How can I feel more confident around him when he makes me feel vulnerable?

I'm afraid to get in a relationship because I hate feeling vulnerable. When I am feeling vulnerable about something, my parents can sometimes tell immediately. Other times, it takes them awhile but they'll figure it out. For example, if I'm upset about something, they ask what's wrong. I don't like opening up and I tell them nothings wrong. They'll pushing me for answers, I will tell them something else and say that I'm upset about that when it's something entirely different. Again, eventually they figure out what I'm really upset about. But with him, it's so different. It's like he wants to help me and it doesn't scare him. I think I like him but I have difficulty being around him when he makes me feel vulnerable. I have a feeling that he sees right through the act that I'm confident, happy, and I know what I'm doing with my life but it doesn't scare him.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I suggest that you start with something small as far as vulnerability. Working your way up. The vulnerability scale. name something small that makes you feel a little vulnerable and scale it 1 being not vulnerable and 10 being very vulnerable. I use that all the time. Ask me anything if you are not sure what I fully mean?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • What about him makes you feel vulnerable?

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    • Its like he already knows my story just by looking at me. He doesn't even have to ask. I've never met anyone that has been able to read me that well.

    • How are you certain of that? Did he even tell you that or did you assume it?

    • Both kind of. He told me and that confirmed my suspicions.

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What Guys Said 1

  • Think of a trait about him that makes you less scared to be around him

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What Girls Said 2

  • I think you're stuck on vulnerability being a negative thing. You said it yourself, it doesn't scare him that he knows the real you. Doesn't that provide you with comfort? That when he sees you at your weakest, he's determined to mend you to health? Try to strip any preconceived notions that being vulnerable = prone to attack. I hope I'm making sense!

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  • I used to feel that way. I felt revealing my vulnerabilities would make me appear weak. I'd pretend I was happy if I wasn't. If I opened up to people it made me feel as though I'd come across as weak or they'd use my vulnerabilities against me in someway

    During a relationship opening up means you're potentially laying yourself bare and vulverable to —rejection, lack of reciprocity, betrayal, or the loss our own autonomy etc. The best part of being human is being able to connect with other humans. We’re hardwired for it, so opening up , and allowing yourself to feel vulnerable is necessary , or you'd never be able to connect with people on a deeper level. So vulnerability is the driving force of connection. It’s impossible to connect to people without it.

    That being said, people need to earn your vulnerability. You don't need to overshare and offer every detail of your life up for consumption by anyone. . There are those you hold close, or want to, who are worth taking a risk for. You open up, you let them know, you offer some of yourself and hope it will be received. Then there are those who you know, but who may not have earnt your vulnerability. Of course there are times to be guarded, but there are also times to be vulnerable.

    If you truly want to be close to him, you need to take the courage and open up , put yourself in a vulnerable position. Then you'll have the potential to have a wonderful relationship with him. It also shows you trust him. One of the most complimentary , precious things in life is knowing someone trusts you. If you open it it shows just how much you trust him

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