My friends are getting mad because I don't want their boyfriends to come on our girls trip - advice?

So I'm in the process of planning a "Girls Trip" to Vegas to celebrate my 21st Birthday. I'm covering it all for myself and my 3 friends (I have friends/connections in Vegas and airlines so I was able to cover everyone), they just pay for food and any shows we go to. We've been talking about this for months and they're all super excited!

But now they've decided that they'd all like to bring their boyfriends. I don't know what makes girls like this but it seems they can't bear to be without them for 4 days or something. They said the boyfriends would pay for themselves but I told them that this was my Birthday trip and it was supposed to be a "Girls trip" so I don't want them to. PLUS the fact that I'm the only single one at this point out of the 4 of us and I'm not about to be 3rd wheel x3 on my own Birthday trip. But now they're getting all mad at me for it. They think I'm totally wrong/selfish not letting their boyfriends come along.

I think it's ridiculous that they're getting mad over this, but I'm not sure what to do. Any advice?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • From a relationship coaching lens, here are my thoughts:

    1) There's nothing selfish about wanting a girls trip. For starters, it's your Birthday. For seconds, this has been your plan from the beginning. It's not as though you changed your mind halfway through.

    2) I would approach the conversation, with them, from a presumptive communication lens. Meaning, speak to their understanding side. Something like: "I am really excited about my 21st Birthday and there's no one I'd rather be spending it with then you all. I know you have asked to bring your boyfriends but I'd really just like it to be us girls. I need this time with you all. I appreciate your understanding." You see how you didn't ask? You said, "I appreciate your understanding" as if to assume that they're going to agree to go solo.

    3) If they do not, if they still push it, I think you have a bigger issue. They are supposed to be your friends and friends support one another. 21st Birthdays are not little deals and they should be sensitive to the '3rd wheel' perception as well.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • It's your birthday. That means you can be as SELFISH as you WANT. It's your day and I think your friends are the ones who are being unreasonable. You wanted a girl's night yet they keep pressuring you to let their boyfriends come long. It's your own party and your own rules and they should respect it.
    Personally speaking, I don't give a shit about celebrating my birthday, but I can understand that for some people, it's a big deal.

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What Guys Said 18

  • Nothing wrong with what you want. I'm just wondering what the hell is wrong with them and how can they not see a problem with that. I didn't even have to finish reading your question to know where this is going. If it's so obvious to me, why isn't it for them? Seems like your friends either aren't very bright or aren't emotionally mature enough to understand your feelings, in which case I'd sit them down and enlighten them about why exactly you're worried. And if they still won't understand, then consider how much you'll really enjoy the trip and whether you should go at all.

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  • You are SO RIGHT!!!

    It's your b-day and it's a girls only weekend. They need to understand this party is for you and not them and their boyfriends. And if they can't respect that then they shouldn't go themselves.

    They are totally in the wrong here.

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  • First, you are not wrong or selfish. Your friends are being very insensitive and childish. Just tell them again that you set it up and wanted a girls only trip. If they're going to get upset rather than understand, they aren't real friends. It's your birthday, especially the 21st one, and all they can think of is themselves. They are very selfish and only care about themselves. Those are not the kind of friend I keep around. Can you find three others to go with you? Stand your ground even if they come back to say okay to girls only, I wouldn't take them. They will be missing the poor boys and you won't enjoy your birthday. It's terrible this is happening to you. My friends would never do this. I've had friends in the past like yours and I dumped them.

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  • I agree. This is a girls night out. The guys don't belong. Stand your ground.

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  • I'm with you 1000%, (yes thousand) on this one! They do not have the right to extend the invitation to them. I would be very pissed, insulted and also hurt! They obviously are not interested in a girls thing and do not realize your situation and what you are doing for them. To prevent a huge fight, I would digress with them a bit and tell them it sounds like a great idea for next time and you will let them know. Then you drop them out of your plans and ask other people instead.

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  • Honestly, that doesn't sound too good. But it just shows you the nature of relationships. When someone gets with someone, friends fall by the wayside. You're likely to fall by the wayside to some degree during this trip.

    Third wheeling is a thing and it's pretty shitty.

    The intent of the trip should be clear, they're just not going to have much time for you. Which is even worse when you consider you're covering many of the costs.

    Don't stand for it. You're going to feel aggrieved and like they're taking advantage if they come on this trip, you've paid for much of it, and then they're spending most of it shagging/wrapped up with their boyfriends :P

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  • It's your party, so let them cry if they want to... oh, sorry, 50's throwback there. Blame it on the fact I work in a supermarket with crummy music. At any rate, it really *is* your party, and you've the right to dictate the rules. If they don't like it, they don't have to come. It's Vegas, trust me, you'll have a ton of fun either way. :)

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  • Yea, not cool... it started as a girl's trip and should respectfully stay that way. They are clearly singling you out at this point

    Don't let them pull the wool over your eyes here.. they are manipulating the situation and bullying to get their way. I think at this point, they are close to ruining the trip if they don't shut up

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  • Sister, your girlfriend behavior is out of line. It is your birthday. Not theirs. It is an all girls event. You are inviting those who you what to come and go on a trip. Your friend which I concern if they are really your friend does not decide who come and who does not come.

    I do total agree and support you in this matter. What they are doing is use your birthday event so they can have a good time with their boyfriend there. NO< NO< NO. Your friends are immature and need to put childish behavior away. Honestly, they can not be away from their boyfriend for 4 days. They really do not have a real relationship with their boyfriend. I do not what to hurt your feelings. You may need to start a new friendship with others.

