Why would a guy spend time on online dating websites rather than trying to get to know the person who he thinks the best match he found?

After moving to the US&breaking up with my ex due to distance, gave break to dating for 3 years cuz I was heartbroken&couldnt get over my ex. Wanted to focus on myself. Soon in 1 year I will graduate, noticed Im over my ex, do not like to be alone anymore, as I am 27, I like to get to know someone, settle down. So started using online dating.

I&this guy met online, hanging out since 3 months. We have noticed we have a lot in common, what we want from future, where we would like to live, hobbies, interests etc. We both are open to discover new stuff, sex is above average. He liked to cuddle, spend time with me, even stay over at my place for 4-5 nights.

After awhile, he started pulling away. It can be either he's afraid of falling for me, or he actually dont like me. I gave him some space to think rather than texting, initiating, planning dates, or being clingy-needy. He initiated contact after a week. So I had talk with him, told him that rather than dating others, I like to get to know him, focus on him, so I like us to be exclusive. He didn't really answer, neither said no nor yes. he asked me if distance is a problem since he will be moving away (2 hrs by car) to another city within 5 months. I said I do not like to think of what might happen in the future but rather than focus on present because I think we are compatible. He left to think but planned a date after 4 days of thinking. We had fun time, he still didn't tell me if he wants to be exclusive or not. didn't talk to me since 5 days. I thought he's busy with moving out packing etc to another flat so I offered my help, but he said thanks and didn't initiate for another date.

Recently i noticed he still becomes regularly online on match. com, OKC, Bumble, still looking for others, his profile says he is looking to settle down.

I wonder why a person dont wanna spend more time on getting to know someone but still look for others. What is wrong or missing with me and him? Me being foreigner maybe with accent?

Updates:
PS: I came across his dating website profiles while I was swiping, not because I was stalking him.

He dont use social media except FB,&dont want to be friends on FB and explained as "he rarely uses FB, or follow things on FB" but on his OKC profile, he answered the FB usage question as "I frequently use FB". I became creepy after three months and found and stalked his online profile after 3 months today, he put his profile pic 2 years ago. Does that mean anything?
We both are introvert. Me 52% according to 16personalities test (myers briggs), and he is 82%. This makes communication hard for us. I am open and honest about my experiences, relationships, sexual history, and what i think about him. He doesn't talk that much unless it's necessary. Also, he has graduated from college 4 years ago and currently working since then. And seriously looking to get married and settle down he many times told me directly or indirectly.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Your write up is not the same as your question.

    For your question, "best match he found" doesn't mean there isn't someone better out there or that it is going to work out with the girl he found. There is ALWAYS someone better. And most of the time, it doesn't work out.

    In your write up, you misunderstand what "looking to settle down" means. It could mean he is writing what many women want to hear. It does not mean that you are the one he wants to settle down with.

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    • I know it doesn't mean I am the one who he wants to settle down with. Yet, he told me many times that I am the only girl that he talks to because he didn't really have luck in any dating site that much. I do not think he's lying either. Please check my update.

    • You can't take what someone tells you in a dating situation literally.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Probably because he wants to know what other options are there. Also, he might think that you will change your mind or that your relationship might not work due to distance.

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    • In which way does he think that I will change my mind about what I want? I want to get to know him. I do not want to waste my time on casual sex thing degrading my own value. It can go both ways, if it works, it works, if it doesn't it doesn't. I already tried a relationship from USA to Europe for 1 year it was successful but we couldn't close the distance and broke up. He already knew that. 2 hours is nothing to me given the fact that I applied to lots of jobs in the town he is moving to, to get employed there when i graduate less than a year. There is no point that he is rejecting me due to distance, but still looking for others when he already knows he is moving. I think he is just looking for a fuckbuddy. That's what it shows. You know what I mean?

    • I understand you completely and if I were you, I'd probably stop contacting him as well since that would show that he is unable to commit to me and he's searching for other available options.

    • I expected him to not contact me due to his indifference and indecisiveness aft r I had the serious talk. But he contacted after 4 days to tell me that he wants to take me out on a real dat where we did fun stuff.

      Now it's been 4 days since the date and 3 days since the last time we talked, i told him to contact me if he wants to date, otherwise dont contact at all, he said he will definitely contact.

      He is just confusing me. All i want id honesty, how can it be this hard when i tell him my expectations and demands without being slutty, pushy, or needy.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • Signs show he doesn't know what he wants in regards to you. I think it might be time to move on from him.

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    • My friends tell me the same thing due to his mixed signals. But I really think we can work things out because we are almost the same in terms of what we want, what we like, what we enjoy in our spare time etc. I am not in love with him, or it is not going to break my heart if he doesn't call me (maybe a little but I know real heartbreak after my breakup with my ex 3 years ago). But I am tired of meeting people for 1-2 dates, and nothing goes anywhere. I have dated 25 people since October (all with at least 2 dates, I dont count 1 date). I didn't sleep with any but rather dated in coffeeshops to get to know as I am concerned with my "number". Nothing goes anywhere. Either i dont like them, or they dont like me. This is the only guy.. we kind of hit it off when it comes to certain things.

    • You seem like a quirky person... so you're going to require a particular kind of guy to hit it off with certain things... be patient. "Hitting it off" will not pay the bills, hold your hand, or be there when it matters the most. You seem to have your eyes set on this guy by process of elimination. You're better off being single than lowering your standards to be with a flake.

  • It probably has nothing to do with your accent. Some accents are sexy. Guys just generally don't want to be exclusive if they can avoid it. Americans have a saying: It's dumb to put all one's eggs in 1 basket. He probably simply doesn't want to get too attached since he knows he's moving away rather soon. While 4-hr round trip isn't horrible it's inconvenient as hell, most don't want to bother if they can only see each other once a week or less.

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    • The earliest is 4 months and it may go up to a year he says. One can get to know a person a lot in 4 months. There is no point in him looking for people in dating apps, and seeing me once or twice or thrice a week and still not giving me an answer, and living me limbo. I can't move on, because I like him, but he doesn't let me. He also doesn't have a lot of baskets to put his eggs either i am sure because he is so quiet and his online dating profile is rather empty with just two photos. I dont think most girls would like it. In a small city like we live in also match number is not that high I assume. I don't know. i will leave it to time i guess.

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