Why is this guy still using OKCupid and others?

I and this guy started dating three months ago, met online. We both knew that we were looking for something serious, but we had sex early, and it ended up as being casual-regular sex, and hanging out, doing stuff like eating out, going to movie theaters etc.

After 2 months, I told him that this is really tiring me because I dont know what the direction of this relationship is and dating others at the same time is wasting too much time as I am ready to settle and so I would like to date him seriously and do fun stuff outside and be exclusive because we share a lot of details and we have a lot in common hobbies etc, and I like him as a person as he is kind. He told me that he will be moving away to be close to his family and looking for jobs and this may end up being a long distance in 4-5 months and asked me if it does not bother me. I said it does not bother me and we can try until then and see what happens as we both are 27 and would like to get married within a year. I told him to think through and that I will give him space. And if he doesn't call me in a week to take me out to a date, it means he doesn't want anything. If he calls, then it means we are dating seriously. So he called me after 5 days and we had a nice dinner date, where he paid. Then he called again for the next week, and we went to a museum, and then beach to walk. Both did not end up with sex. In the second one he stayed with me watched a movie but didn't initiate sex. we just cuddled.

Now i still see him online on okcupid every other day, sometimes once a week, sometimes 2-3 times on different days. I am wondering what he is doing, and why he still has those accounts and getting online, and if he is playing with me.

Any ideas? You can ask questions to clarify certain things in this relationship on the comments.

Distance (if it happens, if he finds a job) would be about 160 miles one way.
He became online twice in a day. For sure he is talking to or seeing someone. Thanks for asheslee to remind me of that it is better to be single than dating the wrong one. I will be cutting him off.


Most Helpful Guy

  • From a relationship coaches perspective, he is playing you all the way. First of all, he didn't just make a decision to move away at the drop of a hat and yet he conveniently shared that with you after you two had sex and you told him you wanted to be exclusive. Stating that he wants a long distance relationship is nice for him because he can have you when he wants you but do other things (online dating to meet other girls, for instance) the other times. This is very textbook, frankly.

    And if I may say, talking about marriage with someone that has been inconsistent at best isn't healthy, though I suspect you know that already.

    • He shared that he wanted to move away before we had sex and before i had the serious talk.

      When i told him i expect more serious dates not knly sex, he took Me to dinner, planned museum etc. dates. And he even remembered to bring me the wine he brewed, when he shared that he likes winemaking and asked him if he can bring me. he also shares a lot of details and asks abou what i want and my dreams, and abou my culture etc. (because i am foreigner), he also showed where he lives (currently moving out in a week) and he works etc.

      What i dont understand is Why he is still online with profile messages saying "he is looking for long term serious relationship" if he is moving away what is the point of still looking for people here?

    • Show All
    • Also, do you think jealousy means something? I mean if he shows jealousy?

    • Jealousy is about not trusting your partner whereas territorial is about not trusting other people.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Sounds like he is putting you on the Friends with Benefits team, but is not going to renew your contract and expect to be cut as soon as he finds some else.

    • I feel the same i think i will tell him that j am cutting him because i dont wanna waste time.

What Girls Said 2

  • He is doing this because although he may like you, he has not decided that you are the one for him. Maybe it is because he is not ready to settle down, maybe it is the realization that he can't do the long distance thing, maybe he is simply a tool. The reason does not really matter. The only thing that matters is whether you are secure with having a casual and open relationship or not. It sounds like you are not, which means you should move on.

    • How to move on? Simply tell him that i can't do this anymore if he is not serious? Which i already told him. How to end?

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    • I am 27. And all my friends are either married and expecting a child, or getting married. I am really left behind and i am all the time the third wheel (if the couples care to invite me over to the events)

    • So, I totally understand where you are coming from and I am sure a lot of your friends are getting married right now. Truthfully, however, meaningful, respectful and real relationships become much easier to initiate, identify and maintain right around age 30. I have plenty of friends who did not marry until 30 or later. But, let's say that you don't find someone... is that so bad? For me, it is a much better option than being with someone I can't trust or who does not value me. It sounds to me like you need to spend some time finding the things you love about you. When you do and are secure about loving you, it will be a lot easier to find someone else to love you, too.

  • Well, obviously you're online on OkCupid as well aren't you? Somehow you know when he's online. Maybe he goes online to check if you are online and how often.
    Always turn the situation around

    • No. We met on Bumble. I deactivated my Bumble to give OKC a try. Then i found his profile, which i blocked him to no appear on our match list. But since I saw him online like that, i decided to check it ou with a fake account. I have been watching since 2 weeks with fake accountto see if he becomes online, and he does. He also becomes online on match. com. I may sound like a pervert or creep but i do not want to be played with at this age.

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