Not attracted on first date?

I went on a first date with a great guy. We spent hours at a restaurant talking and laughing and we had a great time together. The thing is I wasn't attracted to him to the point to where I would say I'm attracted to him (if that makes any sense). I wasn't UNattracted to him... I was more indifferent. It felt like I was hanging out with a friend. We want to see each other again. I'm nervous that my attraction for him won't increase because I would like to make this work. He's a great guy. Do you have any advice? I would like our second date to be something where I could see how I feel being closer to him. Like maybe a movie where I can see what it would feel like to rest my head on his shoulder or hold his hand. I would like to see if physical touch from him makes me uncomfortable or turns me on. Then I would know if I'm attracted to him. Any ideas for date ideas that would help with that? Don't tell me to hook up with him.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I know this girl who's a little stuck up. You ever watch the Fresh Prince of Bell-Air? She's a little like Hillary.

    She's very into this guy who she knows people expect her to see him as beneath her. This guy who gets girls left and right and looks great, he flirts around, he's a little messy. He doesn't care about school and stuff. It's hard to explain, but he's just not the guy who fits the traditional "husband material" guy.

    But he has a soft spot for her and he understands her better than anyone else. And even though she would never admit it to anyone, including herself, she feels comfortable and accepted around him. She probably even relates to him.

    Well just when she was about to give in she started dating some other guy. He had a good job even though he was in school, he got great grades and all the other bullshit your supposed to care about. But this girl wasn't happy with this dude. I mean you look at her smiling around him and you can see she's trying to hard not just to look happy, but to be happy. To convince people she was happy with this guy. She had a lot of people sold, but I don't think she ever got herself to believe it.

    I imagine that girl felt really similar to you while she was dating that guy.

    Sometimes we have a hard time knowing what we want because we don't understand what we want. Give this guy a chance, but you gotta ask yourself what it is you really want out of a guy and be careful the answer is what you want and not what you were told you should want.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • yeah a movie at one of your homes where you can be comfortable on a sofa could work. Maybe offer to cook dinner? I think its important to not put pressures on yourself to TRY and like or be attracted to someone. You just have to let it flow and be honest with yourself and him about your feelings. Don't be worried that you were indifferent on the first date either.

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    • Thanks! I would rather go to a theatre for the second date. I think it is less pressure when it is in public. I am not ready to meet his family.

    • Oh right. He lives at home. Sorry. Good luck. Hope you can figure out your feelings. ๐Ÿ’Ÿ

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 16

  • My advice is that maybe your attraction will grow the more you two are together and dating? My friends wife said that she did not feel attraction for him for a first few dates but as she got to know him and learned what a great guy he was she got more attracted to him and that grow into her love for him.
    I know that feeling it is like your just hanging out with your friend at a restaurant and it is not much different from just grabbing lunch with him. I did a few dates like that and I probably wiill do again. My best friend told me that she has had a crush on me for years after my ex girlfriend broke up with me. I'm going to try a few dates to see how it goes.
    It makes sense you want to feel more than your feeling for him. Try cuddling with him see how that makes you feel. Not like spooning cuddling but just hold each other maybe during a movie. You sound like you know how great he is for you and you want it all. So just keep going for it and I think that the attraction will be there. I don't think that you will get any more sexually attracted for a while but you will get more emotionally attracted to him.
    So what is your two's story? How did you two end up dating?

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    • Thank you! Yeah I would love for it to work out. We have great conversations and we have so much in common. We can make each other laugh. We met on a dating app actually

    • Sounds great thanks for sharing. Keep trying if he is a great guy then he is worth the effort.

  • You have to focus on his personality... when you really feel this click you'll take his appearance and other things as they are :D
    Give it some time, and stay in touch / dating. If it has to fail it will, but when you invest in it you're doing what you can :D

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  • Would you want him to go on a second date with you if he didn't find you attractive? I'm not trying to be rude but why not find a guy you're attracted to?

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    • I understand what you're saying but I'm not unattracted to him. I'm just not sure if I'm attracted to him (yet or at all).

    • I am attracted to his personality. That is what is drawing me toward him

    • Maybe that's enough for you. I would personally only want to date a girl that's attracted. I have a feeling you've had a difficult time dating or quickly getting into a relationship is a priority.

  • Play it by heart , if there's no attraction yet you like each other then at least you've both made a new friend.

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  • Apart from the already proposed movies, perhaps something cheesy like a picnic?

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  • You know there is a female coworker girl where I work and when I first saw her, she did not look attractive to me. Ugly is a too strong word for that.
    After some time passed I developed some feelings for her and her sweet character. Looks at this point did not matter much to me.

    But I had to get over her because she is taken.

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  • Don't let him spend money on you if you aren't attracted to him.

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    • He is a gentleman and insists on paying. He paid for dinner. And what am I supposed to say? "I'm not sure how I feel about this so let me pay?"

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    • @ImACowgirl the weather isn't nice enough for that now

    • Ok well work with whT you got and continue to date him until you know for sure he isn't for you.

  • if there is no initial attraction then there is no point in trying to make something exist that isn't there. I would just tell him how you feel and move on to seeing other guys. That doesn't mean you can't be friends still and hang out, but it would be worse to lead him on and then come to the conclusion later when he's more attached to you.

