Do you think it's possible to "choose" who you fall in love with?


Is falling in love random? Is it something you can choose? Is it Mother Natures design to control it? Tell us what you think below!

  • YES
    38%(21)37%(36)Vote35%(15)
  • NO
    42%(23)44%(43)Vote47%(20)
  • That kind of love is by chance orchestrated by mother nature
    13%(7)10%(10)Vote7%(3)
  • I have never been "IN LOVE"
    7%(4)9%(9)Vote11%(5)
Select age and gender to cast your vote:
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Updates:
Close poll here! Random? or the ability to Choose?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • To an extent yes. I mean you don't chose who you get attracted to but you chose whether the attraction leads to love or not.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • The answers are ambiguous since you literally asked 4 different questions and answering Yes to one of them may contradict your answer to another one. But I voted "No" to the TITLE question, as in I don't think it's possible to choose who you fall in love with.

    It's not entirely black and white though, you can sort of steer yourself in the right direction. You can't just say "I want to fall in love with person x", but you can avoid falling in love with people you don't want to fall in love with by minimizing contact with them.

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What Girls Said 19

  • Yes. Love is a choice not an emotion. I don't think people "fall" into it either. I prefer the term "walked into love."

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  • I feel like i may be in love and I can't control it. This time it really doesn't feel like infatuation because Each day i fall a little more. I was first IN LOVE at age 9... then age 15... now age 21 (although i just turned 22). I've been infatuated many times, but i dont think any of these 3 times have been infatuation

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  • Yes It is, for sure.
    That's why I laugh at things like "I fell in love with him accidentally, I didn't want it to happen"
    "He/she is the only one"
    "I can't find anyone else who's like him/her"
    WTH! Have some self-respect people and fall in love with right people...
    I think if you fall in love with the wrong person it's your fault not someone else's.
    That's how I think and how I live.

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  • I don't think it is random. I think we have a say in who we fall in love with as I feel love is based on emotion.

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    • Have you ever met someone and was just overwhelmed with emotions.. butterflies, etc? And have you ever met someone that you found interesting but zero butterflies or emotions toward that person?

    • Yes to both but those are physiological symptoms. The person I've met and was overwhelmed with butterflies was actually no good for me and I just recently ruined that friendship/connection because of some negative behaviors; however, he neglected to be upfront with me in how we would be approaching the situation so I overreacted and he failed to communicate.

    • Physiological symptoms? You mean Mother Nature's arrow into your soul called LOVE LOL... so if that is what they are do you even acknowledge them as important?

  • It's FALL in love cause it just happens... I don't think you can choose that but I think you can make yourself feel like you're in love when you really aren't. Like you force yourself to think about that person and what's beautiful about them...

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  • You choose who you give a shot to, so, in a way you control it.

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  • No, I don't think. Majority of guys I had a crush on was kind of far to the perfect guys but this didn't stop me to like them very much.

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  • Hehehe... 😂 I wish!

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  • I wouldn't know but I think those in love should focus on being happy rather than trying to find out why they feel that way

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  • Yes i do...

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  • When you're truly in love with someone you can't choose who it's gonna be/that you won't fall in love with them.
    I've fell in love with a guy I hated for a very long time but in the end he's not such a d! ck at all.

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  • I think it's situationally based.

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  • yes...

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  • yes but it can be with a person who's so wrong for ur needs

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    • Mother Nature is great at bringing two people together.. . but could care less if you are a match. in my opinion

  • No I wish if someone knows how to do that guide me lol

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  • I think sometimes people are quick to throw around the word love when its really infatuation or lust. I know when I've fallen because I have trust issues and its hard to fall against my will.. if you make me trust you, its a stop on the way to love for me.

    I could never just fall without looking first basically.. but thats me.

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  • no we can't choose it.

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  • subconcious archetypes from your early childhood combined with hormones and psychological mechanisms that at that time satisfy some fetishes of yours or fills some of your gaps.

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  • fall in love no. But I do think you can pick someone and decide to love them... it's different but can work. I mean places that have arranged marriages have been doing it for a long time.

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    • True... how would you want it to happen though?

    • I fell in love... we will be together for 14years this year, spent 10 of those married.

What Guys Said 18

  • As a teen and 20-something, I would have absolutely believed "random", and been 100% sure of myself.

    One of the things I've learned in the 17-year relationship that has been my marriage is that it absolutely is a choice.

