I don't understand why thinking about the future decides whether a person dates you or not?
There was a girl I liked and wanted to date, I felt a connection to her and we seemed to click, but were friends at the time. I mentioned my feelings about her and long story short I got rejected. She knew about some things I'm going through in life like not working for medical reasons and seemed to sympathize, but then told me I don't have a life plan and so it won't work, dating will just be another problem in my life.
I was pretty upset at her to use my life struggles against me and it seemed everything I told her opening up she wasn't really caring about me if she ended up hurting my feelings now.
Do younger people (like 13-14) care if the person they like is working or has a life plan, I doubt it. Do friends care about a life plan, no.
So why should that matter if what's really important is that you click with one another and date because you enjoy each other's company and bring out the best in one another. I didn't think dating was based on "what ifs" in life.
If it was then I should ask a girl "well how many kids do you plan on having", before I consider dating her. If that seems weird, then you know how I feel being told not having a life plan means nobody wants to date me. It's not fair to pressure someone like that.
to get married and be a Dad, have a place to live in, and I know what kind of jobs I could do but it's complicated right now why I can't work, part is to not lose health insurance and disability benefits I get. How do I explain that to a girl?
Most Helpful Girl
Planning for your future can be pretty important - if you don't see things working out in the long run, sometimes it's better to just not get involved. However, if you truly liked someone to the fullest extent, you'd take the chance and MAKE IT work if you could. Even in that scenario though, if things don't work out, then it'll all crash and burn eventually.1
Most Helpful Guy
From a relationship coaching lens, let me give you some perspectives to think about:
1) People have needs and two of the most common needs are 'ambition' and 'quality of life'. People associate these two needs with goals, life plans, etc. In this, they surmise that someone with no/limited life goals and plans has little to no ambition. Then they forecast their future from a quality of life perspective and it seems dim, at best.
2) You asked a good question: Why should 'that' matter if what's really important is that you click with one another and... enjoy each other's company and bring out the best in one another'. For a lot of people, bringing out the best in one another requires pushing each other to achieve goals, challenging each other, and these people will equate someone with little/no life plan as someone that they cannot push or challenge. As well, it's not uncommon to associate a lack of a life plan with laziness, misguidedness, complacency, etc. and those are not generally traits that would make it easy for someone to click with someone else.
What all of this means is that dating is dating but relationship building is dating plus planning a future together. If someone does not/cannot see a future because their partner seems to lack direction and focus, it will be hard for them to want to stay with that partner.
Probably an overlong answer but I wanted to give you the full picture.3
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