Why do men see multiple women and lie about it?

I just "officially" found out that this guy I have been seeing for the past couple of months has been seeing a bunch of other women at the same time as me. I say officially because I had my suspicions from the beginning.

Essentially, to cut this super, super long story down to a sentence, we were going through pictures on his phone together and something glitched and up popped a literal album full of selfies from girls this dude was seeing. I kid you not. An ALBUM.

Truthfully, I would be 100% fine with him seeing other women at the same time as me IF he told me that what we were was casual. BUT my issue is that he has told me from the beginning "you're the only girl I'm seeing right now, I really like you, I'm ready for something serious with you".

There was a time when we kept trying to see each other and something a l w a y s came up on his end. I felt some type of way about that, as I think anyone would, because I felt like my time was being wasted. So, I started to pull away. Immediately he's like "please don't do that, I've just been really busy. Once the holidays are over (this was back during Christmas time) things will be better. Please wait for me, I really like you and want to continue to grow with you. I don't want to lose you." So that's what I did. I "waited" for him. For what exactly? DISAPPOINTMENT. Now I find out he's been talking to so many other women at the same time as me.

So my question is, why? What is the point of making me feel like I'm "special" when I'm really not? Why tell me to wait? Why not let me go? I really don't understand this at all. I've experienced the whole "having multiple women and you're kind of indifferent to all of them" thing (not that that's great either) BUT why lead someone on like that so hard? What is the appeal of that?


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What Guys Said 2

  • maybe he wanted to reduce the chances of rejection among women. like if he was pursuing only you and you rejected him then he would have to start again. so after dating 5 (for example ) women at the same time , if 1 accepts him then his efforts would be successful.

    however, if more than 1 women accepts him , then he would have the power to choose and continue.
    this is simply done by people who aren't confident about themselves so this is a fail safe strategy.

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  • It's a challenge.

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What Girls Said 1

  • This has happened to me with my last two boyfriends. We get real close and have a good relationship but then I do find out both have been talking to other girls online. Had their pics, conversations and knows others he sees personally.

    Was also very attentive to me and spent a lot of time with me doing things; taking care of me etc. guys like to have options, not give up that desire to keep that sexual desire and flirtations with attractive girls no matter how good a relationship is, it will alway happen and he can't just drop his attractions to other girls. Even if he's serious with you.

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