    I still get little sparks of attraction to people besides my wife. If I do not spend the time nurturing those sparks of attraction by thinking about the person, wondering about her, hoping to run into her again, imagining what I'm going to say to her, then those sparks do not catch fire to turn into a crush, an infatuation, to turn into "in love".

    You fall in love with who you give your mental attention to.

    Choose wisely!

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  • Well, I don't believe in free will so I don't believe in "choice" in the hardest sense of being able to arbitrarily choose anything.

    That aside, I think for practical purposes, "yes", an individual can have some say in the matter.

    I compare love to hopes and dreams you build of any other sort, like a dream career and falling in love with that dream and fantasy. The only difference as I see it is that people who fall in love are doing this around a person.

    In that sense, however, I think just as we can "choose" our dream careers to some extent, we have some say in terms of who to build our hopes and dreams around.

    Of course some impressionable youth might admire, say, a rock star and feel immediately compelled to build dreams and hopes of becoming a rock star. It's not exactly a "choice" even in a deterministic context. And they might end up having their hopes and dreams collapse if things don't work out, and I don't think that's too unlike a broken heart.

    More imaginative people, especially young ones who haven't been hardened by reality, tend to build hopes and dreams more easily than others. It's why I think young people can be so prone to crush on others really hard that they barely even know and certainly not in the most intimate contexts.

    With some conditioning, one tends to get more say in the matter. When we stop building hopes and dreams around the first person who smiles at us, for example, we'll definitely develop attachments to people based on more reasonable criteria that at least gives us more of an illusion of choice.

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    • Like the rock star analogy, an impressionable youth might see a rock star and feel immediately compelled to build a dream and hope of becoming a rock star. Such an impressionable youth has no say in the matter.

      Over time though, he might become hardened and realize that career was not for him for whatever reason. At that point, he starts to develop more of a say in terms of what career goal he wants to fall in love with. It can be based more on sound research and conditioning and not simply being exposed to an image that sweeps away his imagination. It can be a little bit more voluntary, so to speak.

    • ... and it can be a little bit more hesitant. When there's hesitant, there is more of a sense that there's a choice in the matter, since it requires active participation to build and pursue that dream.

    • When there's hesitant [/hesitance], there is more of a sense that there's a choice in the matter [...]

  • Yes, we can always choose who to fall in love with. Unfortunately, we can never choose that person to fall in love with us (because it's a huge gamble).

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  • Well if u cud choose, u cud choose the best.. n then no divorce.. no separation.. no nothing cud hv ever happened..

    i thi k i made my point here

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  • As I read this question and other answers I go back and forth on this. Biologically speaking you could say no its mother nature as pheromones have a play in it. But as humans and the great capabilities we have we can learn to adapt and love the other person as they are.

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    • We can certainly learn to adapt and love people but is that "falling in love with them" probably not.

  • You can choose to love someone because love needs nurturing. You might not have a lot of love in the beginning but as long as you guys aren't drifting apart then you will be okay.

    Love out of the blue is a whole different class. You can't choose not to love. You just do. It will grow like grass after a rain and nothing you can do to stop it.

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  • Love is a choice more than an emotion. It is an action and you must choose to perform it. Love without active effort is just selfish lust and infatuation.

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  • In a sense, yes.
    Because you chose to pay attention to that person, talk to them, open yourself up, continuously flirt etc. and all that lead to falling in love.

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  • Love is tricky sometimes you have a choice and other times you don't get to choose, anyone who has ever truly been in love knows that.

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  • all i know is that no matter how nice or caring a girl is to me if i dont say to myself " i should try to love her " that will never happen, falling in love doesn't just happen for me.

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  • I've never been in love, I think it's a bit of both.

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  • Well I can't make myself fall in love with someone.

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  • I chose No. But, I have a friend who seems to manage to choose who he falls in love with by latching onto any girl that shows him the slightest bit of attention.

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  • I think it is random, though you can choose who you fall in love with.

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  • Yes. You always choose who you fall in love with.

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  • I once asked my faggot shrink if love was a choice. He sorta did a double take, and then answered, "Well how could it not be?"

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  • David DeAngelo, someone who knows far more about dating than you or I ever will, says it best: attraction isn't a choice.

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  • I don't believe in freewill, so in a sense, yes, it is determined by mother nature.

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    • I always say.. ever fall in love with someone who is completely wrong for you? happens all the time.

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