How do you become a friend with benefits?

I would actually enjoy this kinda thing, but I don't know how to get involved in it. This one time I had a friend who was a girl but I don't know how to do the friends with benefits thing, so I feel like I ended up making her think I wanted something serious. How can I do it?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I feel it works best if one or both were recently in a long term relationship that ended and were used to getting it pretty regularly. A friends with benefits would allow you to ween yourself off of it more easily or give you something to hold you over until your ready to get back out there.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I was recently in a very similar predicament. a couple months back, I went on a date with a girl, with the intention of just hooking up. but she was so sweet, it felt wrong, so all I did was kiss her and we parted ways. I asked her on a second date, this time was going to actually pursue sex, and she stood me up because she wasn't interested in me mentally and emotionally. I was like, OK whatever. a month goes by without contact and one day she apologizes for standing me up. I was drunk when I got her text, so of course I told her that when I asked her out, I was only interested in sex with her, not dating. she was surprised and it really threw her off. she said that I should have told her that in the first place because she would have been okay with it. then she told me that I needed to buy her a drink sometime.
    so if you take anything from this, find a girl you like and who likes you, and tell her all's you want is casual sex.

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    • What was your relationship with her before the date?

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    • you're in college, there's going to be parties. there's also the lunch cafeteria. local coffee shops and stores. dormatoriums. just find out how other guys at your college are getting laid and do what they do (assuming it's legal) it's usually at parties.

    • While I don't believe parties would be optimal for me, I do agree that I should be checking out those dining places you mentioned. Thanks, I can't believe I never stopped to try out those locations, there's a good amount of them all around campus! :)

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What Girls Said 10

  • By being direct, from the get go, there are some girls that are INTO this but there are others that might just not like it, but at least you won't hurt feelings and you won't be stuck in a serious relationship that you don't want.
    Being direct is the best thing to do, if you tell her sooner it would be better so you get yourself out of this mess...

    Good luck <3

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    • That's the thing. I would have to go up to a hot girl that I don't even know and be like "do you want to mess around" or some other sexual hint. I just can't get myself to do it because I don't want the girl to feel disrespected by a stranger who just came and asked to bang.

    • First things first, you should first get to know a girl, see what her ambitions and goals in life are, usually conversations like these don't happen from the very beginning, everything should start friendly and friend wise, but when you see that SHE is falling a little that's the moment when you tell her, and if she agrees OK, if not you go ON TO THE NEXT ONE.. a true women won't feel disrespected just because you where being honest, they would rather feel disrespected if you lead them on, making them think that you are the serious type of man...

  • Usually online is where it is kind of a thing. In real life it's harder to determine this kind of relationship. Tinder app is a start.

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    • The thing is that I kinda feel to prideful to use Tinder. I want to get sex the old fashioned way but it's a lot lot harder.

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    • Then try to get a girl friend or get on tinder or Craigslist or something. Fleshlights are supposed to be close to the real thing.

    • Masterbating or fleshlighting is depressing because i want a real girl. Tinder and craigslist are out of the picture, so I guess I just gotta go out there and try hard to find an attractive girlfriend. Oh lord here come a few weeks of tryhard mode

  • Just make more female friends, and then talk about ti eventually.

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  • You have to be direct about it and find a girl who wants the same thing. You can't do romantic stuff or do things that cause emotional attachment. It's gotta be someone who doesn't fall for every body. I got a lot of girls I work with that would be a good girl for just that.

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  • Mutual agreement two people who don't want to commit but still have sexual needs

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  • Just go on Tinder. Literally everyone on there is looking for a friends with benefits.

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    • I tried Tinder but aside from the fact that the hotties I tried to match with not reciprocating, I couldn't stay on there long because I find it easier to communicate with girls in person.

  • ehm I'm in one kind of haha I don't know to be honest, we just hooked up randomly often and yeah, we kind of just slipt/fall in that area...

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  • Honestly it just kind of happens naturally and organically. My experience is that you just start hooking up with someone occasionally and then you talk to them about what you're looking for.

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    • Yeah that's tough for me cuz i've never had a girlfriend, still a virgin, and I'm 21. Girls will give me their numbers sometimes, hang out sometimes, but I've never really been on an official date let alone hookup. Part of the problem I think is that I have high standards. I guess I'm pretty much fucked

  • The girl will have to like you enough lol

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  • On the internet it's easy if you state it on your profile. In reality is a bit more challenging, it depends on the signals she gives and if she is open to have a friends with benefits relationship. For me I took the initiative and flirted with the guy, we kissed, talked about it (he agreed he didn't want a girlfriend yet) and made out.

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What Guys Said 3

  • In my experience it just kinda happens. Even when there was an actual discussion about what the arrangements and rules were, that was AFTER things happened.

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  • I thought you were really experienced? You told me this before. No?

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    • My experience is with communicating with girls in person for more emotional stuff. Not just fucking them right off the bat. I hang with girls all the time one on one, I'm specifically asking about friends with benefits which I have never done before. Whatever I discussed with you had to do with getting a girls number and getting to know her. In this question I'm not asking about how to get to know a girl personally, I just want to know how to strictly do friends with benefits.

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