection, what if they don't like me back? It could be awkward...

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  • Yeah, There were girls I knew in high school, and even after high school, that I would have loved to talk to and be with, but I was too chicken to do anything about it. I look back on it now, and think about what a dumbshit I was.

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  • Sure, that's me right there

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  • Do girls?

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  • I have before, but that was in like high school and I was part of he nerd crowd and there was no way it was going to happen so I kept my mouth shut. It wouldn't happen to me now that I'm older unless the girl was attached.

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  • I have personally.

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  • rarely we usually do something to find out
    if not then we move on quick i gotta say most of the time

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  • I wish i could say this wasn't true. But it is. Especially when you are a young boy..

    I was 11 years old..
    And her ass was phat..

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    • Haha, but do you still have a crush on that same girl?

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    • Haha thanks, maybe I will in the near future :P

    • Alright 😁

  • No, they don't. Unless they're sure she would never respond in kind.

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  • Yeah cause I am a fucking pussy.

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  • I have, but sometimes it's not that simple. There are some circumstance that caused me not able to do anything

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  • <<<<<<this guy definitely. But I consider any woman that's cute, attractive etc out of my league cause I'm average looking.

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  • Yes , unfortunately i do get crushes on girls and end up with not doing anything about it.

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  • More from Guys
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What Girls Said 9

  • The longest I liked a guy without doing anything about it was 2 years but he knew I liked him so in a way I DID do something about it - I didn't tell him I liked him but it was obvious from how nervous I was when I was around him

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  • Yeah it happened to me. I had a crush on some guy and he had a crush on me. It was obvious to both sides but we never did anything about. We never even talked lol. That lasted for 3 years if not more.

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  • yes , this one guy was in love with me and told me years later what he was feeling , i didn't had the same feelings, so it was really bad for him, he kind of wasted his time...

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    • He probably understood that for all of those years. That's why he didn't say anything. Or, at least, that would be why I wouldn't say anything.

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    • Are you really guessing? If you are, how do you know I am not right? PS I am just guessing. :)

    • @brain5000 haha okee yeah you might be right , i don't really know 'cause he never told me that

  • some are really too shy to tell it

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  • Yes. The boy I lost my virginity too that I had a secret crush on but thought he was only interested in sex told me 3 years later that I was his first too and that he was in love with me. I'm like, really? Now you tell me?

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  • Yea a few people 2 acted on it, one succeeded the others knew I didn't like them

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  • Yeah that could happen because of certain soceital and personal circumstances!

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  • why are you so surprised? also crushing could mean its only an appearence thing. if she is rotten inside why should he commit such a self destructing move?

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  • Yes. I met this guy two years ago and he JUST asked me out on a date and told me how he always had a crush on me. I had a feeling he liked me based on how he'd look at me & go out of his way to talk to me but because he never made a move I thought he didn't like me in that way.

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    • Instincts are almost always accurate. I used to poke fun at a girl in middle school. it wasn't until years later in high school that i realized I liked her.

      On the other hand I've felt that a girl has liked me only to be told years later that the did.

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    • No. We went to different schools but grew up to be friendly acquaintances. haven't seen her in 10 years.

      Another girl who is a friend that im afraid to date is a co worker. in college we admitted having feelings. 6 years later here we are. I still have attractions but I realize she's a mirror of the person I tried to grow up from. she's innocent, insecure, fragile. I need a woman whos loyal but tougher with... more sexy appeal. Curvy and not just slim and tiny. But my emotional connection is still there. Just afraid to hurt her with just a physical curiousity. :(

    • @Apope16 Hmm I see. I would say still give it a try but since u said u don't want to hurt her & so on, maybe it's best that u guys remain friends.

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