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  • Yes, it is ridiculous that your friends would damper on YOUR party that YOU are planning. I hate to say it, but you might want to consider just going by yourself. Seriously. It's understandable because your friends are still quite young and evidently also quite disrespectful/rude. Apparently, you are more mature than your friends. Tell them to keep their boy toys at home or don't go at all. They might invite their boys anyway, so be ready for that. The fact that you told them this was supposed to be a girls' weekend should have made them realize that. If one of those friends were your connections to Vegas, then that may indicate you'll have to change your birthday destination. I understand they are in love and love their men, but they must realize that their boys have their weekends, too.

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    • If it isn't already very evident, I would say you probably need new friends if they don't see it from your perspective and the way you are planning it.

  • Hmmm... control-freak much?
    Let them do what they want - it's their life, their relationships.
    Plan for that night out or whatever it is that you wanted to do while there and do it. Other than that, step back and let people live their lives.
    Geez, do you always act like this? Ah, got it... turning 21!

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    • It's her party, though. If they want a trip to Vegas with their boyfriends, they can pay for their own trips. OP sounds quite right to be concerned that if they all bring their boyfriends, it's going to be a group date for them with her as a third wheel, when she's paying for their trips on the premise that it's going to be a birthday party for her.

  • totally agreed, i always hated when guys would try to bring their girlfriend to guys night. Maybe they could still come but u guys only do certain things together like maybe an outing during the day like u all went out to lunch together but the rest of the time its your own separate guys and girls outings?

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    • See I'd totally say that could work, but I just KNOW that my friends will all end up running off with their boyfriends and then I'll be left third wheeling or by myself. I wish they had enough self control to do that, but I don't think they do.

  • No, You have a right... Its a private party. And they need to respect it.

    I would say... If guys would come along... I will bet that guys will take their girl and run off to anywhere in Las Vegas and ignore your party. Or end up behaving badly.

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    • Exactly! And I know they would. They'd be off doing couple things and leave me behind lol not the way I plan on spending my birthday trip that I'm funding lol

  • As long as your boyfriend won't be there, neither should theirs.

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  • Let the guys go, sheesh
    Life's too short.…

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  • I agree with you, they're being selfish

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  • Some friends you have. Yikes.

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  • Tell them stay home if you want.

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What Girls Said 11

  • If they can't respect the rule of Girl's trip only then there won't be a Girls Trip. If you want to go to Vegas, then you will have to do it by yourself or go somewhere else. What it is, is that they are 'in love' and they tend to have a bad insecurity when they are not around their boyfriends. Especially if it's a sexual relationship, forget it. It's not healthy. You're not being selfish, but it can be used as a moral disagreement if they boyfriends doesn't trust them to have all of you being alone. This can come off as you being a bad influence. Which your not trying to be, deliberately. You just one on one time with your friends. However, they can't at least come to an agreement to spend your birthday alone with you at least close to home then? I say compromise has to be somewhere. If not, then it says a lot about who your friends with. You only turn 21 ONCE. I'm now 25. 21 was technically 4 years ago! You know what I did for my 21 birthday? Being by myself. AND your paying for all of them and yourself? That is very generous of you. If I had that kind of money I would treat my friends the same way. BUT sadly it seems though your friends are spoiled and don't deserve it. So be with people and spend it with those who DOES deserve it. I bet you while their spending time with their boyfriends, they'll get jealous. So it's their lost. However, it's your rules. And if they won't abide by that, then sayounara to them.

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  • You need to tell them that they can not bring their boyfriends everywhere. This is for you GIRLS. Not you girls plus their boyfriends.

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  • Hold your ground. It's a girls trip! If they can't appreciate that, don't pay for them. They're taking advantage of your generosity to get a half priced trip with their bf's. there's 51 other weeks in the year for them to take a trip with their men. I think they're rude for not respecting your birthday wishes. My guy totally respects girls night out and has his share of guys trips which I don't need to be a part of. We take our vacations on our own. See who your real friends are by who respects your birthday wishes.

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  • It's your trip and your birthday so you can do it how you want. They have plenty of time to spend with their boyfriends. Girls only. If they don't like it they can stay home. I hate females like that. They can't function without their boyfriends.

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  • They can live without them for a few days. My sister, daughter and two nieces had a girls weekend a few years ago. No boyfriends or husbands we had a great time.

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  • That's gross of them. I think you need new independent friends or maybe bring along guy friends as well? If you still really want this party make them pay for it and let them bring their bfs. If they run off then make new friends in Vegas.

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  • fuck no , I wouldn't bring my boyfriend to a girls night or girls trip. plus it's your birthday , u decide. you can act the same way if their guys are there and you can talk about girl stuff and private stuff or feminine stuff if those guys are there !!

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  • if this was already agreed upon then they can't get mad, about it they are the ones trying to change your birthday plans. if they're bfs don't trust them to go tovegas alone that son them not you. it's your birthday and they should totally get it

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  • I would let them bring these guys along cause their boyfriends might think you are threatening their relationship if they can go to Vegas without you.

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    • If you can't even take a trip without your boyfriend thinking it's a threat, you need a new boyfriend.

    • @SunsetStar that's what I was thinking! Why can't they spend 4 days away from their boyfriends to have girl time? Seems silly to me.

    • @SunsetStar I agree 100% how solid and healthy is a relationship that can't handle 4 days apart?

  • Why don't you invite the guys but separate ways during the day? Guys have a guy trip and the same for the girls!

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  • You're paying for this and want it to be a girls thing; your money your rules. If they were paying for themselves, they would have a point, but they're not.

    You're not wrong, or selfish. They can do a lovey dovey Vegas trip any other time. It's your birthday..

    Your reasons a valid, stand your ground.

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