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    • But he's a great guy. I don't want to let him go and not try. I *want* to be attracted to him

    • I completely understand, I have been in a few relationships where I wanted to be attracted to them because they were fantastic people but I just wasn't. attraction builds on attraction, if their isn't anything to build off of you just end up in an unsure relationship. I'd say go for your movie idea and give it a shot, but don't forget that nice guys get attached

  • Don't rush, first ask yourself if you're willing to be with someone you're not 100% attracted to. If you are, proceed. I don't think that in this case new things will turn you on since attraction is already limited.

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    • Well I didn't say was going to be his girlfriend yet. I have to know if there is growing attraction for him. And what do you mean "new things"?

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    • Well I just wanted to try to get used to him a little more in a different environment.

    • You can try it, but I'm not sure if it will help attraction much.

  • What is the difference between a friend and a boyfriend?

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    • You would (ideally) not be attracted to your friends. You would sleep with your boyfriend.

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    • @falafelany1 - can a friend become your bf?

    • @singlebee yes

  • How about ice or roller skating?

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  • You friendzoned him or like you said your just indifferent it can happen.

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  • either u like him or no

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  • How do you feel?

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  • I wish I were him
    So id be all sweet to get you
    :) :) :-D

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  • I bet there was no flirting, he was polite and didn't tease you or push any conversational boundaries, and I bet you did not attempt to touch him, did not flirt and there was ZERO sexual innuendo or undercurrent of anything beyond friendly thoughts.

    Why are you in such a hurry anyway?

    I bet you have no idea how to flirt either. I'm right aren't I...

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    • Well we were sitting across from each other at a big table so I couldn't really do much. We hugged hello and goodbye. I guess he teased me a little I don't know. He was very polite but he definitely likes me. I'm not in a hurry. That is why I'm not rushing into anything.

What Girls Said 9

  • I would suggest to have more dates with him. Maybe you won't feel that attraction towards him during the second date? (who knows).

    I would think you'd get a better idea if you had several dates with him. Maybe you could go ice skating? Ten pin bowling? Mini golf? Movies?

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  • I think the movie idea is a good one.

    But for other ideas, think maybe more physical activities. Like a walk in the park (great for holding hands and talking) or maybe bowling (nothing tells you more about a man than watching him compete). Mini-golf is good too, it isn't as demanding as bowling, and he can help you put the ball (more physical contact) :)

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  • Yes, you should go with him to the movies. It would be a way of getting close to him. You could also try to meet him earlier and ask him some questions. Maybe you would be attracted to his personality too.

    I'm not sure if this helps.

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    • I am already attracted to his personality.

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    • You're welcome!

  • I think a movie would be great like at home and a theater cuz that way you can sit closer. Also anywhere private and intimate will work. Like maybe a stroll through the park so you can hold his arm or like a mini golf course or something so he can show you how to do it. Maybe shooting even.
    I think you might just need some more dates to feel it. You have just started

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    • For a second date I would rather a theatre over our houses because it is less pressure in public and I am not ready to meet his family.

    • Oh ok. Do the theater than. You can also look for an outdoor theater but I'm not sure if you have any.

    • Nah we don't have any around me

  • you sound a lot like me.
    go for drinks with him
    dance and flirt with him and see if he can turn you on with your guards slightly down

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    • Great idea but I'm not legal to drink in the US and we hate dancing lol

    • pishhh XD
      go for a walk with him somewhere

    • you can try to hold his hand
      or put his hand around your shoulders etc etc...

  • All great relationships start with friendships.
    You're suppose to feel comfortable.

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    • Thanks! Yes I did feel very comfortable. I'm just confused because normally when I like a guy I have butterflies and I'm nervous around him but I didn't have that with him.

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    • That's true. This is the first time someone likes me who I am not repulsed by.

    • Don't make up your mind right away give it a shot

  • Mini golf, bowling, pool... don't tap out because you are not fully initially attracted to him because you may just be dealing with your own inner doubt.

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    • Unofrtunately it is too cold here for mini golf. How do those activities involve physical touch and closeness? They are good ideas though

    • Sometimes it's how much fun you can have together at first. Bohleen you can give each other high-fives and start off with minor interactions. Usually in a lot of places there maybe something like indoor mini golf. Or you could totally be sneaky and go ice-skating or roller skating that way you guys have to help each other if you're not that good at it.

  • It's only been 1 date. Slow down, relax and actually get to know him. Don't hook up with him but also pay for yourself so you don't appear to be using him or leading him to think you owe him sex. It's easy just say you'd like separate checks when you order OR you pay for everything the next time you go out.

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    • He is a gentleman and insisted on paying form the first date. He knows I'm not the hook up type and he isn't either. I'm not worried about him thinking I owe him sex. I have no problem paying for myself but I don't think he would let me

  • We're in the same boat. I agreed to date this guy for months. I thought the same things, he's a good catch. Like legit rare good guy and i like to work it out also. However, i just am not attracted to him. I don't want to force coz now, it has slowed down what more if we're together. J li think it would be unfair for him to continue. You could try it out where it'll lead but it has a really really small chance to work coz.

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